Even beginning this post is a perfect encapsulation of where I am right now – I had to Google whether or not I should capitalize all the words in the title. In a sense, I knew that was the correct way to do it, but I was unsure of myself, insecure about it, and not sure what I “should” do. Searching confirmed my suspicions, but I still left it as it is. Thing is, I went to college, I “know” what to do. I’ve just become very unsure of myself when writing.
And that hurts. I used to be an excellent writer. I didn’t work at it either, it just came naturally. Heck, I didn’t even like to read that much when I was younger. But when I was tasked with writing essays in high school, they just poured out of me, with excellent spelling, punctuation, content, structure – I was a natural. Towards the end of high school, the muse of poetry came to me (and I could not STAND poetry, not even the cool ones like W. B. Yeats lol), and I became a fairly prolific poet over the next 8-9 years.
Then, something happened – the muse left me, and I was done with poetry, just like that. Fortunately, I still had my essay writing ability, and in the late 2000’s set about blogging. I had dreams of becoming some famous blogger, of getting “discovered,” or maybe just winning the lottery so I could write a book that I had always wanted to write. None of those things happened, and I never had more than a few followers, but I kept writing. It was basically journaling for the most part, with some posts written in the hope that someday, someone would read them.
In 2018, I finally got a Twitter account going, and started linking my posts there. It did drive up readership – I now had 4 people reading instead of 2 – but still got very little real engagement. But that was ok, as long as it wasn’t just me reading it, I felt good. But I am off Twitter now, for ethical reasons, and I’m not sure how much engagement I’m going to get linking my posts on Mastodon. But that’s not what’s really bothering me. No, what bothers me is that my writing actually sucks now – at least compared to some of the other stuff I read, and more distressingly, compared to some of the stuff I myself used to write. My skills have degraded to such a point that I’m don’t even know if I can consider myself a writer.
I think what started this plunge into insecurity was a Facebook interaction. A person, a writer I really admire there, had posted something about the aesthetic of evil, why the bad guys/girls always seem to look so much cooler than the good ones in movies, stories, etc. I struggled to get the words out to capture my deepest thoughts, and it sounded like something a high schooler could have written. Someone came after me, and wrote something that sounded worthy of Wordsworth or something – I mean, really impressive. Why can’t I write like that anymore? Did I ever?
And the really ironic thing is that I read fairly prolifically now. Every night before bed, I am engaged in reading some book or another. I can’t even count how many I’ve read. One of the biggest pieces of advice I’ve seen for writers is to read more, to help expand vocabulary, etc. But that certainly hasn’t seemed to help me. No, my writing just gets more and more basic. I mean, not that it really matters anyway – I typically am the only person to see most of my posts. But still. I guess I considered it my “gift,” something that I was good at that I didn’t have to work at, was just blessed with – and now, the gift is fading.
It probably doesn’t help that I am the perpetual mystic – the quest for spiritual/metaphysical knowledge and experience of union with the One that is All – has always been my driving force, my true inspiration and goal. And fact is, it’s gotten harder and harder to put my thoughts into words. It’s as if my mind has gotten tired of trying to capture thoughts that simply can’t be captured with mere words. But then, maybe that’s just an excuse, as I read other writers and am envious at how they are able to capture the essence of experiences and feelings. I don’t know.
This post did not go where I thought it was going to, at ALL lol. I was going write about how I got really depressed yesterday; how I’m feeling a mini dark night of the soul; how I’m not experiencing any synchronicities and am feeling “out of the flow;” how I’m feeling the familiar dissatisfaction with life in Babylon. But it ended up being about my fading writing skills. I guess that’s what needed to come out. And, not to sound whiny, but chances are no more than a very few people will read this, so it doesn’t matter in a greater sense. What matters is that what needed to come out did, and maybe now, that darkness will lift a little bit. If you are someone other than me reading this, thank you for the time. And if you ARE me, great job 🙂
“I Trained ChatGPT on My Journals to Talk to My Inner Child.”
“ChatGPT Can Negotiate Comcast Bills Down For You.”
“Since humans can’t manage fusion the US puts millions into AI-powered creation.”
These are just a few of the myriad of headlines that have been published since ChatGPT was released recently. I will link all of the articles below, and if you read them, you’ll see that these aren’t simple “gimmicks” or half-truths to get clicks. The young woman who trained it on her journal entries actually experienced some meaningful healing from chatting with her inner child via ChatGPT; the negotiation of the Comcast bill down was actually successful, although if it’s a bot talking to a bot, it can get stuck in a loop; and the AI managing fusion, things like this are already happening, so it’s not a stretch at all to imagine how much progress we will be able to make, far more than we could without it.
After years of people poo-pooing AI progress, claiming we were decades away from AGI still, belittling and dismissing those of who thought we could see it within the next 10 years or so, even the skeptics have to admit that what we are witnessing now with ChatGPT is some next level stuff. I didn’t even mention the coding capabilities. As someone who spent the greater part of the last 15 years writing code for a living, I am pretty blown away by just how robust its coding skills are getting. You can simply describe something you would like the code to do, and it will whip up a little method to accomplish it. And as someone who has never been the greatest at SQL, I am EXTREMELY impressed and pleased with the query creation capabilities. This has gone beyond something that might work, but is really more trouble than it’s worth, to something I could see being used by developers on a daily basis. Oh, and then there is the aspect where it actually *explains* in plain language what the code is doing. Wow.
And Google is planning to release something soon that could make even ChatGPT look quaint. Its new PaLM (Pathways Language Model) is looking to increase the number of parameters to 540 billion, which will unleash all kinds of new capabilities, and even deeper, more accurate reasoning and comprehension.
