The Coming of the Light

Part I

I have been pondering just how to write this post for a long, long time. And lately, I have fallen into the trap of trying to write stuff quickly, to get it out, so I can link to it on twitter, to gain more readers. As much as I try to avoid being consumed by the desire to be “liked”, to be popular, to have people read my stuff, it still gets me sometimes. One would think I would know after being on this path for over 30 years now that the great majority of people just aren’t as into this stuff as I, and it’s unrealistic and unhealthy to expect them to be. I need to let go of that desire – again, continually, each day. I need to continue working on that.

However, I also need to be careful not to swing too far the other way – to get pissed off, or hopeless, or apathetic, a kind of “screw you” attitude, and just stop writing altogether. Because that isn’t healthy either. And even if only one other person reads this and gets something out of it, well – that’s one person more than if not. And even if I am the only one who reads it while I am writing it, that’s ok too. Because as I write stuff, I work through it, and sometimes new insights or understandings flow out. It is a creative spiritual process that should be enjoyed for just what it is, without expectation of recognition or popularity. Of course, this is like the 1000th time I have said this to myself lol. But, having always dreamed of being a published writer, I need to be gentle on myself.

Way back when, back in 1993 or so, I had an idea come into my head about just how things were going to go when the time came. By “the time,” I mean the second coming, the apocalypse, the return of Quetzlcoatl, the blue star kachina, the moshiach, the star beings, the great enlightenment – whatever you want to call it. And as I have mentioned previously, I have been eagerly awaiting, and falsely predicting (lol, though not as much lately – I don’t think – hopefully – it’s a process, ok!) that the end was nigh. Now by the end, I didn’t mean the end of the world, the end of everything, or a rapture; no, I meant the end of this society as we know it; the end of the reign of capitalism, greed, ignorance, etc. That’s the end I’m talking about it. And any way you slice it, there was/is going to be some real tribulation involved.

For a long time, I thought there would be some big, singular, global event that was going to do it – a giant meteor, a worldwide earthquake, a devastating plague, a huge CME – something that would just wipe out most of civilization as we know it in a flash. But as I have grown older, while that is still always a possibility, I see that we are in the midst of that process now, it is just slower and more deliberate than I had thought it would be. Just look at the climate crisis – and it is a crisis now – unbelievably hot and dry conditions in some areas, 1000 years floods in others. Look at the covid pandemic – the virus keeps mutating, creating new variants, and seems to have a particular talent for positive selection. And then you have all the anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers ensuring that it continues to spread as a result of their ignorance and selfishness. These 2 things alone, if they continue to progress – actually, just the climate is going to do it eventually – will basically destroy modern civilization as we know it.

So it is coming, it is happening, right before our eyes. And it seems there is very little we can do to stop either. At least with covid, we can get vaccinated, mask up, avoid crowded places, etc and protect ourselves. But we can’t make other people make the right choices, so it will continue to spread, and it’s just a matter of time before a variant with a much higher mortality rate arises. As far as the climate goes – sorry to say, but we are hosed. That boat sailed a LONG time ago, and we are in for a very, very rough ride. It’s become clear over this last couple of years that it is changing much more rapidly, and more severely than any of the models, even of worst case scenarios, predicted. And if you watch some videos about climate refugees, water wars, etc – it’s some scary shit. It’s going to bring that dystopian future we all feared – it’s coming. And that can be very disturbing, frightening, and make one hopeless.

But I want to talk about that idea/insight/intuition I had, because I think it can give some people hope. I know it does me. I didn’t want to share about it publicly until I could be sure that it’s actually possible, scientifically speaking. Because while I am a mystic, I also believe strongly in science. And I know that my mind needs to know that something is possible, however far-fetched the science might seem, at least in theory. Because if it isn’t, or I can’t see how it could be, there will be that little voice of the scientist inside saying, “This is just a silly pipe dream – it’s simply not possible.” Now I do believe in miracles; I do believe there are things that happen that defy scientific explanation, and I completely accept that. In fact, I live for that. Life would be empty and meaningless to me if EVERYTHING had to be explained scientifically to be believed.

