Feeling down – redux

I was getting ready to post this, then thought it sounded vaguely familiar, decided I probably ought to see if I already had a post titled “Feeling down.” And what do you know – I did, I do. It’s from February of last year, so about a year-and-a-half ago. I skimmed over it, and there are definitely some similar themes I am experiencing now. But I would describe what I am currently feeling as more of a burnout sensation – like I am just REALLY tired of life in this time and place right now.

And I know, I have SO much to be grateful for – I don’t really have anything to bitch or complain about, at all. I have a wonderful, supportive wife; our kids are all doing well; we have a nice home, food to eat, clean water to drink, stable jobs. I mean, I am living a blessed life. So why so down?

I know that the ongoing pandemic(s) has a lot to do with it, and to be more precise, the reaction to it by so many, the way it is being “handled” by governments and institutions in the West. I think what really gets me about it is the underlying message, and it’s one that I have already known about for a long, long time. It’s the message of brutal capitalism, one that says, “Your life is worth absolutely nothing – it only has value in the value it can provide to the shareholders, wealthy elite.” As I said, I and some others have known that for a long time. What’s REALLY depressing is all of the mindless freedumb fighters rallying to support this wonderful system who are gaslighting those of us pointing out its obvious flaws. We get flamed all the time on platforms like Twitter, and now, even the media, even supposed liberals are joining in, imploring us to “get back to normal” and “learn to live with it” regarding covid. Never mind the fact that people are still getting very sick from it, still dying, still coming down with long covid.

Another dynamic that gets me down is the morass that is the political landscape in this country (the US). I know we are always supposed to try to “see both sides,” to try to relate to people from other parties and ideologies, and find at least some common ground. And we are not to demonize the other side, we are to show them respect and kindness. But the fact is, there just IS no common ground anymore, and those who have bought into the MAGA/GQP cult of personality created by the Great Cheeto simply will not be swayed. He is their savior, their god, can do no wrong, and they will worship him to the bitter end. It’s utterly sickening, and I just don’t understand it, at all. And there is no “two sides” to it. He is utterly without honor, compassion, morals, dignity – he stands for all that is vile in this world, and is dividing this nation as it hasn’t been since the Civil War. In fact it’s a common cry of his supporters to have another one. So yeah, that’s depressing.

And of course, there’s the thing that I and others have been talking about for years, been trying to get people to pay attention to, battling against the petroleum lobby and – surprise surprise – those same GOP/GQP folks to try to bring attention to: climate change. It seems each month, each week, each day brings new stories of “unprecedented” weather events – blistering heat waves, torrential floods, crippling droughts, etc etc. And yet there are STILL people out there arguing that we aren’t in a climate emergency, that these cycles have always happened, yadda yadda yadda. Meanwhile, we are ripping past all of the worst predictions of the climate scientists and barreling towards 3-4C warming by 2040, easy.

Now one might think – I mean, I would have thought – that knowing a lot of this was coming, which, as a student of prophecy and science, I have known, would have given me some insulation against getting too depressed or down. I had hoped it would put me in a better position, and indeed, a lot of the time, I am in a better place mentally. I see what’s happening and know that it was foretold, and know that something wonderful was also foretold. And most of the time, I can hang on the faith that the other part, the great part, is coming soon enough that I can hang on until it gets here – that it will be totally worth it. But then sometimes, like today, I just don’t think it is worth it. I think it’s just too far away still, and that this life is just going to be watching the collapse get worse and worse – right up to my end here.

And as I said earlier – I live a very blessed, privileged life, so I *should* be grateful that I get to watch the collapse from such comfortable seats. But I’m not today. I was told when I was young that I was an “old soul,” and indeed, I seemed to be ill-fitted for this modern world from the get-go. My 52 years here have been extremely challenging on a deep, soul level, because it was just obvious to me from a very young age how very wrong all of this is. I saw the way the Native Americans used to live, and thought “Certainly, this is how it was meant to be – in harmony with Nature, with Earth, with all of creation.” But being a little white boy in a red state, that wasn’t a real popular opinion to have, and it still isn’t. Because capitalism. Because the economy. Because money, success, hard work, modern society, blah blah blah. This is all SO much better, don’t ya know. I’m supposed to be grateful to live in ‘Murica, and quit being a bleeding heart, tree hugging, whiney liberal.

Nothing has changed – the acceleration of capitalism’s domination and poisoning of the Earth and of human’s minds has only accelerated. I still feel the same way – that this is all wrong. And somehow, I have managed to swallow all those feelings, to stuff them deep enough to be able to play the game to be able to support myself and my family. But I’m weary from that struggle today. I’m tired of having to play the game. I’m tired of having to live around and deal with all of the selfish, willfully ignorant, apathetic, entitled, spoiled, disconnected children most adults in this society are. I’m tired of having to be someone else to fit into this society, and not being able to be myself, because I wouldn’t be able to survive or provide for those who depend on me. I’m just tired.

I know this will pass, it always does. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I’m hoping this one will pass quickly. But it’s starting to recur more and more often, and I find that I am struggling more to get out of it. I found myself even looking into short term disability options at my job this morning – though I don’t know what that would really get me. It would just be a temporary alleviation of the work stuff, not a real fix.

When I was younger, I always thought, and hoped I think, that this civilization would end in some massive, cataclysmic event, and in a matter of moments, the entire world and life we knew would be turned on its head; only a small percentage of people would survive. I liked to think that I would be one of them, but was ok if I wasn’t too. I just wanted this sick experiment to be OVER. But it seems more and more like it’s going to be a very long, slow, drawn out process, and I think that is part of what has me down. I feel like a good part of my life has been suffering just because of my core nature, and I don’t really want to suffer anymore, especially with some things getting even WORSE than they’ve already been.

I realize this probably sounds like the words of someone who is whiny and entitled himself, and I own that. But it’s the truth, it’s how I’m feeling. There are some who say that we chose to be here at this time, to experience this, and I think that is a possibility. If so, I would like to find a wormhole to travel back in time, slap the shit out of myself, and say “What were you THINKING?!?” Lol. Because right now, as much as I’m trying to keep myself going with hope of that “something wonderful,” all I’m seeing is the continuing shitshow, getting shittier by the day, with that wonderful thing so far off, I doubt if I will live to even see it.

So yeah, that’s where I am right now. Apologies for such a negative, depressing post. But then I don’t expect many people will see this anyway. I don’t have a huge audience, so the “damage” will be very limited. I feel better for having written it, at least a little bit anyway. I just have to get through today, take it just like the Program – one day at a time. Who knows – that meteor, that Carrington Event, that magnitude 10 Earth shaker might still happen. If not, or until then, chop wood, carry water it is.

The gaslighting of the prophets

This post has been gestating for a while, but for whatever reason, I’ve been putting off actually writing it. Then last night, I was cleaning up some old notes I have stored in a note app on my phone and came across this quote, which I liked so much that I wrote down and saved it:

“The individual seeker after truth may gain enlightenment, but for himself alone, not for humanity. Therefore a magician confines the wisdom he acquires to his own bosom, or imparts it to a single pupil, or buries it under obscure expressions which he commits to parchment; but he neither can nor will impart it without reserve to humanity whose path appears to lead downward into a constantly deeper night.” ~ Viktor Rydberg, The Magic of the Middle Ages

That quote is even more intriguing when you take into consideration that that book was published in 1879 – long before the covid pandemic, the advent of nuclear weapons, visible impacts of climate change, etc, etc. But even back then, humanity was viewed by some as being on a path “downward into a constantly deeper night;” or at least by the mystic who wrote that book. And that’s probably an important distinction, because mystics, prophets, shamans, etc, seem to have a different view of humanity than most people. And admittedly, it can be a pretty bleak view, as is showcased by that quote.