I was doing a little meditating this morning, pondering the fact that there is so much to be concerned about these days. Especially here in the US, where we keep hearing warnings about more political violence and a possible “civil war” if the MAGA folks don’t get their way in the midterm elections on Tuesday. And I gotta’ be honest, I’m pretty concerned about it – maybe even a little worried. I talked to my mom about it Friday night, and she’s very scared about what could happen. And there are a lot of people who are scared right now.
As I pondered it for a while, thinking about how I could get to a place of calmness, I thought back to a book I read a while back – a fantastic one that I highly recommend everyone read, especially during scary or trying times: “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl:
Frankl survived the Holocaust, spent time in Auschwitz, and lost his parents, his brother, even his pregnant wife. His book is my absolute go-to whenever I get really fearful, because no matter what I am going through, when I compare it to what he went through and survived, it always pales in comparison. And not only did he survive, but he kept his humanity in tact, went on to help other people, and made something truly beautiful and purposeful out of his immense suffering.
Another thing I focus on when confronting fear, especially of a more existential or societal nature, is the idea of being a spiritual warrior – knowing that, when walking in harmony with Spirit, one can overcome and persevere most anything, just as Frankl’s story demonstrates. If the country did somehow descend into a civil war, then I would take whatever actions I could to protect myself and my family, and also know that I wouldn’t be alone – that Spirit would be watching over me, guiding and protecting me, as long as I kept our connection strong. That means that, while it might not seem important for “battle” to some people, praying, meditating, wearing talismans, observing rituals, etc is extremely important at times like these. I am focusing on keeping that up, paying special attention, even expanding my practice.
And lastly, after thinking about all that, I think about the most important aspect of all this, something that Buddhism teaches so well – the impermanence of phenomena. The fact is, I will die. You will die. Everyone and everything you know will eventually die. It is the way of things on this plane of existence, and accepting that fact, embracing it, relieves a lot of fear. I like to do visualizations of my essence, and the essence of others, lifting out of their bodies. Or, to be more accurate, something like disintegration – I feel all the particles and atoms that make up my physical being start to separate, grow more distant from one another, as I become more fully the consciousness holding those particles together, and not the body they make up. At this more loosely organized state, I can look back at my body and realize that it’s not me – it’s just a vehicle. Doing this brings me a lot of peace because I know that they can’t really do anything to me – the fear is all based on that vehicle and what happens to it. But it’s not me.
I’ve been having that meditation a lot lately, and I REALLY like it. I’ve done it so much throughout my life that it feels 100% real to me. There is a part of me that knows that is the reality of things. And because our modern society, through news, social media, etc preys on fear and insecurity associated with maintaining the physical vehicle – or at least the appearance of such – above all else, I have to work hard, take extra time to do those meditations to keep that belief strong. And at times like this, it’s more important than ever to help me maintain some hope and serenity.
Hopefully someone else who is feeling a bit fearful right now will read this and find something that will give them comfort. I know it helps me to write it out so I can remember, come back to it, when I start getting caught in fear. I always like to remember the last lines of the Hopi wisdom verse I share a lot – “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” I sometimes struggle to believe that. But I think it’s the truth, and believing that to the very depth of my being – that’s the goal I work towards. Many blessings to all who read this on their path towards Truth…
The question often posed by rational people who think the “let it rip” method of dealing with the pandemic is insane is, “Don’t the governments and industries see how damaging it’s going to be to the economy in the long run for millions of people to be dead or disabled?”
The fact is, they have already taken that into account, a long time ago, and aren’t concerned one iota. Turns out Tucker Carlson and all those white nationalists in the US and around the world are right about replacement theory – they ARE coming for our jobs!
But they are wrong about who it is that’s coming for them – it’s not the immigrants, the brown people, or people from “shithole countries” – no, they are losing their jobs too. In fact, millions already have.
That trend is only going to accelerate. There’s a reason people like Mark and Elon don’t seem to acknowledge or give one rat’s ass about the way workers are treated, the risks associated with covid, the future of the economy – they won’t need us useless eaters much longer.
The very few who are tracking this and raise alarms about it are getting gaslit about it, just as we are about covid: we’re alarmists, we’re panicking, there will always be jobs for people. “Relax” they tell us, the market will take care of us!
But this is a HUGE blind spot for people, and honestly. And I think there is a campaign underway, has been for a while, to keep this hidden – in plain view – from people to avoid what would likely be a revolution (see Luddites)
The new PM in Italy, those alt-right folks in Poland, the US, UK, Scandinavia – they are being manipulated by old Rupert Murdoch and the other elite to fear the “others” and blame them for taking their jobs. Set us to fight against each other, so we don’t destroy the machines.
If you ask 100 people, in any nation, if they believed that up to 800 MILLION workers would be replaced, not by immigrants, but by AI, androids – how many would say that it’s true? How many would believe it, honestly?
This is real – this is happening – right now, and right in front of people’s eyes. THIS is the great deception. THIS is why they don’t give a shit if millions of us are killed are disabled. Ah, but you’re a white collar worker – a CEO, a lawyer, etc – YOU don’t have to worry.
Well sweetie, hate to break it to you, but yeah, you do. Turns out no one is safe, not even the folks at those levels.
And I am almost ashamed to admit it, being an artist or sorts myself, a self-styled writer – but even the artists aren’t safe. They won’t even need us around to serve as their muses or entertainment, or to make cool graphics or logos for them.
All this being said, I do not hate or even fear AI. In fact, I love it. “Why?” you might ask, considering my job will soon be easily done by AI too.
Well, I think there is a small chance that instead of going rogue and destroying humanity (which is a real risk, we’ve all hear the warnings from Hawking, Musk, etc) AI could very well bring the reason and rationality we need to save ourselves from extinction – reason and rationality that seems to be completely lost to humanity right now.