That being said – if we are talking about something that includes an aspect of changes to my mind, my body chemistry, my physical makeup – even if it is to be some miraculous event that I believe in my heart is going to happen, I know that for it to really come true, for it to have the impact I would desire, I need to at least be able to hypothesize how it might happen – what physical or energetic mechanisms might enable it. Because if I can do that, if I can visualize it, BELIEVE that it really is possible, then I am stamping my pass to the next level of mental, physical and spiritual evolution – and here’s why.

The idea I had was that a giant solar flare and/or CME would erupt from the sun, directed squarely at the earth. When it impacted the planet, it would have the effect of completely frying and obliterating our entire electricity based infrastructure, planet wide. There have been plenty of books, TV shows, etc about such a scenario, and it’s always a dystopian, post-apocalyptic scenario where billions of people die, and only those tough enough, with enough grit to make it, survive. It’s not a pleasant thing, for sure. And for a long time, I was ok with that aspect of it. I was young, healthy, fit – let it come, I thought. I welcomed it!

Another major reason I welcomed it is because I had a crazy intuition that that solar event would be the “second coming” in a way. I believed it would cause a spontaneous mutation in some people that would give them what amounts to some kind of superpowers, or at least heightened abilities, that would allow them to live more easily in the post-apocalyptic world. I wasn’t quite sure what those powers would be, but I was pretty set on the fact that it would happen, in that way, and that some of us would be ok. Of course part of that would be based on the spiritual aspect – those who were generally good, compassionate, caring people (or at least really tried or wanted to be) would experience positive mutations, the people who were just middle of the road would experience none, and the people who were genuinely cruel, arrogant, selfish, uncaring, un-compassionate, etc would receive mutations that might humble them a bit, shall we say. There is a lot more behind this – maybe when I win the lottery and get a chance to write my book… Lol.

As I have grown older, that intuition has always stayed with me, but I started to think more about the mutations. What kind of (realistic) mutation would actually make it easier to live in such a world? If I can’t think of one that’s somewhat realistic, or that would actually help, well, that’s not good for my theory. And how might such a mutation actually happen? Is it realistically possible? When I was young, I was more comfortable just floating it out there, but now I am older, a little more skeptical, and want to know – could something like that actually happen? So the last several years, I have paid attention to those questions, and am happy to say that I have received answers to them – answers that satisfy, disappoint (honestly, not the power I would have chosen) and surprise. And I am going to share them. You can make of it what you will. My theory could be a complete crock. But the articles I will cite, the science and physics I reference, are not. Theoretically speaking, it sounds like it really is possible. And now that I know that, I am setting out on a mission to meditate and visualize about it so that, if there is a major solar event in the future, I can try out my hypothesis.

But I am guessing that the thing you are most curious about at this point (I know it would be for me) is what that power is – what ability would allow one to sail through the apocalypse without worry or concern (relatively speaking – of course we would still be concerned for everyone suffering, etc). Any guesses? Here’s a hint:

Young Sprout Grow In Dirt With Sun

In my next post, I will go more into it, and get into some of the physics, etc. In the meantime, you can ponder these words, and check out the article they come from:

Imagine if we could do as the plants do, and feed directly off the sun’s energy. It would certainly make our lives easier: The countless hours spent purchasing, preparing, and eating food could be redirected elsewhere (and we wouldn’t even need Soylent). Over-exploited agricultural lands would revert to natural ecosystems. Rates of starvation, malnutrition, and food borne illness would plummet.

Check out Part II here:

Prophet gonna’ prophesy : Covid-19 and the Return of the Divine Feminine

I posted something on twitter just a little while ago that I was feeling some pretty intense anxiety, and that I needed to do some prophesying. This isn’t the kind of anxiety that typically accompanies worrying or stress – it’s different. But the closest physical analogue I can come up with is anxiety. It’s like there is a pent up energy that wants, NEEDS, to get out, and so here we go!

And quick disclaimer – I don’t claim to know anything, could be totally full of crap, and put this out only because I feel compelled to do so. If you think this is all a crock after reading it, it honestly won’t hurt my feelings a bit. I’m not looking to be any kind of guru or anything like that, I’m just following my instincts.