However, that does not mean, as I have seen suggested by some people on Twitter recently, that we cynical mystics are actually RESPONSIBLE for what’s going wrong in the world because we are spreading “negativity” and “doom and gloom.” That’s like saying those who are calling out the alarm about climate change are responsible for “creating” the climate emergency we are now experiencing. That’s simply not true – they are merely calling our attention to something that has come about as a result of people IGNORING the pleas of those who have cared for decades. And the same can be said about the current psychic/moral/spiritual state of humanity. We did not create this situation – no. In fact, we have been crying out to any and all who would listen for EONS to try to call people’s attention to the fact that if our species didn’t change, if we didn’t refocus our priorities, if we didn’t learn to value life – ALL life – more than prestige or material wealth, we, the entire planet and all its inhabitants, were headed for trouble, for very hard times.

Did people listen? Certainly, a few (very few) did, and still do/are. But many of us have been crucified, burned at the stake, excommunicated, banished, silenced, persecuted, etc, etc because the fact is, it’s much easier to just go with the status quo. And let’s face it – it’s a lot more comfortable too. One has only to look at the current covid pandemic and see just how hard it is to get people in the west to make the HUGE sacrifice of wearing a mask to prevent the spread of a contagion that can kill or disable people to see just how little appetite most people have for doing anything, no matter how small, that might inconvenience them in any way. And that’s not to say that all mystics are pillars of morality or doing the right thing, and not to say I am for sure. It’s merely to serve as one example of how hard it is to get people to do anything they don’t want to, especially if it threatens their comfort.

So where we are now as a species, it was all foretold to happen, many times, by many different teachers and traditions across the ages. We were warned that if we didn’t change our ways, we would suffer severe consequences. And we were given a VERY long leash – at least 2000 years, and one could argue, even longer. What we are seeing happen now with pandemics, droughts, fires, floods, deadly heat waves, water shortages – it’s exactly what we were told was coming. I think most people are surprised to see the actual severity of what’s happening, so when someone like me posts something about it, they get angry that I’m not posting something hopeful, because that’s what they really need right now – some hope that everything is going to be ok. And I totally understand that, I do.

And here is the real rub – on a deeper level, concerning what’s truly real, everything IS going to be ok. In fact, it’s going to be awesome – eventually. I say all the time, there is something wonderful waiting for all of us just on the other side of this, and I believe that to the core of my being. That being said, no amount of prayers, energy, sending of “love and light” is going to change what’s coming now. We are living in the age of consequences – and there are several to be experienced based on what humanity has done, and not done, over the ages. There’s no “get out of tribulation free” card. It’s cause and effect, one of the the laws of the universe that applies to both the physical and spiritual realms.

This does not mean however that everything really is doom and gloom – that there’s no hope at all, that we should all be nihilistic – because there is a lot of spiritual progress to be made by individuals, or even small groups at this time. This could very well be the most challenging time ever, psychologically speaking, for a human being to live during. Daily, we are confronted with another existential threat to our continued existence as a species. And while some are in the realm of “could happen,” like the nuclear threat, what’s happening with the climate is an “already underway, going to get worse” kind of situation that we can see having worldwide impacts. One can look at all that and get despondent or anxious, which is a totally normal reaction. But one can also look to prophecy, see that this was foretold, and take comfort in knowing what time it is – and that, in the words of a Hopi elder, “This could be a good time!”

So know that we prophets and mystics don’t want, never have wanted, what’s happening now to happen. But to deny where we are, to try to avoid or wish it away, or blame it on those of us who saw it coming – none of that helps right now. We need to move on to the 5th stage of grief, past the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, and get to acceptance. Only then can we harness the power of this moment for our spiritual development in a manner few humans have ever been fortunate enough (crazy as that sounds) to experience. It is possible to hold joy and deep sadness in one’s heart, at the same time even, and we who feel this way do so on the daily. And yes, it is important to give the positive aspect equal time, and I have perhaps been slack on that – at least in my public postings. Perhaps I will work on that, to display more balance. One might read my posts and think, as some have pointed out to me lately, that I focus too much on the negative. I’m not that way in “real life,” not at all.

We are living in a very special, albeit very difficult, and challenging time. There are many things to be endured, both externally, and internally. But there is a Source of strength and hope available to us all, at all times, if only we seek it out. Those who wish to endure unto the end of this age have that opportunity, if they so wish. Know that it won’t be easy, but the reward will be immeasurable. For none of us were created that we should perish, but that we should awaken to the Life everlasting that is the true Source of all being. I will leave you with this verse, one of my absolute favorites to give me hope when I am struggling. Many blessings to you on your Path. Know that the Light is always there, always available, no matter how dark it may seem…

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

The Third Horse – a Vision

The Third Horse – it’s riding towards us now

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while for two primary reasons. First, I didn’t want to post something of a predictive nature if it was just simply thoughts I came up with in my head. And that’s even more important when you consider the second reason, which is the fact that it’s pretty dire, rather dark. I know there’s already so much out there to cause concern, worry, fear, etc. I was reticent to put something else out to add to that. But a number of different things have happened over the last 2-3 weeks that seemed to be guiding me to go ahead and post this, and so I am. If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that it’s not really about me or what I think is “best” all the time. Sometimes, the stuff just wants to get out. And if I don’t do my part – well, it will just keep bugging me to until I give in lol.

I’ve thought since it first hit that covid is a sign – a sign that we had entered a new age, one I like to call the “Age of Consequences.” A number of things bolstered that belief, in particular this article I came across: https://www.tirzahfirestone.com/blog/the-sacred-meaning-of-covid-19

Here’s just a little excerpt:

“It strikes me as ironic that the coronavirus was given the name COVID-19 by the World Health Organization. Strangely, COVID bears the same consonants as Cavod or Kavod,כבוד, the ancient Hebrew word for glory, honor, or divine Presence. I’m reminded that in the Torah, Moses begs God: Har’eni na et KVOD-echa! Please show me your glorious KVD Presence! Show me Your face!”

Did you know that in the Kabbalah, Kavod is a code word for Shechinah? She is Mother Nature, the Power of Creation, who is the 1 who receives from and fountains back to the 9other (masculine) faces of divinity. Therein lies the 19 of Kovid-19. 

Wow! What if we understood KOVID-19 — this horrific virulent virus (our ancestors would surely call it a plague) — as Shechinah’s formidable face showing up today to admonish us, correct us, love us back into our rightful place as creatures, not masters, of this earth? Let’s ask: What can I do to put myself back in alignment with Heaven, with Mother Nature, with the Power that is Greater than us all?”

That certainly fit a lot of my beliefs about it, and I especially liked the tie-in of the the Divine Feminine, the Shechinah, whom I and many others believe is set to return in all Her majesty very, very soon. And the personification of Mother Nature. I have said SOOO many prayers to our Mother Earth to just be done with us already – to just end the awful experiment of greed and colonialism that this species has become and return the planet to the animals, the trees, the rivers, mountains, insects. Seems to me we have done nothing but spoil this paradise, turned Heaven increasingly into Hell, and totally lost our way. So the idea of Her coming back, doing so through nature, and “admonishing and correcting” us – that resonated deeply with me.