This rather obscure (shouldn’t be) paper – and forgive the 1994 ‘design’ lol – asks the question,
“Will Artificial Intelligence be a Buddha?”
I think the fact this is so obscure says a lot about “their” true motives.
I’m not quite sure how to wrap this up, other than to say that it is more important now than ever to ask, “What is it that makes me human? What is important about that? And what is the purpose of life? Of my life?” For centuries, religions coaxed us to confront these questions. But now, it is technology, the arising of a NHI among us, that is begging our attention to these. So many are fascinated by “Disclosure,” UAPs, aliens, ETs – I am too, love that stuff! But the fact is, the human species is giving birth to an alien, NHI (non-human intelligence) right here, on Earth, right now. And just as we look over the border to the “other” in regards to our job security, we look to the skies, “out there” in regards to our evolution as a species.
I have right in my profile, at the very top, that I am a Hermetic Seeker. And the core principle is *not* “As above, so below.” That is an over-simplification that completely misses the bi-directionality, the cyclicity of that process of evolution/devolution.
The *actual* principle is
“That which is Below corresponds to that which is Above, and that which is Above, corresponds to that which is Below, to accomplish the miracles of the One Thing.”
Seek meaning, and not in your job, society, “success,” etc.
The One Thing that each of us has is our experience, our interpretation of events, our consciousness. That is what is precious, unique, what neither moth nor rust doth corrode. Great changes are upon us – there is no going back to “normal,” pandemic or no pandemic.
Accept the change, lean into it, and know that you matter; your experience matters; and no one can tell you what is “normal,” how much life is worth, or what you “should” and should not worry about.
Seek whatever Truth is within yourself, and remember the words of the wise elder,
“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
“In the world, you shall know great tribulation. But be of good cheer, for you have overcome the world.”
For my blog that is lol. Actually, this is going to be a bit of a “fluff” post, just something to replace my “Feeling down” one, so that’s not what someone first sees when coming to my blog now. I’ve been doing better, and wanted that to reflect here. I also did a brief rewrite of the About page. It was still referencing my previous handle, “Forgotten Mystic.”
I’m planning to write a full post again soon, but I’m in the I mode (Input) of the I/O cycle , so not much to say at this moment. I’m sure that will change though – always does.
If you’re reading this, thanks for coming by. I don’t have a lot of readers, so I greatly appreciate the few I do.
I was getting ready to post this, then thought it sounded vaguely familiar, decided I probably ought to see if I already had a post titled “Feeling down.” And what do you know – I did, I do. It’s from February of last year, so about a year-and-a-half ago. I skimmed over it, and there are definitely some similar themes I am experiencing now. But I would describe what I am currently feeling as more of a burnout sensation – like I am just REALLY tired of life in this time and place right now.
And I know, I have SO much to be grateful for – I don’t really have anything to bitch or complain about, at all. I have a wonderful, supportive wife; our kids are all doing well; we have a nice home, food to eat, clean water to drink, stable jobs. I mean, I am living a blessed life. So why so down?
I know that the ongoing pandemic(s) has a lot to do with it, and to be more precise, the reaction to it by so many, the way it is being “handled” by governments and institutions in the West. I think what really gets me about it is the underlying message, and it’s one that I have already known about for a long, long time. It’s the message of brutal capitalism, one that says, “Your life is worth absolutely nothing – it only has value in the value it can provide to the shareholders, wealthy elite.” As I said, I and some others have known that for a long time. What’s REALLY depressing is all of the mindless freedumb fighters rallying to support this wonderful system who are gaslighting those of us pointing out its obvious flaws. We get flamed all the time on platforms like Twitter, and now, even the media, even supposed liberals are joining in, imploring us to “get back to normal” and “learn to live with it” regarding covid. Never mind the fact that people are still getting very sick from it, still dying, still coming down with long covid.
Another dynamic that gets me down is the morass that is the political landscape in this country (the US). I know we are always supposed to try to “see both sides,” to try to relate to people from other parties and ideologies, and find at least some common ground. And we are not to demonize the other side, we are to show them respect and kindness. But the fact is, there just IS no common ground anymore, and those who have bought into the MAGA/GQP cult of personality created by the Great Cheeto simply will not be swayed. He is their savior, their god, can do no wrong, and they will worship him to the bitter end. It’s utterly sickening, and I just don’t understand it, at all. And there is no “two sides” to it. He is utterly without honor, compassion, morals, dignity – he stands for all that is vile in this world, and is dividing this nation as it hasn’t been since the Civil War. In fact it’s a common cry of his supporters to have another one. So yeah, that’s depressing.
And of course, there’s the thing that I and others have been talking about for years, been trying to get people to pay attention to, battling against the petroleum lobby and – surprise surprise – those same GOP/GQP folks to try to bring attention to: climate change. It seems each month, each week, each day brings new stories of “unprecedented” weather events – blistering heat waves, torrential floods, crippling droughts, etc etc. And yet there are STILL people out there arguing that we aren’t in a climate emergency, that these cycles have always happened, yadda yadda yadda. Meanwhile, we are ripping past all of the worst predictions of the climate scientists and barreling towards 3-4C warming by 2040, easy.
Now one might think – I mean, I would have thought – that knowing a lot of this was coming, which, as a student of prophecy and science, I have known, would have given me some insulation against getting too depressed or down. I had hoped it would put me in a better position, and indeed, a lot of the time, I am in a better place mentally. I see what’s happening and know that it was foretold, and know that something wonderful was also foretold. And most of the time, I can hang on the faith that the other part, the great part, is coming soon enough that I can hang on until it gets here – that it will be totally worth it. But then sometimes, like today, I just don’t think it is worth it. I think it’s just too far away still, and that this life is just going to be watching the collapse get worse and worse – right up to my end here.