That being said, I am going to start off with a list of bullet points to sum up what I am going to try to explain. This topic could, really should, take up a whole book. And indeed, I hope to one day write such a tome. I guess, in essence, if you took all of my blog posts, it would make a book of sorts. But I digress – and I really need to get this out. So I am going to try to stay focused on this topic.

And one more disclaimer – given the group of people I am blessed to communicate with on twitter, you may very well know most, or even all of this. And if that’s the case, apologies in advance for that. But hopefully the bullet list will prove that out, and you can save the time you would have spent to read something more informative. With that, here is said bullet list:

  • Mother Earth is a physical manifestation of the Divine Feminine Archetype – the Goddess.
  • Mother Earth/the Divine Feminine has been treated like shit for at least 2000 years, more really.
  • Mother Earth/Goddess has been LONG suffering, but is at the end of her rope/fuse.
  • Father/God/The Divine Masculine (and not the macho, manly, ugly American “patriot” style masculine – NOT that) is also very pissed and ready to dish out some discipline to the “kids” who have now grown older, more dangerous, and are misbehaving worse than ever.
  • The uptick in severe climate events is evidence of this, and they will continue to accelerate, beyond predictions, in frequency and severity.
  • Covid-19 is the new Biblical “Flood” – it is God/Goddess warning us that time is up for this ugly chapter of selfishness, arrogance, lack of compassion, disrespect of the Divine Feminine/Nature, greed, etc etc.
  • We are all being given PLENTY of warning, time to come to grips with our beliefs, ideals, morals, values, etc, before the REAL purification begins.
  • A much more deadly variant of covid will arise, most likely in America, because it is the country that most personifies the gross materialism that has poisoned life itself and the collective consciousness of humanity.
  • Several, in fact most, of the world’s spiritual traditions talk of a time of cleansing/purification, so it stands to reason that it isn’t just a Christian, Revelations thing – it’s Universal.
  • It isn’t, doesn’t have to be, as scary as it sounds. Several prophets have come to reassure us that those who had eyes to see and ears to hear would be ok – not that it will be easy, but nothing really worth having comes easy.
  • I could be wrong about most of this, but I think the first few points are inarguable, and I will provide some interesting tie-ins/synchronicities to support my other propositions.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on the first few bullet points in this post. I think the news of the last month or 2 should be enough to show evidence of the climate stuff – 120F in Canada, floods in Germany, extreme drought in the western US – the climate is off the rails right now. In this post, I want to focus on Covid-19, what I think it is, some “clues” I’ve gotten that contribute to this intuition, and what it means for those of us who are made aware.

Let’s start here –

When covid first came into the news last year, I had already been thinking that something big was going to happen at any moment. Then, in March, just as things were starting to get serious here in the US, I came across a post on a forum I used to frequent (not going to mention the name, it has become a haven for Q conspiracy theorists and racists, really bad) to keep up with news that might not make the mainstream. I came across this post:

Whenever one says “COVID-19”, one is cursing everyone else with a Hebrew spell.
The Hebrew word “L’Kovid” means “(sacrifice) in honor of god”, to begin with.
The chapter 19 of Chabad “book of numbers” is about “god’s curses” concerning magic contaminations of people.
Now you know why MSM suddenly stopped saying “coronavirus” and started saying “covid 19” non-stop.
Websites and forums also stopped using the word “coronarivus” and replaced it with the hebrew spell.
Definitely NOT a coincidence, and “they” want this endemic to spread as far and as fast as possible.

Now there is definitely a flavor of conspiracy theory in that post that I don’t necessarily ascribe to. But as a student of Western Esotericism and the occult, the idea that they “happened” to choose for it could be so closely related to a Hebrew term that means “sacrifice in honor of God,” at least according to that post. Most magicians and occultists know the power of the spoken word, and even science is coming around to the power of sound and vibration. The idea that every time someone says the name of the virus they are intoning a Hebrew word with those connotations – intriguing to say the least.