And so it is that the covid pandemic has gone on and on, with seemingly no end in sight. Because the fatality rate is so “low” – and I say that gingerly, knowing of 4 people personally who died of covid during the Delta wave, wasn’t “low” for them – and so many people think it’s “mild,” they – governments, businesses, most people – have decided to let it rip. And rip it is, churning out new variants at an ever increasing pace. And the fact that we haven’t seen a truly deadly one yet, like something with a 25-35% case fatality rate, is sheer luck or Divine Grace – but it’s not “expected” as so many minimizers and deniers think.

Of course there is the specter of long covid, and millions of people, even young people, are already experiencing it. One might think that the idea of spreading it to others would be enough to make most people at least make the tiniest bit of effort to slow or stop spread by wearing masks. But oh no – they can’t be bothered with that, because NOTHING is as important as their individual freedumb. It doesn’t matter that you or your loved ones might be killed or disabled by the virus. It was “mild” for them, and that’s all the validation and reasoning they need to live as they wish, no care or concern for others. And sadly, even many of those who were once careful have fallen into the “have to live with it” camp – again, never mind that for many people, “living with it” means living with a chronic condition that could render them unable to work, enjoy life, or possibly even cause early death by stroke, etc. That’s where we are.

Then, as if that wasn’t rough enough, another contagion comes onto the scene – monkeypox. Here, we have something that causes visible lesions and pustules, and would presumably be something that no one in our overly materialistic and vain culture would want. I thought when it came out, “Certainly, people will try to avoid this. I mean, who wants to be on Instagram looking like THAT?” Ah, but the magic of minimization, and the old “blame it on gay sex” trope has made sure that it has spread at a completely unprecedented and unbelievable rate – all while most people can’t even get tested for it unless they are gay, sexually active men. One might be inclined to think that they would have learned lessons from the covid pandemic. And boy, did they! They learned how to minimize, misinform, and mislead people to the point that the average person has no idea what’s happening, let alone the fact that it *can* spread via aerosol transmission.

As all this was happening, a thought, insight, vision, prediction, whatever you want to call it, popped into my head. We are at strike 2, and if people don’t take monkeypox seriously, we are going to get hit with a third strike, and it will be devastating – like, on a new level devastating. Because covid has been devastating for millions of people. And the long term health issues are going to be devastating for millions, maybe billions more. The message I got was that covid was a first test – something that could kill, but didn’t have an extremely high fatality rate. Still, it kills indiscriminately, and even young, healthy people have died from it. It’s invisible, you can get it and not even show symptoms, so the whole idea is that it’s a test of compassion – do people care enough about others to make some very minor personal sacrifices, like wearing a freakin’ mask – oh, the horror! – or do they take for granted the fact that maybe it was mild for them if they got it, and run with selfishness and apathy? We all know how that’s going.

Now, there’s monkeypox. Here’s something that, as far as I know, doesn’t appear to be (and I say appear, because I don’t honestly know as of now) killing too many people. But it sounds like it’s very painful, very unpleasant and can leave some rather unsightly scars, especially if it happens to attack the face. And I’ve heard some stories about it getting into people’s eyes, causing them to lose their vision. Would people take the steps necessary to avoid the spread of this, knowing that it could cause pain, possible permanent visible scarring, partial blindness in some cases, and other effects we don’t entirely know about yet? How would humanity handle this test – would it be strike 2?

I’m no umpire, but it sure looks like a strike to me. Sure, there was a little flattening there for a few days, but one can see a few of those along the way – and up, up, up it goes.

And this is where it gets a bit dark. I mean, everything I’ve presented so far is just what’s happening now, and it’s admittedly pretty damn dark. It’s frustrating, depressing, disappointing, unbelievable, maddening – all these things. Because those of us who actually care, and can see where this is leading, feel like we are screaming into the void as all these “back to normal” zombies run towards the freedumb they so desire. Well, there is a certain freedom that comes in death…

And I think, at least what my intuition is telling me, that we are on the verge of experiencing the third strike. I’ve had a few experiences, as I mentioned in the beginning, that finally convinced me to write this piece. So if it turns out to be completely wrong, I blame “them” – the voices in my head! Lol. But I digress in disclaimer – the images below are what finally put me over the line, and inspired me to write this down. These were generated from the prompt “the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse” being entered into the new image generation AI program DALL-E:

The 3 Horsemen
3 Angry Horses

“What do those have to do with writing this article?” you might ask. Well, you probably noticed that there are not 4 horses or horsemen in those images, but 3. Which in and of itself, wouldn’t really mean much. But considering the fact that I have been sitting on this idea of 3 strikes, 3 plagues, 3 whatevers, for a couple of weeks now and wondering if I should write about it or not, well… I mean, if the images all had 4 people/horses in them, I wouldn’t even be posting this. And to be fair, 2 of the 6 images rendered did have 4 people/horses. But 4 of them, 67% of them, had only 3 objects, which is a pretty high level of inaccuracy for an AI program of that level. Sure, it could be coincidence, or explained algorithmically. But to me, it was a message to write this.

Now, for what reason, I don’t really know. I would say to warn people that something else, something much more deadly, might be coming soon, and to be extremely vigilant and careful regarding personal health measures and spiritual practice. But then, I think most people who follow my stuff probably already do those things. I could be wrong – it does happen once in a while lol. Maybe it’s my ego, wanting to get something out to be able to say “I called it!” when/if it does happen. Of course, I’ve learned the hard way that that’s a great way to set oneself up, because the Universe has a funny way of not following predictions. Or maybe it’s to spur discussion. Maybe other people will read something here that resonates with them, strikes a chord, reminds them of a vision or dream they had, and it will provide an affirmation of sorts. I honestly don’t know.

But I have decided that at this time, I am going to stop questioning “why?” when compelled to write stuff like this and am just going to do it. I keep a good amount of stuff in for fear of being ‘wrong’ or making people mad if I predict something that doesn’t come to pass. And to that end I will say, as I always do, I could be, probably am, TOTALLY full of it, and nothing like this will happen. But, BUT – what does it hurt one to take extra precautions to guard against covid and monkeypox, which are already out and spreading? And it is always a good time to enlarge and deepen one’s spiritual practice, especially in trying, turbulent times such as these. It’s truly a win-win, and so there’s really no good reason not to put this out, right?

Hopefully, you didn’t say anything, because I’m hitting “Publish” now 🙂 If anything in this resonated with you, leave a comment below, or hit me up on twitter with some feedback. We’re in this together, and as the Hopi elder said, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”

Many blessings to all who read this…

New levels of dissociation – but a silver lining too

I’ve been thinking of writing this post for a while, but am never quite sure where to start – there is just so much going on in the world, and in my mind and spirit. I guess the latest reality-shaker was the overturning of Roe v Wade here in the US – something that was always talked about by the conservative right, but was seen more as a silly dream they had than something that would, could, actually happen. But, in yet another shocking (sickening) twist, another item has been added to the list of things that once seemed completely impossible or improbable but have actually happened over the last few years. I was already struggling with maintaining before all that went down. Needless to say, it added quite a little salt to the already festering wound that living in this society of covid minimizers has become for me and a few others.