And as I said earlier – I live a very blessed, privileged life, so I *should* be grateful that I get to watch the collapse from such comfortable seats. But I’m not today. I was told when I was young that I was an “old soul,” and indeed, I seemed to be ill-fitted for this modern world from the get-go. My 52 years here have been extremely challenging on a deep, soul level, because it was just obvious to me from a very young age how very wrong all of this is. I saw the way the Native Americans used to live, and thought “Certainly, this is how it was meant to be – in harmony with Nature, with Earth, with all of creation.” But being a little white boy in a red state, that wasn’t a real popular opinion to have, and it still isn’t. Because capitalism. Because the economy. Because money, success, hard work, modern society, blah blah blah. This is all SO much better, don’t ya know. I’m supposed to be grateful to live in ‘Murica, and quit being a bleeding heart, tree hugging, whiney liberal.
Nothing has changed – the acceleration of capitalism’s domination and poisoning of the Earth and of human’s minds has only accelerated. I still feel the same way – that this is all wrong. And somehow, I have managed to swallow all those feelings, to stuff them deep enough to be able to play the game to be able to support myself and my family. But I’m weary from that struggle today. I’m tired of having to play the game. I’m tired of having to live around and deal with all of the selfish, willfully ignorant, apathetic, entitled, spoiled, disconnected children most adults in this society are. I’m tired of having to be someone else to fit into this society, and not being able to be myself, because I wouldn’t be able to survive or provide for those who depend on me. I’m just tired.
I know this will pass, it always does. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I’m hoping this one will pass quickly. But it’s starting to recur more and more often, and I find that I am struggling more to get out of it. I found myself even looking into short term disability options at my job this morning – though I don’t know what that would really get me. It would just be a temporary alleviation of the work stuff, not a real fix.
When I was younger, I always thought, and hoped I think, that this civilization would end in some massive, cataclysmic event, and in a matter of moments, the entire world and life we knew would be turned on its head; only a small percentage of people would survive. I liked to think that I would be one of them, but was ok if I wasn’t too. I just wanted this sick experiment to be OVER. But it seems more and more like it’s going to be a very long, slow, drawn out process, and I think that is part of what has me down. I feel like a good part of my life has been suffering just because of my core nature, and I don’t really want to suffer anymore, especially with some things getting even WORSE than they’ve already been.
I realize this probably sounds like the words of someone who is whiny and entitled himself, and I own that. But it’s the truth, it’s how I’m feeling. There are some who say that we chose to be here at this time, to experience this, and I think that is a possibility. If so, I would like to find a wormhole to travel back in time, slap the shit out of myself, and say “What were you THINKING?!?” Lol. Because right now, as much as I’m trying to keep myself going with hope of that “something wonderful,” all I’m seeing is the continuing shitshow, getting shittier by the day, with that wonderful thing so far off, I doubt if I will live to even see it.
Edit: Not quite sure how I failed to include this, but another thing that has been really adding to my recent depression is an issue that I am experiencing with my right arm/wrist. It pretty much came out of nowhere last week, and is causing me a fair amount of discomfort and pain. Whenever I extend my right arm completely, or move my wrist in a certain manner, I get the sensation of a string being snapped or something and a sudden pain in my right wrist. I did the Google diagnosis thing, and it sounds a lot like radial tunnel syndrome – like that nerve is getting hung up on something, then suddenly releasing when I extend my arm. I am grateful that it doesn’t hurt all the time, for sure.
The thing that gets me about situations like this is that it challenges my belief in the healing abilities we have as spiritual beings. I have always liked to believe that we could, with the help of Spirit, heal ourselves, or at least allow healing to happen via it. But more often than not, that doesn’t seem to be the case. The chronic pain in my right hip is a great example of that. I spent SO much time praying, meditating, doing creative visualizations, trying alternative therapies like acupuncture – but nothing worked. Ultimately, I ended up getting into pain management, which, thank God, has helped me to live a pretty normal life. But I’m not really sure what to do with all that. As I’m writing this, I am reminded that we are really to pray for others, and maybe that’s part of the issue, that I am focusing on praying for myself, not asking others to pray for me – something I very rarely (if ever) do.
And then there is the role of pain itself. Perhaps it isn’t about healing pain, but overcoming those things that could cause us to lose our lives, and maybe sometimes not even that. I believe very strongly in the ability of pain to teach things that nothing else can. I know that my chronic pain has opened my mind in ways that nothing else could have – made me more compassionate for others with chronic pain, and provided a deep understanding of the challenges many people face that are hard to fathom unless you experience them yourself. So yes, there are probably spiritual reasons for pain, and good ones. But that doesn’t negate the fact that the experience itself rather sucks, and can contribute to depression after a while. In my case, I’ve been pretty spoiled to have avoided most major health issues or serious injuries, so when it does hit, the “otherness” of it takes a mental toll.
So yeah, that’s where I am right now. Apologies for such a negative, depressing post. But then I don’t expect many people will see this anyway. I don’t have a huge audience, so the “damage” will be very limited. I feel better for having written it, at least a little bit anyway. I just have to get through today, take it just like the Program – one day at a time. Who knows – that meteor, that Carrington Event, that magnitude 10 Earth shaker might still happen. If not, or until then, chop wood, carry water it is.