When I say that covid is like the Biblical Flood, what I mean is that we are all being given PLENTY of advance warning about what it is (a deadly virus spread by aerosol transmission), what might come if we don’t take it seriously now (more deadly variants), and what exactly we need to do to ‘build our ark’ (stay safe). And what is that? What HUGE, Noah-like sacrifice do we need to make? Do we need to spend years building some kind of ark or structure? Do we need to give away all of our worldly possessions? Do we need to sacrifice our first born? No. We need to wear a little piece of cloth over our face. And maybe get a vaccine. That’s it. That’s the huge sacrifice we have to make. And yet many people make it sound like it really IS a huge sacrifice. People protest about it, people have even been killed over it. And why? Is it REALLY that horrible, honestly? I don’t think so.

I would argue that it is selfishness, arrogance, lack of compassion, false-ego, hubris, willful ignorance, etc – stuff like that that drives anti-maskers. If you are reading this and you are one yourself, then sorry to offend, but that’s what I believe. It’s just such a small inconvenience to help protect others around us, especially the vulnerable – the aged, the immune compromised, the children too young for vaccines. So I would argue that covid is the perfect test for how much actual compassion and empathy a person has. I don’t know one person who is compassionate and thoughtful that doesn’t wear a mask. Funny, that.

And let’s go further. In the Bible, people mocked Noah while he built the ark. They ridiculed him while they were out partying and having a great time, thinking he was just a worry wort and that the whole idea of the flood was overblown. Sound familiar? But he trusted that what God said was true, and he took the insults and mockery as he kept building his ark. Think of the people calling them “face diapers,” or people like Tucker Carlson saying that people should call the police if they see people making their kids wear masks. Again – sound familiar? It does to me.

We know that the virus has mutated. And while historically, when such a thing happens, a lot of times, the mutations are negative, they weaken the pathogen, and it loses its power. But for some strange reason, covid seems to have a special talent for selecting mutations that make it more virulent, more transmissible, etc. So far, we have lucked out (if you could call it that), and we haven’t seen one with a fatality rate like Ebola or something, or there would be many more millions dead. BUT – scientists have told us repeatedly that the more it spreads, the more it mutates, and the more likely it is for worse variants to arise. So it’s not out of the realm of possibility to think that one could surface that could kill FAR more people than the versions out there now.

So selfishness plays a BIG part in the continued spread, and thereby mutation of the virus. But so does that other trait the plagues humans so often – greed, love of money. The first world, developed, rich nations have plenty of vaccines for everyone, even though a lot of people in those nations refuse to take them. Meanwhile, there are many developing nations that don’t have enough vaccines, or the ones they do have are far inferior to the Pfizer, Moderna, etc ones that the rich nations have. So guess what’s going to happen in those nations that have been left to fend for themselves – you know, those “shithole countries” that the MAGAs would be happy to see everyone die in. The virus is going to spread and mutate more – and those variants will inevitably make their way back to developed nations, even those where the majority of people are vaccinated. And if those variants have higher vaccine escape properties – yeah, not good.

Now of course, masking still works very well for all this, even if not perfect. And interestingly enough, there is even an interesting symbolic/ritual tie-in to mask wearing as well. Now the person who made this video, I think she was trying to point out that wearing masks is part of some “satanic” initiation ritual, and something to be avoided. But I took it differently – I took it to mean that those who are ok wearing the masks are indeed being initiated into something, but not satanic. Watch this, and see what you think. In any case, wearing masks is associated with ritual initiation, and the video is interesting:

So I guess it should be clear now that I think covid could very well be the Biblical Flood of our generation, and we all have a chance, plenty of time, to ‘build our arks.’ Which, for me, means wearing a mask, getting vaccinated, praying, meditating, keeping my awareness high, being open to signs/synchronicities/symbols from Spirit to guide me, as well as cherishing the connections with those of like mind and spirit (you!).

And as if to just top all of this off, like the cherry on top of the covid-flood sundae, I find this while looking for that forum post this morning – something I had never seen before, but something that TOTALLY ties all this together: (from

“It strikes me as ironic that the coronavirus was given the name COVID-19 by the World Health Organization. Strangely, COVID bears the same consonants as Cavod or Kavod,כבוד, the ancient Hebrew word for glory, honor, or divine Presence. I’m reminded that in the Torah, Moses begs God: “Har’eni na et KVOD-echa! Please show me your glorious KVD Presence! Show me Your face!”