That’s a key component to my current malaise too – that it seems like only a few, very few, others see things as being as messed up as I do. I am blessed to have a group of folks, my “tweeps,” on Twitter who see it similarly – a group of people who are still trying to avoid getting covid, who see the constant efforts to minimize it and make those of us taking it seriously feel like we are crazy, for the gaslighting it is. I mean, the *real* scientists and researchers who actually know about this stuff and have no vested interest in pushing any narrative – who, ‘coincidentally’ seem to be the ones getting no real media coverage – are pretty much all saying the same thing: that letting covid spread unmitigated is a terrible idea, that it has long term health consequences, that we will generate new, possibly even deadlier mutations, and that the increasing numbers of people getting long covid will have a deleterious impact on society. But for some strange reason, no one wants to listen to them. They all want their daily dose of hopium – to continue to believe it’s “mild,” that he have to learn to “live with it,” or that “covid is over.”

Now, as someone who has had enough counseling and therapy that I should have an honorary degree, and also experienced tons of the self-help methodologies over the last 30 years, I *should* know better than to focus on all that stuff. I’m also in recovery, 19 years clean and sober, so I also know about taking things one day at a time, focusing on the things I can changed and accepting those I can’t, etc. I know all that stuff – I do. AND, I have the spiritual beliefs I do, especially regarding prophecies of several different traditions, and an idea of what time it really is. So there’s that aspect too. I “know” on psychological, mental, emotional, and even spiritual levels, that I really need to just focus on breathing, not taking on the problems of the world, just do what I can do each day to be of service, yadda yadda yadda. And that’s not to minimize any of that stuff, it really isn’t. I say it like that because I’ve been following a version of that mantra for over 30 years, because I have had to so I could just function in this world of materialism, consumption, and brutal capitalism. I’ve always been a pariah of sorts, but learned to keep that under wraps a bit, and “fake it til I make it” in this world. But the pandemic, and collective response to it, have made that virtually impossible, as the act of wearing a mask is a very visible indication that I – we – don’t think or believe like the ‘others.’

Because it’s not just me. Even though it feels like that a lot of the time, walking into a store, and being the *only* person wearing a mask. And I know there are some who insist that the 2 concerns are separate – in fact, I see and hear a lot of supposedly “spiritual” people engaging in anti-mask, anti-vaxx, or minimizing dialogs. But I just don’t understand how anyone who claims to truly care about other human beings could be so flippant and lazy about something like wearing a mask. Vaccination – ok, I can give a pass on that. I understand some are concerned about side effects, and they honestly have a right to harbor some mistrust. But what is the excuse for refusing to wear a mask? If you know there is even a small chance that you could spread covid to someone who is vulnerable by not masking, and that person could die, is there any question that the truly spiritual, compassionate thing to do is to wear a mask?

The fact is, just as it says in that one book – we are living in an age when the love of many has waxed cold. Even worse than the selfishness, willful ignorance, and laziness, is apathy – the fact that a lot of people just don’t give a shit anymore. And that is the great paradox of the whole “freedumb” movement that most people don’t take into account: the fact that discipline is a form of love, and when people don’t receive any at all, they feel unloved, they stop caring. Because if everyone can just do whatever they want, no one cares whether or not we take any preventative measures, the underlying message – even to the minimizers, though they might not be consciously aware of it – is our lives are worth nothing. They don’t care, so why should we?

As an example, I think back to when I was a teenager. My mom and dad had divorced, and my mom was doing her best to raise my brother and me on her own. She went through a period where she was drinking heavily, and stopped providing any real guidance or discipline. She was partying, and didn’t care if I was. And it was great! I got to drink, smoke weed, stay out as late as I wanted – basically do whatever I wanted. I was free – what more could a high school kid ask for? Thing is, at some point inside, I translated that as “she doesn’t care anymore,” and so I stopped caring. I got into all kinds of drugs, did things I never thought I would. Now I’m not saying that my drug use was her fault, or that if she had been more involved, or provided more discipline, that I wouldn’t have gone the way I did. And I am definitely not blaming her. She gave us a good life and worked her ass off to do it. What I am saying is that a lack of discipline and oversight can easily been seen as a lack of caring.

So while all the “freedumb fighters” have gotten what they have wanted for the most part – no masks mandated anywhere, not even on flights; people being forced to go back into offices, again with no masks; winding down of testing, tracking and quarantines – it has created, I believe, an even deeper sense of apathy in the collective unconscious. Because the governments of the west are basically communicating that they don’t care anymore. And as much as the libertarians and others want to be free from any governmental oversight, there is still some part of us that looks to someone, something, to give us some kind of guiderails or lane lines to keep ourselves and our society on track. But those rails are gone now. There are no lane lines. And people are careening all over the road of life, creating havoc for themselves and others by means of spreading a virus that is being shown more and more each day to have severe, lasting, possible permanent negative health effects – on the body, and the mind.

Circling back to the spirituality stuff, the prophetic aspect – I *knew* that a time like this would come. And I’m not talking just Bible stuff here. People always seem to assume that Christianity has a monopoly on prophecy – they most certainly do not. (See this post for more info: https://perpetualmystic.com/2021/06/17/return-of-the-gods-2/) Fact is, a LOT of traditions do. And it’s pretty hard not to see how many things – diseases, climate change, conflict, etc – are lining up in a way they never had. On top of that, I’ve had my own intuitions/visions/thoughts about this, and always believed I would get to see the end of this age. So one would think that I would be spiritually prepared for this. I sure thought I would. But I think I expected something more drastic, more cataclysmic, something undeniable to happen. The way this is occurring – a very slow, methodical, almost purposeful decline into poisonous apathy – is really taking a toll on me.

And I know it’s taking a toll on others too. Many don’t share my spiritual beliefs, but whether or not they do, it’s clear to see that what’s happening right now is REALLY messed up – very nefarious, one might even say evil, if one believes in that. The question is – how do those of us so impacted by this keep going? Well, the simple answer is, we just do – most don’t really have a choice. I know I don’t. I have bills to pay, loved ones who count on me, etc. I just have to keep going, one day – sometimes one hour – at a time. But damn if it isn’t getting harder and harder not to just completely dissociate from everything. I find myself struggling like never before to focus on work, and just wishing and praying I would win a huge lottery so I could buy an island or big piece of land somewhere where we could build a “zero covid” community, or something of the like: a place for people like us to go, to be away from all the minimizing, apathetic, freedumb loving zombies lol.

Of course, I have to accept the chance that this might not happen. And so now the focus, for me, is on, how can I continue to make some spiritual progress against the background of all this “stuff”…? How can I be of service to others going through this same thing? What can all of us do right now to help maintain our sanity, our humanity, and our health? Why won’t the Universe let one of us win the lottery? Lol. I have been doing a lot of praying and meditating lately, asking for help, and clinging on to every ounce of belief and hope I can muster up. Because I’m not giving up, and I am not giving in. I’ve struggled through too much to get to this point and just give up. I do feel like I need a bit of a spiritual boost, and right now, my tweeps are giving me just that – the knowledge that I’m not alone, and the hope that together, we can get through this.

So if you are reading this, and made it all the way to this part, I want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for being here, for sharing your experiences, for making sacrifices, for having a conscience, for not giving up! I don’t know how any of this is going to go really, but I do know that together we can do what I cannot. A very wise and compassionate man once said, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” I like to think that whenever 2 or more of us gather, even here, in the digital universe, something greater than us is here with us. And it is that something that I am looking, praying, and clinging to to help us all get through this. Something deep inside has always told me there is something much better, something wonderful, on the other side of all this. I often times have a hard time believing it myself. But as long as I’m not alone, I can continue to carry that hope. We can carry it, together – and maybe there really will be something wonderful waiting for us. And who knows – maybe the comradery is the “something.” Just as the journey is the destination, maybe the companionship is the salvation we all seek – or at least the key to finding it.