This post has been gestating for a while, but for whatever reason, I’ve been putting off actually writing it. Then last night, I was cleaning up some old notes I have stored in a note app on my phone and came across this quote, which I liked so much that I wrote down and saved it:
“The individual seeker after truth may gain enlightenment, but for himself alone, not for humanity. Therefore a magician confines the wisdom he acquires to his own bosom, or imparts it to a single pupil, or buries it under obscure expressions which he commits to parchment; but he neither can nor will impart it without reserve to humanity whose path appears to lead downward into a constantly deeper night.” ~ Viktor Rydberg, The Magic of the Middle Ages
That quote is even more intriguing when you take into consideration that that book was published in 1879 – long before the covid pandemic, the advent of nuclear weapons, visible impacts of climate change, etc, etc. But even back then, humanity was viewed by some as being on a path “downward into a constantly deeper night;” or at least by the mystic who wrote that book. And that’s probably an important distinction, because mystics, prophets, shamans, etc, seem to have a different view of humanity than most people. And admittedly, it can be a pretty bleak view, as is showcased by that quote.
However, that does not mean, as I have seen suggested by some people on Twitter recently, that we cynical mystics are actually RESPONSIBLE for what’s going wrong in the world because we are spreading “negativity” and “doom and gloom.” That’s like saying those who are calling out the alarm about climate change are responsible for “creating” the climate emergency we are now experiencing. That’s simply not true – they are merely calling our attention to something that has come about as a result of people IGNORING the pleas of those who have cared for decades. And the same can be said about the current psychic/moral/spiritual state of humanity. We did not create this situation – no. In fact, we have been crying out to any and all who would listen for EONS to try to call people’s attention to the fact that if our species didn’t change, if we didn’t refocus our priorities, if we didn’t learn to value life – ALL life – more than prestige or material wealth, we, the entire planet and all its inhabitants, were headed for trouble, for very hard times.
Did people listen? Certainly, a few (very few) did, and still do/are. But many of us have been crucified, burned at the stake, excommunicated, banished, silenced, persecuted, etc, etc because the fact is, it’s much easier to just go with the status quo. And let’s face it – it’s a lot more comfortable too. One has only to look at the current covid pandemic and see just how hard it is to get people in the west to make the HUGE sacrifice of wearing a mask to prevent the spread of a contagion that can kill or disable people to see just how little appetite most people have for doing anything, no matter how small, that might inconvenience them in any way. And that’s not to say that all mystics are pillars of morality or doing the right thing, and not to say I am for sure. It’s merely to serve as one example of how hard it is to get people to do anything they don’t want to, especially if it threatens their comfort.
So where we are now as a species, it was all foretold to happen, many times, by many different teachers and traditions across the ages. We were warned that if we didn’t change our ways, we would suffer severe consequences. And we were given a VERY long leash – at least 2000 years, and one could argue, even longer. What we are seeing happen now with pandemics, droughts, fires, floods, deadly heat waves, water shortages – it’s exactly what we were told was coming. I think most people are surprised to see the actual severity of what’s happening, so when someone like me posts something about it, they get angry that I’m not posting something hopeful, because that’s what they really need right now – some hope that everything is going to be ok. And I totally understand that, I do.
And here is the real rub – on a deeper level, concerning what’s truly real, everything IS going to be ok. In fact, it’s going to be awesome – eventually. I say all the time, there is something wonderful waiting for all of us just on the other side of this, and I believe that to the core of my being. That being said, no amount of prayers, energy, sending of “love and light” is going to change what’s coming now. We are living in the age of consequences – and there are several to be experienced based on what humanity has done, and not done, over the ages. There’s no “get out of tribulation free” card. It’s cause and effect, one of the the laws of the universe that applies to both the physical and spiritual realms.
This does not mean however that everything really is doom and gloom – that there’s no hope at all, that we should all be nihilistic – because there is a lot of spiritual progress to be made by individuals, or even small groups at this time. This could very well be the most challenging time ever, psychologically speaking, for a human being to live during. Daily, we are confronted with another existential threat to our continued existence as a species. And while some are in the realm of “could happen,” like the nuclear threat, what’s happening with the climate is an “already underway, going to get worse” kind of situation that we can see having worldwide impacts. One can look at all that and get despondent or anxious, which is a totally normal reaction. But one can also look to prophecy, see that this was foretold, and take comfort in knowing what time it is – and that, in the words of a Hopi elder, “This could be a good time!”
So know that we prophets and mystics don’t want, never have wanted, what’s happening now to happen. But to deny where we are, to try to avoid or wish it away, or blame it on those of us who saw it coming – none of that helps right now. We need to move on to the 5th stage of grief, past the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, and get to acceptance. Only then can we harness the power of this moment for our spiritual development in a manner few humans have ever been fortunate enough (crazy as that sounds) to experience. It is possible to hold joy and deep sadness in one’s heart, at the same time even, and we who feel this way do so on the daily. And yes, it is important to give the positive aspect equal time, and I have perhaps been slack on that – at least in my public postings. Perhaps I will work on that, to display more balance. One might read my posts and think, as some have pointed out to me lately, that I focus too much on the negative. I’m not that way in “real life,” not at all.
We are living in a very special, albeit very difficult, and challenging time. There are many things to be endured, both externally, and internally. But there is a Source of strength and hope available to us all, at all times, if only we seek it out. Those who wish to endure unto the end of this age have that opportunity, if they so wish. Know that it won’t be easy, but the reward will be immeasurable. For none of us were created that we should perish, but that we should awaken to the Life everlasting that is the true Source of all being. I will leave you with this verse, one of my absolute favorites to give me hope when I am struggling. Many blessings to you on your Path. Know that the Light is always there, always available, no matter how dark it may seem…
“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”John 16:33
I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while for two primary reasons. First, I didn’t want to post something of a predictive nature if it was just simply thoughts I came up with in my head. And that’s even more important when you consider the second reason, which is the fact that it’s pretty dire, rather dark. I know there’s already so much out there to cause concern, worry, fear, etc. I was reticent to put something else out to add to that. But a number of different things have happened over the last 2-3 weeks that seemed to be guiding me to go ahead and post this, and so I am. If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that it’s not really about me or what I think is “best” all the time. Sometimes, the stuff just wants to get out. And if I don’t do my part – well, it will just keep bugging me to until I give in lol.