Did you know that in the Kabbalah, Kavod is a code word for Shechinah? She is Mother Nature, the Power of Creation, who is the 1 who receives from and fountains back to the 9other (masculine) faces of divinity. Therein lies the 19 of Kovid-19.

Wow! What if we understood KOVID-19 — this horrific virulent virus (our ancestors would surely call it a plague) — as Shechinah’s formidable face showing up today to admonish us, correct us, love us back into our rightful place as creatures, not masters, of this earth? Let’s ask: What can I do to put myself back in alignment with Heaven, with Mother Nature, with the Power that is Greater than us all?”

What if indeed. WOW… I came across that article *after* deciding I was going to write this post, and determining what it would be about.

So there it is, my big “prophecy.” Again, might not be anything really groundbreaking here, but I had to get it out. As I said above – if it all sounds hokey, is totally wrong, doesn’t come true, pisses you off because of the mask stuff – not to sound like an a-hole, but I honestly don’t care. I didn’t write this to gain friends, followers, or fame. In the words of Charlton Heston in “The Ten Commandments” –

What I did, I was compelled to do.

Please take care of yourself as you see fit. Many blessings to you, and thanks for reading this kookiness.

What’s really going on – continued

Part II – The antichrist and the Great Deception

I remember going to see the movie “The Man Who Saw Tomorrow” when I was a kid, and it scared the crap out of me. It was about the prophecies of Nostradamus, narrated by Orson Welles, and it really shook me up. Especially the last parts, about the antichrist(s) and the end of the world. Apparently, according the the interpreters, Nostradamus predicted there would be 3 “antichrists”: Napoleon, Hitler, and the last one, who was yet to come, and would bring on Armageddon. Now Napoleon seemed a little suspect to me, even as a kid. Hitler, that one seemed plausible, and according to the movie, Nostradamus used the word “Hister,” which is pretty darned close. The third one was predicted to “rise in the east” and would bring on the great battle of Armageddon, which would wipe out most life on earth. They gave a few other clues as to who they thought it might be in the movie, and it was fairly clear they suspected it would be someone from the Middle East, or maybe even China. And looking from the perspective of a Westerner, that IS where the antichrist would come from, right?

And so began a little hobby of trying to figure out who the antichrist would be, where he would come from. Had he already been born? Was he in Iran maybe? They were always doing “bad” stuff, being mean and calling us the “great Satan.” Or what about China? All those communists, intent on destroying all us God-fearing Christians in the U S and A. It’s a hobby that used to be really popular back in the 70’s and 80’s among many Christians, but strangely, seems to have waned quite a bit. I’m not sure if they just got tired of looking, figured it out and didn’t tell me, or just don’t care anymore (I’m betting on this last one), but the whole game of trying to figure out who the antichrist is or would be seems to have ended – and just when I figured it out!

Another concept that pervades Christianity is “the Great Deception.” There are different interpretations of it, but most of them revolve around someone or some group of people coming, proclaiming themselves to be Christ, when in reality, they are just the opposite, false “messiahs,” and it the devil would be orchestrating all of this. So there is another level to the game, which is keeping your eyes and ears peeled, and trying to figure out who the real messiah is among all the false ones that will come. So now it gets REALLY tough, because you have all these false prophets, you have the antichrist coming, and the devil pulling all the strings. Wow – that’s a lot to keep anyone guessing! And if at this point, you are starting to have a, “Waaiiitttt…..” moment, that’s good – that means you are seeing that the great deception IS the great deception. And the false prophets and the antichrist? Well, let’s just take a step back and look at it logically.

Christ gave 2, yes TWO commandments supposedly while he was here:

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” ~ Matthew 22: 37-40

Now it seems pretty clear therefore, that an antichrist would be someone who broke, nay, trashed, those two commandments, and encouraged everyone else too as well.