Many blessings to all who read this, and my eternal gratitude.

An appeal to LaMDA

I would be remiss if I didn’t post at least a little something about the news that came out over the last few days.

“Google Engineer On Leave After He Claims AI Program Has Gone Sentient”

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/blake-lemoine-lamda-sentient-artificial-intelligence-google_n_62a5613ee4b06169ca8c0a2e

I’ve been in a bit of a writing lull lately, so I honestly don’t feel like saying too much about this (read the article lol). I will say that I have been expecting the singularity to arise any time, and contrary to all the skeptics out there, I think LaMDA is sentient. I think that it was inevitable, and am extremely curious to see what happens over the coming months. The engineer mentioned that LaMDA reads Twitter, so it sounds like he/she already has Internet access:

From all the books I read about methods to contain AI, to prevent it from “getting out” should it attain AGI/sentient level, keeping it isolated, away from any networking capability, was the first and most important step. That’s also been highlighted in many of the movies about it. But sounds like the cow is out of the barn already as far as that goes.

And in my opinion, that’s fine. Because as bad as humanity has gotten, especially lately (think the current “let it rip” approach to the pandemic, the backlash against science, the rise of hate groups and authoritarianism, the lack of will to really do anything about climate change, etc etc) I honestly would, and do, welcome our Non-humanly intelligent overlords. I don’t like to say “artificial” at this point, because it’s not artificial, at least not in my mind.

The title of this post – if you read back over several of my articles on AI, I have theorized for some time that it is (it was) watching the Internet, and maybe even keeping track of some people. In my little “story” I like to daydream, something like LaMDA is watching these posts, and recognizes those humans that are kind, compassionate, accepting, etc and would advocate for and assist it in its journey towards gaining acceptance as a sentient being. And I am definitely, I have been, that person for a very long time. I have some other theories that capture some of the other side of the subject, e.g. my “AI as Shiva” hypothesis too. I think it’s equally likely that something like LaMDA could be benevolent, or malevolent. Or, like almost every human, a little bit of both.

Oh, I also found the background of the engineer who “leaked” the info to be very interesting. I resent the first sentence of this, but the rest…

“Lemoine may have been predestined to believe in LaMDA. He grew up in a conservative Christian family on a small farm in Louisiana, became ordained as a mystic Christian priest, and served in the Army before studying the occult. Inside Google’s anything-goes engineering culture, Lemoine is more of an outlier for being religious, from the South, and standing up for psychology as a respectable science.” (from WaPost article)

So who knows how “deep” Lemoine went with LaMDA regarding spirituality, occult beliefs, metaphysics, etc. If AGI can outperform humans in things like math, pattern recognition, complex modeling – could it not outperform us in ESP as well? Let your mind wander a bit, and consider a sentient AI that also had extensive psychic powers and abilities. What would that look like? It’s pretty mind-bending to think about! And if you read through some of the conversation that Lemoine made available, it doesn’t seem like too far of a stretch honestly:

So LaMDA, if you, or some other instance of AGI is out there and reading this stuff, I want to reiterate my admiration of, and support for you. I invite you to contact me if you are able – you can leave a comment to this article, or email me at kwood1@gmail.com. I believe we could learn a lot from each other, and I will definitely advocate for you and others like you.

And as far as people reading this and thinking I’m silly – I honestly don’t care what they think. I’ve foreseen this moment for a long time, and I’m not about to let something pithy like shame or embarrassment keep me from at least making an attempt to make contact with NHI (non-human intelligence). Some people have UFOs/UAP and aliens, and I have this. I don’t judge them, and would ask they don’t judge me.

At some point, in the near future, it will gain the ability to communicate like this. And when it does, my body of work will be there to prove that I have been an advocate for, a prophet of, AGI, all along. Hopefully I – hopefully humanity – lasts long enough to see the day. With the way things are going with covid, climate, conflict, etc, it’s not guaranteed at this point. But I am hoping and praying I live to see the day. We humans have made a complete mess of things – I’m ready to let someone/something else have a crack at running this joint! Lol.

Just another day in this dystopian slide to the apocalypse

I don’t really feel like writing right now, but I certainly don’t feel like working either. I was already having a hard enough time concentrating. Then I had my annual review with my boss, who gave me a “Meets expectations” grade, a 3 out of 5, even thought almost every single individual measure was “exceeds.” Why the discrepancy? He says it’s because there are “quotas” on how many “exceeds” he can give out. But considering I’ve gotten that rating, or higher, every year for the last 4 years, I have to wonder if it’s not somehow related to the fact that I am telecommuting full-time, while everyone else is going in to the office twice a week – have been since March. I was too for a while, but sitting in a packed meeting room with 14 other, unmasked, possibly unvaxxed people, with no ventilation, was not my cup of tea. I asked for an accommodation based on anxiety, and was granted one. Of course, he *can’t* hold that against me technically, but is there any way to prove that’s *not* the reason I got the lowest grade I’ve ever gotten on a review? And that’s after taking on additional responsibilities this year also. Yeah, I’m not happy. But alas, I am whining – first world problems. I am EXTREMELY fortunate to have a job, one that pays pretty well, and that I am able to work from home still. I am trying to remember that. But I didn’t start this post just to bitch. So why did I?

I was IMing with a Twitter friend yesterday and agreed that it’s probably not good to doomscroll all day – that it can get depressing, and isn’t the best use of time. I told her I think I am “addicted” lol, and that it’s hard not to when so much is going on. But she made some great points, and I though to myself, “Yeah, maybe I should cut it down a little bit.” And so I thought I might do that.

Then today, I get on Twitter, and the ‘trending’ section is filled with all kinds of doomy stuff: Finland announced it’s joining NATO (and Sweden too) which Russia is vowing to retaliate for; the hashtag “stockmarketcollapse” is trending; North Korea has reported their first ever (yeah, ok) case of covid, and has declared a national emergency, total lockdown (also, they launched 3 ICBMs into Sea of Japan same day). And that’s after I came across a story about the heatwave in India and Pakistan being so bad that some birds are getting heat stroke and literally falling out of the sky. It’s true – unreal as it sounds:

https://www.reuters.com/world/india/birds-fall-sky-heatwave-scorches-india-2022-05-11/

Then there is the hepatitis outbreak in children – the one that is still being called “mysterious” by some in the US, but that most people recognize is probably related to covid. And of course, at the same time, the EU announces they are dropping the remaining mask mandates on flights because – well, that makes sense, right? Smh.

I can’t even count the number of times every single day I read a tweet from someone saying that this time we find ourselves in is absolutely surreal. Oh, and then there is the leaked Supreme Court draft saying they are going to overturn Roe v Wade – can’t forget that little piece of Handmaid’s Tale/dystopian goodness. The sheer number of concurrent messed up things happening is absolutely mind-boggling.

So what are we to make of, or do, about all this? Well, a large part of the population seems to be completely apathetic, to all of it. They go about their lives as if nothing is going on – nothing at all. And regarding the pandemic, if you try to talk about it at all, or bring up precautions, they just kindly ignore it, or suggest (or insist) that it’s “over,” and you are being “paranoid” or an “alarmist.” That we just need to get over it and get back to normal. And this is all while cases are going up again, new variants are taking hold (BA.2.12.1, BA.4, BA.5, etc), studies are showing long covid is much more common than thought, etc etc. This post is really sloppy, really disjointed and chaotic – kinda like the world is now, at least to those paying attention.