“It strikes me as ironic that the coronavirus was given the name COVID-19 by the World Health Organization. Strangely, COVID bears the same consonants as Cavod or Kavod,כבוד, the ancient Hebrew word for glory, honor, or divine Presence. I’m reminded that in the Torah, Moses begs God: “Har’eni na et KVOD-echa! Please show me your glorious KVD Presence! Show me Your face!”
Did you know that in the Kabbalah, Kavod is a code word for Shechinah? She is Mother Nature, the Power of Creation, who is the 1 who receives from and fountains back to the 9other (masculine) faces of divinity. Therein lies the 19 of Kovid-19.
Wow! What if we understood KOVID-19 — this horrific virulent virus (our ancestors would surely call it a plague) — as Shechinah’s formidable face showing up today to admonish us, correct us, love us back into our rightful place as creatures, not masters, of this earth? Let’s ask: What can I do to put myself back in alignment with Heaven, with Mother Nature, with the Power that is Greater than us all?”
That certainly fit a lot of my beliefs about it, and I especially liked the tie-in of the the Divine Feminine, the Shechinah, whom I and many others believe is set to return in all Her majesty very, very soon. And the personification of Mother Nature. I have said SOOO many prayers to our Mother Earth to just be done with us already – to just end the awful experiment of greed and colonialism that this species has become and return the planet to the animals, the trees, the rivers, mountains, insects. Seems to me we have done nothing but spoil this paradise, turned Heaven increasingly into Hell, and totally lost our way. So the idea of Her coming back, doing so through nature, and “admonishing and correcting” us – that resonated deeply with me.
And so it is that the covid pandemic has gone on and on, with seemingly no end in sight. Because the fatality rate is so “low” – and I say that gingerly, knowing of 4 people personally who died of covid during the Delta wave, wasn’t “low” for them – and so many people think it’s “mild,” they – governments, businesses, most people – have decided to let it rip. And rip it is, churning out new variants at an ever increasing pace. And the fact that we haven’t seen a truly deadly one yet, like something with a 25-35% case fatality rate, is sheer luck or Divine Grace – but it’s not “expected” as so many minimizers and deniers think.
Of course there is the specter of long covid, and millions of people, even young people, are already experiencing it. One might think that the idea of spreading it to others would be enough to make most people at least make the tiniest bit of effort to slow or stop spread by wearing masks. But oh no – they can’t be bothered with that, because NOTHING is as important as their individual freedumb. It doesn’t matter that you or your loved ones might be killed or disabled by the virus. It was “mild” for them, and that’s all the validation and reasoning they need to live as they wish, no care or concern for others. And sadly, even many of those who were once careful have fallen into the “have to live with it” camp – again, never mind that for many people, “living with it” means living with a chronic condition that could render them unable to work, enjoy life, or possibly even cause early death by stroke, etc. That’s where we are.
Then, as if that wasn’t rough enough, another contagion comes onto the scene – monkeypox. Here, we have something that causes visible lesions and pustules, and would presumably be something that no one in our overly materialistic and vain culture would want. I thought when it came out, “Certainly, people will try to avoid this. I mean, who wants to be on Instagram looking like THAT?” Ah, but the magic of minimization, and the old “blame it on gay sex” trope has made sure that it has spread at a completely unprecedented and unbelievable rate – all while most people can’t even get tested for it unless they are gay, sexually active men. One might be inclined to think that they would have learned lessons from the covid pandemic. And boy, did they! They learned how to minimize, misinform, and mislead people to the point that the average person has no idea what’s happening, let alone the fact that it *can* spread via aerosol transmission.
As all this was happening, a thought, insight, vision, prediction, whatever you want to call it, popped into my head. We are at strike 2, and if people don’t take monkeypox seriously, we are going to get hit with a third strike, and it will be devastating – like, on a new level devastating. Because covid has been devastating for millions of people. And the long term health issues are going to be devastating for millions, maybe billions more. The message I got was that covid was a first test – something that could kill, but didn’t have an extremely high fatality rate. Still, it kills indiscriminately, and even young, healthy people have died from it. It’s invisible, you can get it and not even show symptoms, so the whole idea is that it’s a test of compassion – do people care enough about others to make some very minor personal sacrifices, like wearing a freakin’ mask – oh, the horror! – or do they take for granted the fact that maybe it was mild for them if they got it, and run with selfishness and apathy? We all know how that’s going.
Now, there’s monkeypox. Here’s something that, as far as I know, doesn’t appear to be (and I say appear, because I don’t honestly know as of now) killing too many people. But it sounds like it’s very painful, very unpleasant and can leave some rather unsightly scars, especially if it happens to attack the face. And I’ve heard some stories about it getting into people’s eyes, causing them to lose their vision. Would people take the steps necessary to avoid the spread of this, knowing that it could cause pain, possible permanent visible scarring, partial blindness in some cases, and other effects we don’t entirely know about yet? How would humanity handle this test – would it be strike 2?
I’m no umpire, but it sure looks like a strike to me. Sure, there was a little flattening there for a few days, but one can see a few of those along the way – and up, up, up it goes.