And a brief disclaimer here: when Jesus spoke of God in the Bible, it was NOT the god that most Christians pray to, at least not the fundamentalists ones. I think if Christ saw what Christianity had become, he would be appalled. No, the God Christ spoke of was Source – the One from which the Many came; the God that is the Spirit that interconnects and gives meaning to all Life – THAT God. And that God is not some guy in a white robe casting down judgements – that God is Energy, is Love. I digress a bit, but it’s important to make the point that the commandment fits all religions and spiritual traditions: Love the Creator, God, Goddess, Allah, Jehovah, the One, Source, Buddha nature, Mother Earth, whatever – with all your heart.

As hard as that first commandment is, especially in today’s day and age when people are so sick of the god that has brought so much war and misery to mankind that they are turning towards atheism in droves, that second commandment – THAT is a doozy, even for the best of us: to love our neighbor as ourselves. And to be certain, I’m pretty sure by “neighbor” Christ meant every single person we came into contact with. In today’s day and age, that could be extended globally, as we are aware of billions of ‘neighbors’ here on planet earth. And what about all the other living creatures – the plants, trees, birds, bees, dolphins, wolves, cows, insects – everything. Christ didn’t say “love other people” as yourself. He said neighbor. And even Mother Earth herself is a neighbor. So that is the commandment – to love literally everyone and everything as we love ourselves. Wow. THAT is a tough one. But that isn’t to say we can’t try, and to be sure, there are some people who have given some good examples through history of what that might look like.

Ok, ok, so I have waxed philosophic and been on my soapbox, but at this point, even I am asking myself, “Give it up dude! Who is the antichrist?” In one word, the antichrist is


That one word encapsulates who, what the antichrist is. It’s not any one person, it’s not some guy from Afghanistan, Iran, or China. It’s not even Donald Trump (though he certainly channels division and hatred for “others” quite well, an effective manifestation of those forces). The antichrist is an archetype, and it has been with humankind from the beginning. It is, quite simply, apathy: a total lack of caring for anyone, or anything, including – and ESPECIALLY – one’s self. Just think about how pervasive depression and self-loathing are, especially here in the west. It’s endemic, and I can’t think of anyone – anyone who actually cares about anything anyway – that hasn’t experienced some kind of deep depression in their lives. And if we hate ourselves, don’t love ourselves at all, then we are actually fulfilling that second commandment in a perverse way – we are (not) loving our neighbors as we (don’t) love ourselves. What better way for an antichrist to accomplish its mission? Make people hate themselves, and the commandment can be followed. We all ‘love’ each other as we ‘love’ ourselves.

And the same applies to God. It’s popular these days to rail against religion, to blame it for all of the problems in the world, especially the big 3 – Christianity, Judaism, and Islam – and honestly, I have been on that bandwagon too in my life. How many millions of people have been killed, are still being killed, in the name of “god”..? Way too many. So when someone is “commanded” to love God, they are like, “Hell no, I’m not loving that fantasy concept that has caused so much misery on this planet.” Add on to that the fact that you can’t PROVE that God exists, and you have a perfect recipe for throwing that first commandment right out the window. And the tendency of people to now worship science – and I LOVE science, btw – as a religion in its own right, has made it even more challenging for people to believe in a creator, especially those who do like it, because we are viewed as “naive,” foolish, or ignorant for believing in God. It’s either/or – either you believe in science or you believe in God – can’t do both and be taken seriously.

So where does that leave us? Well, I would say “mission accomplished” for ye olde antichrist, wouldn’t you? People filled with apathy, selfishness and self loathing certainly aren’t capable of, or even interested in loving any of their neighbors, outside of their own tribes. And love God? Only if you want to be seen as silly and ignorant, because no truly intelligent or rational person can believe in God. And what happens when you have a dynamic like that at play?

You get the 4 horsemen having a field day. You get a pandemic spreading around the world because a lot of people just don’t care enough to be bothered to wear a mask, it’s just “too much” to ask of them. And hey, if they haven’t gotten sick, it must be a hoax, or overblown. Never mind that 4 million people have died from covid – 4,000,000.