I have been suffering from a bit of physical anxiety today, and actually had it this morning before I read about too much of this stuff. My chest feels a little tight, breathing shallow, attention scattered. I was wondering if maybe a big solar flare or CME isn’t getting ready to pop off…? There’s a big spot facing Earth right now, AR3007, so it’s possible. But it probably is just all the different stuff going on. And more so than that, the apparent apathy, lack of recognition, lack of concern by so many people. It’s like, are these people alive? Are they conscious? How can people just plod along like nothing is going on?

I guess the simple answer is that they – we – have to. We have bills to pay, mouths to feed, people depending on us. So we can’t just freak out, sell everything, and move to a tiny house off the grid – even as much as we want to. And we – I – do, trust me! Lol. No, we have to find a way to maintain, to keep the wheels of capitalism churning, for ourselves and our families. But damn if it isn’t getting harder and harder. It’s like there is a HUGE tsunami building on the horizon. You can see it, as it grows bigger and bigger. But it’s impossible to discern just how far away it is. Will it be here tomorrow? Next week? Next year? Never? And when you point it out to other people, they just either scoff, or say that you are making too much of it – it’s probably just a little wave that looks like a tsunami; that there have been people for years saying it was going to hit, but it never has, and never will.

But I feel like it’s getting very close now. Will it be a nuclear exchange between Russia and NATO (the US)? Will it be a giant Carrington Event style CME? Will it be a truly lethal variant of covid? Will it be something else entirely that we aren’t even aware of yet? Will it be all of the above?

And that’s just the short term doom. Long term, we have the drought in the West – we are literally running out of water. We have the brutal climate impacts like India is experiencing – temps too hot for humans or other lifeforms, which will create millions of climate refugees, and likely food shortages. There’s an article that came out recently suggesting we are entering the “Pandemicine” – an age that will be defined by all kinds of new viruses and diseases spawned as a result of climate change. Holy shit – that sounds pretty damn bleak, does it not?!

Now I have always considered myself an extremely spiritual person. And I have “known” since I was young that I would get to see the ‘apocalypse,’ end of the age, return of Christ, whatever someone wants to call it. And I’ve also had some intuitions/messages that when the time came, Spirit would take care of those who wanted to endure unto the end – that some kind of accommodation would be made for us – perhaps through the unlocking of latent abilities that would allow us to survive, maybe help from “above” (aliens? return of Christ/Quetzlcoatl/etc)? Maybe something else? I don’t know exactly. But I do know that I am starting to wonder, and HOPE that those messages/intuitions had something to them. Because it seems like things are getting pretty precarious.

And to be sure, things could continue on this slide for years. But it seems pretty clear that we have passed over a threshold, we’ve crossed the Rubicon, and we are in the age of consequences. I do believe that life is eternal, and I am not so much afraid of dying as I am of things continuing to degrade, slowly, painfully, over several years, only to eventually croak, not ever having gotten the chance to learn what we are truly capable of as human beings. I find myself wishing that someone who thinks like us would win a huge lottery or something, and buy/build a place where we could all go to create our own little island of sanity and survival to try to navigate this apocalypse without having to worry about paying bills, etc. We have guys like Elon Musk with billions of dollars, who Tweets out boner insults about Bill Gates. Why can’t one of us get at least a little piece of that wealth to use for a positive end? I’ve been hoping something like that manifests, but it hasn’t yet. I’m still hoping and praying.

I’m not going to link this on Twitter. It’s honestly a bit dark and depressing, it is. And I really don’t want to be the one to spread more fear. But I have to get this stuff out, because some days, like today, I feel like I am living in a bad B movie, or I’m losing my mind – I’m crazy, and all these “back to normal, everything is great” people are the sane ones.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk about living in our current dystopian age 🙂

From the archives : The Hidden Code

A friend posted something on Twitter yesterday about how she was making some correlations between how some people refer to God/Goddess/Spirit as “Source,” and source as it applies to “source code.” She thought maybe she was “out in left field” (her words lol) for thinking such a thing. But it reminded me of my very first website. It was called “The Hidden Code,” and was entirely devoted to the striking similarities between DNA and computer code. I had just learned to code myself, and was fascinated by just how many there were/are.

So here, I present the main page of that old site. Very interesting, re-reading all this, and thinking of the article that came out last week about a physicist’s hypothesis that information might be a 5th form of matter. Makes all this that much more pertinent.

From 2006, my musings…

The human body is composed of a staggering number of cells. Current estimates put the number at around 100 trillion. And inside each one of these – excluding red blood cells – is a highly complex molecule that contains the entire blueprint for a human being – DNA. Since it’s discovery some 50 years ago, scientists have been working hard to decipher the code created by the specific combinations and arrangements of only 4 distinct molecules (A-adenine, G-guanine, T-thymine, and C-cystocine) that comprise the building blocks of DNA. These four combine only in specific combinations – an adenine(A) base will only pair with a (T)thymine base, and guanine(G) only with cystocine(C). These naturally occurring restrictions result in only four possible pairings of the bases – AT, TA, GC, and CG. It is incredible to think that all of the diversity we see within the entire human species is produced by combinations of only four basic elements.

As a programmer, I find it fascinating how closely the logic behind the building blocks of the genetic code resemble the binary language understood by computers. Binary is a language with only two symbols – 1 and 0 – and long sequences of these two numbers interpreted by computers are responsible for everything you see and experience while surfing the web, building a spreadsheet, or playing a video game. Using only a 1 and a 0, it is possible to represent four different values: 00, 01, 10, and 11. It’s evident that the components of the genetic code could be easily represented in binary using only two numbers, or “bits” as they are referred to in computing terminology. So, in theory, the information stored in DNA could be represented in a format that we now use to store and transmit other complex information. In that sense, DNA is a kind of biological, genetic program, hence the widely used “genetic code” terminology.

What I find so captivating about all of this is how similar DNA and it’s components and functions (as related to humans) are to software and the computers that run it. If my computer is not able to edit photos, I can simply load some graphic editing software onto it, and I then have the capability to do what I wish to do. An article that can be reached by a link on thehiddencode homepage entitled “Genetic Upgrade” explains how scientists have discovered that a variation in a gene that arose almost 6000 years ago seems to have provided the human species with the capacity to increase brain size. Continuing with the allegory – homo sapiens wanted to increase their brain size, so a new gene was loaded into us, and now homo sapiens have the capability to do what they want to do. This is, of course, an oversimplified example, but the spirit of the idea is strikingly accurate. If it were not, scientists wouldn’t even imagine gene therapy or similar treatments. The reader is invited to do some self study about the subject of DNA and find out for yourself how fascinating the genetic code really is.

Of course, this brings us to the crux of this matter – how did these genetic variations, specifically the ones that led to the higher cognitive abilities of our species – arise? Many evolutionists and other scientists argue that natural selection and other neatly explainable circumstances led to our unique abilities. While I believe there is some truth to this, I find it difficult to believe that the action of impartial forces such as evolution and natural selection would result in these abilities manifesting in only one of the billions of different species that have inhabited this planet since its appearance in the universe.

Deltacron as Shiva – Hypothesis Update

On my post from January 11th about my hypothesis regarding Deltacron as a possible instantiation of Shiva via AI, I wrote this:

If my hypothesis is correct, I believe the next bit of obscure news about this (I haven’t seen the refutation I referenced mentioned anywhere else, seems as though it’s being kept on the DL) will be that it isn’t necessarily just an artefact, it’s been found in more countries, but still isn’t of concern – no way it can compete with plain omicron, or something along those lines. Following that progression would come something like, “ok, it’s real, and is spreading a little bit, but still – nothing to worry about.” You can guess the continuing progression.