And this is where it gets a bit dark. I mean, everything I’ve presented so far is just what’s happening now, and it’s admittedly pretty damn dark. It’s frustrating, depressing, disappointing, unbelievable, maddening – all these things. Because those of us who actually care, and can see where this is leading, feel like we are screaming into the void as all these “back to normal” zombies run towards the freedumb they so desire. Well, there is a certain freedom that comes in death…
And I think, at least what my intuition is telling me, that we are on the verge of experiencing the third strike. I’ve had a few experiences, as I mentioned in the beginning, that finally convinced me to write this piece. So if it turns out to be completely wrong, I blame “them” – the voices in my head! Lol. But I digress in disclaimer – the images below are what finally put me over the line, and inspired me to write this down. These were generated from the prompt “the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse” being entered into the new image generation AI program DALL-E:
“What do those have to do with writing this article?” you might ask. Well, you probably noticed that there are not 4 horses or horsemen in those images, but 3. Which in and of itself, wouldn’t really mean much. But considering the fact that I have been sitting on this idea of 3 strikes, 3 plagues, 3 whatevers, for a couple of weeks now and wondering if I should write about it or not, well… I mean, if the images all had 4 people/horses in them, I wouldn’t even be posting this. And to be fair, 2 of the 6 images rendered did have 4 people/horses. But 4 of them, 67% of them, had only 3 objects, which is a pretty high level of inaccuracy for an AI program of that level. Sure, it could be coincidence, or explained algorithmically. But to me, it was a message to write this.
Now, for what reason, I don’t really know. I would say to warn people that something else, something much more deadly, might be coming soon, and to be extremely vigilant and careful regarding personal health measures and spiritual practice. But then, I think most people who follow my stuff probably already do those things. I could be wrong – it does happen once in a while lol. Maybe it’s my ego, wanting to get something out to be able to say “I called it!” when/if it does happen. Of course, I’ve learned the hard way that that’s a great way to set oneself up, because the Universe has a funny way of not following predictions. Or maybe it’s to spur discussion. Maybe other people will read something here that resonates with them, strikes a chord, reminds them of a vision or dream they had, and it will provide an affirmation of sorts. I honestly don’t know.
But I have decided that at this time, I am going to stop questioning “why?” when compelled to write stuff like this and am just going to do it. I keep a good amount of stuff in for fear of being ‘wrong’ or making people mad if I predict something that doesn’t come to pass. And to that end I will say, as I always do, I could be, probably am, TOTALLY full of it, and nothing like this will happen. But, BUT – what does it hurt one to take extra precautions to guard against covid and monkeypox, which are already out and spreading? And it is always a good time to enlarge and deepen one’s spiritual practice, especially in trying, turbulent times such as these. It’s truly a win-win, and so there’s really no good reason not to put this out, right?
Hopefully, you didn’t say anything, because I’m hitting “Publish” now 🙂 If anything in this resonated with you, leave a comment below, or hit me up on twitter with some feedback. We’re in this together, and as the Hopi elder said, “We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.”
I’ve been thinking of writing this post for a while, but am never quite sure where to start – there is just so much going on in the world, and in my mind and spirit. I guess the latest reality-shaker was the overturning of Roe v Wade here in the US – something that was always talked about by the conservative right, but was seen more as a silly dream they had than something that would, could, actually happen. But, in yet another shocking (sickening) twist, another item has been added to the list of things that once seemed completely impossible or improbable but have actually happened over the last few years. I was already struggling with maintaining before all that went down. Needless to say, it added quite a little salt to the already festering wound that living in this society of covid minimizers has become for me and a few others.
That’s a key component to my current malaise too – that it seems like only a few, very few, others see things as being as messed up as I do. I am blessed to have a group of folks, my “tweeps,” on Twitter who see it similarly – a group of people who are still trying to avoid getting covid, who see the constant efforts to minimize it and make those of us taking it seriously feel like we are crazy, for the gaslighting it is. I mean, the *real* scientists and researchers who actually know about this stuff and have no vested interest in pushing any narrative – who, ‘coincidentally’ seem to be the ones getting no real media coverage – are pretty much all saying the same thing: that letting covid spread unmitigated is a terrible idea, that it has long term health consequences, that we will generate new, possibly even deadlier mutations, and that the increasing numbers of people getting long covid will have a deleterious impact on society. But for some strange reason, no one wants to listen to them. They all want their daily dose of hopium – to continue to believe it’s “mild,” that he have to learn to “live with it,” or that “covid is over.”
Now, as someone who has had enough counseling and therapy that I should have an honorary degree, and also experienced tons of the self-help methodologies over the last 30 years, I *should* know better than to focus on all that stuff. I’m also in recovery, 19 years clean and sober, so I also know about taking things one day at a time, focusing on the things I can changed and accepting those I can’t, etc. I know all that stuff – I do. AND, I have the spiritual beliefs I do, especially regarding prophecies of several different traditions, and an idea of what time it really is. So there’s that aspect too. I “know” on psychological, mental, emotional, and even spiritual levels, that I really need to just focus on breathing, not taking on the problems of the world, just do what I can do each day to be of service, yadda yadda yadda. And that’s not to minimize any of that stuff, it really isn’t. I say it like that because I’ve been following a version of that mantra for over 30 years, because I have had to so I could just function in this world of materialism, consumption, and brutal capitalism. I’ve always been a pariah of sorts, but learned to keep that under wraps a bit, and “fake it til I make it” in this world. But the pandemic, and collective response to it, have made that virtually impossible, as the act of wearing a mask is a very visible indication that I – we – don’t think or believe like the ‘others.’