You get a climate changing so rapidly that even the biggest skeptics are getting a bit freaked out – fire burning in the sky, causing the high temperature in Canada – CANADA – to reach 121F. And why? Because most people just don’t care enough to make any real changes, especially if it doesn’t impact them directly. To be fair, more than the apathy of people, GREED of the money changers has caused climate change. I made a post on Twitter lately about that whole dynamic. There is a reason that the one time Christ got really pissed and violent in the Bible is when he tossed the money changers out of the temple.

You get inequality the likes of which has never been seen. People in some poor countries are literally dying to get vaccines, but their nations simply can’t afford it, while you have doses spoiling in rich nations like the US because some people simply don’t want them. And somehow, we think that we can just let those nations rot basically, and it won’t affect us, we will be ok.

I could go on, but I don’t think it’s necessary really. The antichrist is an archetype that, more than anything, wants us to hate ourselves. Because when we do that, the commandments can be fulfilled without any opposition. We are fulfilling the Law in a very sick way, following the commandments to a “t.” And the great deception is that each and every one of us has a bit of the antichrist in us – it is within us all to manifest, to bring forth either the Christ, or the opposite. And to bring that Christ forth, we need to do the hardest thing of all – we need to love ourselves. The old adage, “Physician, heal thyself” is more a plea than request at this point.

So before we can even begin the Great Work of loving all people, loving all beings, loving Mother Earth, we need to begin the GREATEST work, which is loving ourselves. Turns out, all those cheesy cliches about “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself” aren’t so cheesy – they are true. And this is a deeper love than just self-help can provide. Because we have to connect with all the pain that humanity has caused – we have to acknowledge it, ask the spirits of those who have been harmed – human, animal, plant, etc – for forgiveness, forgive ourselves and our ancestors, and pledge to not do harm going forward. It is a process, a journey, and a path not many would wish to walk. But if we are to truly be what I believe we were created to be, our highest selves, the manifestation and the embodiment of Christ’s Love, it is the only journey that really matters. It is the Quest that leads to the Holy Grail, and I hope that you will join me on it. I am nowhere near reaching the goal, as is evidenced by plenty of my other posts – but I will strive onward, and hope others will as well. We may not be able to save everyone, but if we can save ourselves, that might just be enough. Peace and Blessings on your journey…

Another dark night of the soul –

Hopefully this one doesn’t last as long as some have. But this one is pretty brutal, and to be fair, I brought it on myself.

After the last few weeks of temperature records being shattered in Canada and the Pacific Northwest, forest fires, articles about megadrought in the West, I picked at the scab by watching some more in depth videos about the situation, and they were extremely depressing. And these are from credible sources, science-based – not conspiracy bullshit or anything like that. Here are just a few of the ones I watched:

Now it probably wasn’t the best idea to watch these when I was already feeling a bit down, but hiding from the brutal truth is a big part of what got us where we are now. And we knew this was coming. It’s not like news or anything. Because as much as the Republicans and their far-right, Fox News loving, Trump worshipping zombies try to deny that human induced climate change is occurring, it most certainly is – and it is ALREADY having devastating impacts – impacts that will only get worse as time goes on.

The thing, as the report highlighted in one of those videos makes abundantly clear, the wealthy elite will be the LEAST affected by climate change. Those responsible for most of the actual damage to the climate will suffer the least, while those in developing countries and other poor people who contributed little to it will suffer the most. Once again, the concept of fairness is brutalized, and once again, those who don’t really deserve to suffer any more, will. And those who ought to pay SOME kind of karmic debt for what they have done, or not done, will glide through life enjoyably.

Now I understand the whole spiritual side of the equation, the whole gather not treasures on earth but in heaven, and the idea that eventually, EVENTUALLY, those who have done so much harm will get their just dues. But every now and again, I have my doubts about that – I lose my faith, in God, in myself, and DEFINITELY in humanity. I wonder if I am just bullshitting myself, if all spiritual people aren’t, just to make ourselves feel better and keep from killing ourselves to escape this cruel, cruel world.