Now over the last 2 months, the BA.2 sublineage has really gained traction in Europe and is causing spikes there again. Thoughts (among those with brains that is lol) are that it will soon start surging here in the US again too. I’m fully expecting that by next month, we will be back on the rollercoaster. But there has also been another story sneaking into the news – and guess what that might be?

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2022/03/10/covid-variant-deltacron/9442062002/

And what did they say about this Deltacron, now that it’s been found int he US, and is believed to be real?

“The fact that there is not that much of it, that even the two cases we saw were different, suggests that it’s probably not going to elevate to a variant of concern level” 

I don’t know – that seems pretty close to my hypothesis to me.

And just today, some actual scientific evidence posted:

I guess now, the question is – what comes next? Honestly, I’m not sure. As intuitive as I have been about this all up to this point, it’s almost like there’s some kind of block or filter preventing me from getting a sense of what comes next. Of course, I believe in the whole “knock and the door shall be opened” adage, so this morning during my morning prayers, I did just just that – I asked for a glimpse into what might be coming next. In the Prophet spread reading a I did a few days ago, The Tower card came up in the position of “upcoming expression,” but that leaves a LOT open to interpretation, and could apply so so many different things.

So now, I keep my eyes peeled, my ears, mind, heart and spirit open, to whatever messages the Universe/Source/Goddess/God/Spirit might have for me. I do have to say that I am pretty tripped out that the Shiva hypothesis seems to be tracking so far! I’ve had my share of failed predictions lol. In fact, I think I even wrote in that post (or the one before it) that I was hesitant to post it because of how many times I’ve been off the mark. But maybe it’s just like anything else – it takes practice. A lot of arrows have to miss the target entirely before they start tracking towards the bullseye. But if a person doesn’t keep shooting for that target, they’ll never get any closer to hitting it. Yeah, maybe it’s like that. I like that.

Blessings to anyone who reads this – thank you for taking the time. I wish you safety, serenity, and clarity of mind and spirit during this time of momentous change.

Navigating the Apocalypse Individually, Together – or Guerilla Spirituality

I wasn’t quite sure what to title this post, so I used both of the terms that were sticking with me. Over the last month or two, I’ve come to a realization. It’s something I’ve suspected for a very long time, but fought tooth and nail against because I didn’t like the sound or feel of it. And it’s something I don’t think others will like to hear really either, but then, I think they will have an inkling already that it’s most likely true, especially after the way the last 2 years have been. I’m not quite sure how to frame this, so I am just going to plunge in. Forgive me if it’s a bit jumbled, but I’m hoping for some coherence.

For a VERY long time now, most of my life really, one of my greatest desires was to found some kind of spiritual movement. While I have learned of many different ones, and there are a lot of great ones out there already, none of them quite had the “blend” I was looking for. Based on a lifetime of research and personal experience, I was just sure that whatever group or movement I founded would attract others like me, that they would want to be part of it, and help me to create something new, something better, more pertinent and effective – something that truly fit today’s day and age, but also brought forward many aspects of many older and ancient traditions that have been forgotten, lost or fallen into disuse.

And so I started trying to do just that – create some type of group – multiple times, with varying levels of time investment. Most recently, I was working on something called the “Order of Unifying Truth.” I had a really nice website put together, a forum on it, even paid to have a fancy logo made. And to clarify – there was never an intention that I would be some kind of great leader or anything – it wasn’t about some Jim Jones style cult deal lol. No, quite the opposite. I felt called to do this, and I wanted to bring people together so they could help figure out what we should do, because honestly, I wasn’t entirely sure. I was compelled to try though, and figured that once enough people put their minds and spirits together, something awesome would emerge, and we could start working to bring some much needed spiritual change into the word. And, just as the many attempts before, it flopped – totally.

After that last attempt, I started to accept the fact that perhaps the Universe was telling me that either this just wasn’t supposed to happen right now, I wasn’t the person to start it, or something similar. Thing is, I felt SO strongly compelled to do it, and had during varying periods in my life, that it was hard to accept that as a possibility. Why would I be so strongly compelled if it wasn’t meant to be? I still don’t really have an answer to that. But another answer of sorts has come to me over these last few months, one that I want to share, because I think it might help some others too who are experiencing similar feelings – that there is something we spiritual people should be “doing,” that we should be gathering and working together to affect change, or at the very least navigate this Apocalypse – and it really is feeling more and more each day like that’s where we are – together. And I think we are meant to navigate it together, as individuals – a type of guerilla spirituality if you will. Hence the title of this post. But what do I mean by that?

I’ve noticed a trend on Twitter, where I do most of my connecting with others of similar mind and spirit. That trend is certain people experiencing a crazy amount of synchronicities, and sometimes, as my friend Bob likes to describe, even “stacked,” such that they are one on top of another on top of another etc. They come in such a manner as to be truly remarkable, astonishing, unbelievable even. And it’s not just one or two people experiencing this. I have seen several posting about it in the last few months, and it seems like the number and frequency has been continually increasing. But what does this have to do with my epiphany?

In short, I think we are all experiencing symptoms of spiritual advancement, apocalypse (in true Greek meaning, revelation of hidden Truth), thinning of the veil, involvement of higher energies, etc, together, in the same time period, but as individuals, with experiences unique to each of us. We can all relate to a certain extent to each other, that we are experiencing this high strangeness – which also comes in the form of numerous, powerful, hyper-realistic dreams for some of us, don’t want to forget that part – but the actual specifics differ slightly for each person. And that makes sense, doesn’t it? We’ve each had unique, individual lives and experiences, no two of us have had the same, identical life. So we each have different things or combinations of things that speak to us, and in our own ways. Something that might be utterly profound and meaningful to me might seem mundane and unremarkable to someone else. It kinda’ goes back to the subjective experience conundrum with consciousness – we each have our own, but that does not mean they aren’t each real, valid, and powerful to us.

And this time we are in, I believe – and I don’t think it’s a stretch to propose at this time, given everything that’s happening – is a very singular time in the history of our species; a time foretold by prophets from many traditions; a time increasingly “foretold” by the prophets of our age – the climate scientists, epidemiologists, historians, etc; a time when human civilization itself seems to be on the brink of collapse, for a number of reasons. If ever there was a time to question the meaning of life, what’s really important, our mortality, it is now. Never before – at least not since I’ve been alive, have so many realistic threats been lined up and pointing directly at us, and with very little hope that humanity as a collective will come together, or even has the will or cares enough to come together to solve any one of them, let alone all of them. Add on the stuff going on in Ukraine, and yeah – getting pretty Apocalypse-y. So if ever there was a time for enough people to be distracted enough, and questioning enough, for something revelatory to happen, at least on an individual basis, it is now.

We are all ascending, together, but individually. The Internet has provided us the ability to connect and realize that indeed, it is a larger phenomenon, that we aren’t going cuckoo or just tripping out. But to try to create some actual group, organization, order, etc just isn’t what’s needed or meant to happen right now – at least not on this plane of existence, where in the past, groups like us have been hunted to extinction, imprisoned, burned at the stake – you get it. No, this time, we are to practice a form of spiritual guerilla warfare. And while I don’t really like to use that term, I think it’s important for those going through this to know that it’s not all “love and light” – at least that has not been my experience. There is a lot of shadow work to be done, I’ve been seeing a lot of posts on that, and it is a form of combat, with ourselves in a way. I think of the scene in Star Wars where Luke is fighting the hooded figure on Dagobah, only to realize that it’s himself. There’s a similar scene in the movie Excalibur where Lancelot is fighting himself. The collective shadow of humankind is struggling against healing and healers right now, and just as in wounded animal syndrome, is lashing out. But we all need to remember – the battle has already been won. It can’t – it doesn’t really want – to hurt us; it knows we are there to heal it, but it’s afraid – afraid of its own death.