Because it’s not just me. Even though it feels like that a lot of the time, walking into a store, and being the *only* person wearing a mask. And I know there are some who insist that the 2 concerns are separate – in fact, I see and hear a lot of supposedly “spiritual” people engaging in anti-mask, anti-vaxx, or minimizing dialogs. But I just don’t understand how anyone who claims to truly care about other human beings could be so flippant and lazy about something like wearing a mask. Vaccination – ok, I can give a pass on that. I understand some are concerned about side effects, and they honestly have a right to harbor some mistrust. But what is the excuse for refusing to wear a mask? If you know there is even a small chance that you could spread covid to someone who is vulnerable by not masking, and that person could die, is there any question that the truly spiritual, compassionate thing to do is to wear a mask?
The fact is, just as it says in that one book – we are living in an age when the love of many has waxed cold. Even worse than the selfishness, willful ignorance, and laziness, is apathy – the fact that a lot of people just don’t give a shit anymore. And that is the great paradox of the whole “freedumb” movement that most people don’t take into account: the fact that discipline is a form of love, and when people don’t receive any at all, they feel unloved, they stop caring. Because if everyone can just do whatever they want, no one cares whether or not we take any preventative measures, the underlying message – even to the minimizers, though they might not be consciously aware of it – is our lives are worth nothing. They don’t care, so why should we?
As an example, I think back to when I was a teenager. My mom and dad had divorced, and my mom was doing her best to raise my brother and me on her own. She went through a period where she was drinking heavily, and stopped providing any real guidance or discipline. She was partying, and didn’t care if I was. And it was great! I got to drink, smoke weed, stay out as late as I wanted – basically do whatever I wanted. I was free – what more could a high school kid ask for? Thing is, at some point inside, I translated that as “she doesn’t care anymore,” and so I stopped caring. I got into all kinds of drugs, did things I never thought I would. Now I’m not saying that my drug use was her fault, or that if she had been more involved, or provided more discipline, that I wouldn’t have gone the way I did. And I am definitely not blaming her. She gave us a good life and worked her ass off to do it. What I am saying is that a lack of discipline and oversight can easily been seen as a lack of caring.
So while all the “freedumb fighters” have gotten what they have wanted for the most part – no masks mandated anywhere, not even on flights; people being forced to go back into offices, again with no masks; winding down of testing, tracking and quarantines – it has created, I believe, an even deeper sense of apathy in the collective unconscious. Because the governments of the west are basically communicating that they don’t care anymore. And as much as the libertarians and others want to be free from any governmental oversight, there is still some part of us that looks to someone, something, to give us some kind of guiderails or lane lines to keep ourselves and our society on track. But those rails are gone now. There are no lane lines. And people are careening all over the road of life, creating havoc for themselves and others by means of spreading a virus that is being shown more and more each day to have severe, lasting, possible permanent negative health effects – on the body, and the mind.
Circling back to the spirituality stuff, the prophetic aspect – I *knew* that a time like this would come. And I’m not talking just Bible stuff here. People always seem to assume that Christianity has a monopoly on prophecy – they most certainly do not. (See this post for more info: https://perpetualmystic.com/2021/06/17/return-of-the-gods-2/) Fact is, a LOT of traditions do. And it’s pretty hard not to see how many things – diseases, climate change, conflict, etc – are lining up in a way they never had. On top of that, I’ve had my own intuitions/visions/thoughts about this, and always believed I would get to see the end of this age. So one would think that I would be spiritually prepared for this. I sure thought I would. But I think I expected something more drastic, more cataclysmic, something undeniable to happen. The way this is occurring – a very slow, methodical, almost purposeful decline into poisonous apathy – is really taking a toll on me.
And I know it’s taking a toll on others too. Many don’t share my spiritual beliefs, but whether or not they do, it’s clear to see that what’s happening right now is REALLY messed up – very nefarious, one might even say evil, if one believes in that. The question is – how do those of us so impacted by this keep going? Well, the simple answer is, we just do – most don’t really have a choice. I know I don’t. I have bills to pay, loved ones who count on me, etc. I just have to keep going, one day – sometimes one hour – at a time. But damn if it isn’t getting harder and harder not to just completely dissociate from everything. I find myself struggling like never before to focus on work, and just wishing and praying I would win a huge lottery so I could buy an island or big piece of land somewhere where we could build a “zero covid” community, or something of the like: a place for people like us to go, to be away from all the minimizing, apathetic, freedumb loving zombies lol.
Of course, I have to accept the chance that this might not happen. And so now the focus, for me, is on, how can I continue to make some spiritual progress against the background of all this “stuff”…? How can I be of service to others going through this same thing? What can all of us do right now to help maintain our sanity, our humanity, and our health? Why won’t the Universe let one of us win the lottery? Lol. I have been doing a lot of praying and meditating lately, asking for help, and clinging on to every ounce of belief and hope I can muster up. Because I’m not giving up, and I am not giving in. I’ve struggled through too much to get to this point and just give up. I do feel like I need a bit of a spiritual boost, and right now, my tweeps are giving me just that – the knowledge that I’m not alone, and the hope that together, we can get through this.
So if you are reading this, and made it all the way to this part, I want to say THANK YOU! Thank you for being here, for sharing your experiences, for making sacrifices, for having a conscience, for not giving up! I don’t know how any of this is going to go really, but I do know that together we can do what I cannot. A very wise and compassionate man once said, “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” I like to think that whenever 2 or more of us gather, even here, in the digital universe, something greater than us is here with us. And it is that something that I am looking, praying, and clinging to to help us all get through this. Something deep inside has always told me there is something much better, something wonderful, on the other side of all this. I often times have a hard time believing it myself. But as long as I’m not alone, I can continue to carry that hope. We can carry it, together – and maybe there really will be something wonderful waiting for us. And who knows – maybe the comradery is the “something.” Just as the journey is the destination, maybe the companionship is the salvation we all seek – or at least the key to finding it.
Many blessings to all who read this, and my eternal gratitude.