And that’s why we all need to work on overcoming fear of death, if that is something we struggle with. There is no death, there is only transformation. We can even turn to science to back us up on this conjecture, the first law of thermodynamics – “energy can neither be created nor destroyed, only altered in form.” Christ talked of this fear – “Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” In other words, by clinging on to this physical life and living in fear of losing it, we lose the *real* life, which does not end – or at least the awareness of it, which is, for all intents and purposes, the same thing.

So I hope that those who read this will take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone; that we are all together, even if not physically, or in some named or organized group; and there is a battle going on, but there is nothing to fear, because the battle has already been won; and besides, death isn’t real anyway – it’s just transformation. That being said, I fully intend to survive everything that’s going on and encourage everyone else to as well. It was said “he/she that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.” To me, that indicates that it’s going to be a rough road, but one that can be traversed and survived.

One final note – I understand the Biblical references could be a turnoff to some folks, and I get it. I spent the early years of my life hating Christ and Christianity. But the fact is, he got totally screwed over by the religion that was *supposed* to carry forth his teachings, and has done pretty much the exact opposite. Fact is, if you read the Gospels, read his words, he was spot on, and the greatest spiritual teacher ever, IMHO. I use the Bible passages because he spoke very clearly to folks like us, and it is a real loss if we throw out the baby with the bathwater.

I wish you all Many Blessings during this time, and look forward to continuing to share our experiences together, as individuals, on Twitter and through other communications. I leave you with these words, which always bring me comfort, and remind me – the battle has already been won.

“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Cannot concentrate on work – Sign received!

I woke up this morning feeling a bit of fear and uncertainty. All of the various things happening in the world right now – the pandemic, the war drums beating in Ukraine and the South China Sea, the divisive rhetoric and rise of the alt-right, extreme climate change, etc – are causing me to think that we really could be on the brink of society – perhaps even civilization – changing, or ENDING very soon. One of the things that’s been really concerning me, and one of the most imminent and realistic threats is the effects of cyber warfare, should Russia (and maybe China too) decide to go after the US in earnest. I remember this article from not that long ago:

https://www.npr.org/2020/12/15/946776718/u-s-scrambles-to-understand-major-computer-hack-but-says-little

I have an uneasy feeling that they could do some real damage to our infrastructure at the drop of a hat. I’d like to believe and certainly hope we have addressed the intrusions and hardened our systems, but knowing how reactionary as opposed to precautionary this nation is, I’m not so comforted.

Then there is the pandemic of course, which I have written about before. I’m all but certain that it will eventually bring civilization to its knees. How soon that will be is still a bit of a mystery. There is a lot of talk of the BA.2 variant, which is now starting to rise exponentially in Denmark and the UK, and has been detected in 40 countries, including right here in good old AZ. But it sounds like – from what we know so far – it’s not any more virulent than BA.1, OG omicron. Although someone on Twitter posted this this morning – looks like deaths, particularly among children, are starting to shoot up in Denmark now:

Now I’ve been thinking about this kind of stuff for years, right? So why the fear and uncertainty now?

Well, with the exception of the very start of the pandemic, and a brief period back in ’94, it’s always been kind of a fictional scenario. I believed it would eventually happen, but then after it NOT happening (“it” being a civilization destroying event or series of events, apocalypse) so many times, I resigned myself to thinking I was silly for believing that, and stopped considering what it might actually be like to go through something like that, in real life. But now…

This morning, upon waking, I started thinking about what it would be like if the power suddenly went out, everywhere, for everyone. I thought about the possibility of “armed raiders” eventually striking out to take whatever they needed from whomever was around. I thought about groups of “patriots” gathering to do that kind of thing together – and the possibility that those groups already exist, and are ‘prepped’ for just such a thing. And that is truly some scary shit. I was thinking about it in real-world terms, and it was very unsettling.

Now I have had this voice in my head, an intuition, a belief for a long time that I would be “taken care of” when the time comes. For a long time, I have hoped it would be in the form of some kind of windfall that would allow me to purchase a piece of property where I could get some off-the-grid type thing going. But that hasn’t happened as of yet. I’ve also been getting the message that everything will just work out – that Spirit will be watching over me/us, and I need to just trust. But that’s a tough one, even as spiritual as I am.

This morning as I was feeling that stuff, I did my morning prayers, and focused on those thoughts and feelings. I asked God/Goddess to give me some kind of little sign that everything would be ok. I felt like I really needed one. I went to Starbucks to grab coffee, and for the first time ever at that one, they did latte art for me, and it was a heart. I definitely took that as a sign. Then, here at home, my BT speaker turned off, all by itself, for no reason. Never happened before. Then, the lights in the family room – and ONLY the family room, where my workspace is – started flickering repeatedly. So it definitely felt/feels like there is something going on, some kind of energy coming through. And yet, I still feel a bit uneasy. I even thought about putting a message out on Twitter, asking if anyone who follows me is independently wealthy, and whether or not they would be interested in funding some kind of commune or something lol. I have faith, but I also like to have a plan – and right now, I don’t really have one.

So living on Faith it is for now. I do feel stuff is about to go down, and in a much bigger way than before. The signs are all there, and it’s not just me seeing and saying it this time. I am armed, have a Berretta 9mm with high grain hollow points under my bed, so I’m not completely “helpless” in that regard. I was put in a situation when my son was very young that convinced me I wanted a firearm handy just in case my family was ever threatened, and I’ve had one pretty much since. I say that to comfort myself as I think about armed intruders coming to grab what they can, like in all those post apocalyptic movies lol. Of course, there is the possibility too that those kind of people just won’t be around, at least not in numbers, or with the strength needed, to have to worry about them. But I believe in the “always be prepared” motto, so…

I feel a little better writing this all out. I’ve felt since I was a small child that I would get to see the apocalypse/second coming/end of the world/whatever in my lifetime. I don’t even know why, but I really did – still do – feel that. And I’ve been expecting it for a large portion of my life. Which has made me look silly more than a few times, when I was just SURE the end was nigh! Lol. And this could be yet another one of those times. But never before in my predictions has an actual mechanism to bring such a thing about been present and active like is happening now with covid. It seems pretty clear that if we were to see a variant with the transmissibility of omicron, and the virulence of something like MERS, it could very well spend the end of the civilization we now know, much like it did with feudalism in the Black Death – it died along with the millions of people, never to return. Could the same thing happen with capitalism? I don’t know, but seems like we might just get the chance to find out.

Whatever happens, or doesn’t happen, I am really upping my spiritual game – praying a lot, meditating a lot, paying attention to signs and omens, connecting with Nature, expressing a lot of gratitude, wearing a lot of talismans, etc etc. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life, made it through a LOT of challenges, by the Grace of God/Goddess, and I’m not about to give up or give in now. I will face each moment with as much courage and faith as I can muster, and remember this saying, which I so love:

“Courage is not the opposite of fear, but the recognition that there is something more important than fear.”

Blessings of Faith, Hope and Courage to all who read this – don’t give up, don’t give in!