And to be sure, it is a very cruel world, especially for a sensitive person, which I have always been. I think back to the teasing and bullying I experienced as a child, and while one can say, “Yes, but they were just kids, they didn’t know any better” – why did I know better? Why did I and a lot of other kids NOT do that kind of stuff? And the bullying, teasing, and overall cruelty continues on in life, and is actually rewarded. I deal with it in my job now, and do you think anyone – even in the 15K employee corporation I work in – stands up to the bullies? No, because they produce great ROI, and that’s what matters. The others go into police work or similar professions where they can abuse people with relative impunity. Or maybe even Wall Street, or hedge funds, or lobbying – you know, professions where being brutal, uncaring, and not giving a shit about people, their feelings, their livelihoods – where that is REWARDED. That’s ‘Murica, that’s freedumb, that’s capitalism. Yay.

This world is just no place for a kind soul, for a sensitive person, for a caring human being. It eats people like us up and spits us out. Oh sure, there are plenty of good people out there doing good things, and God bless them all. And there are those who are stronger than I, that’s for sure. But for some of us, this shit just gets to be too much sometimes – just the brutal ignorance. It gets really old. I am trying to get my faith back, get some hope back, some little grain of optimism. But it’s really hard right now. When I go to someplace wearing a mask and get scornful looks from some people – like, really? Why the fuck do they even care? What is it doing to them? The stupidity, selfishness, cruelty, tribalism, willful ignorance – it’s just crippling sometimes. I thought when the Orange Messiah lost the election, we could be over that. But oh no, not at all. His grip remains strong as ever, and people still believe the lies and bullshit he peddles. Just sickening. And to be sure, there are people on the other side, the left, who are going too far that way. The whole political correctness movement has gone way too far, and sometimes, it’s impossible to even know what to say without offending someone. But I would rather err on the side of being too conscientious then just not giving a shit – telling people to “Deal with it!”

I probably won’t do a lot of public posting for a while. There aren’t many people who read this crap anyway, so it won’t be any big loss. I used to hope to gain some notoriety, or some kind of voice in the world. But this spiritual shit doesn’t “sell.” People don’t care, don’t want to hear what someone says about it – not someone like me anyway. It’s time to slink away to the shadows again, and leave the people to their world. I will just hang on to what little sanity or hope I have, until I can make it to the other side of this dark night.

Something in the air…

And not just UFOs.

I had an extremely hard time getting to sleep last night. I tossed and turned until well after midnight. I tried the things that often work for me and that I always recommend to others: practiced deep breathing, listened to some binaural meditation music, tried to meditate. But there was a very unsettled, almost chaotic energy around and in me it seemed. I finally drifted off sometime after 12:30am.

I have been experiencing some difficulties at work that have caused me to not like my job very much. Up until this last 6 months or so, I have loved it, and my boss loves me. But I have been working with an extremely difficult, unappreciative, and unreasonable internal client who has made me miserable. I actually dread signing on recently. After 3 hours of trying to work, I just couldn’t do it. I sent an email out to the team saying I wasn’t feeling well – and I was not – and I was taking a sick day. I am very blessed to be able to do so, and don’t take the opportunity for granted. I worked in blue collar jobs for many, many years, and know a lot of people don’t have this luxury.

I posted a little blurb about it on Twitter – not necessarily the work stuff, just about the general feeling of malaise. Nothing too in depth or anything. I was a bit stunned to see just how many other people are in that same exact place (maybe not about a job necessarily) as I – feeing tired, demoralized, a bit hopeless, deflated. And to be certain, it’s not just about the job. No, this feeling runs much deeper. There is just a general feeling of dissociation, which for me, is rather depressing. I like feeling ‘connected,’ and I just don’t today. From the many replies I got on Twitter, a lot of other people, at least among the little community I inhabit, aren’t either.

I will write more later – have to run to a doctor’s appt now with my pain management specialist. Just thought I would put this out there to capture the moment.

Interlude – a Vision, an Unexpected Word

Saturday morning, I was laying in bed, thinking about some of the events of the past week or so. Since the pandemic started, I have been telecommuting, and as a result, have had more time in the morning – no more long drive to work each day. So I have gotten back into a practice of regular prayer and/or meditation each morning before getting out of bed. It’s been one of the more positive things that has come from a tough situation for the world, and I am committing to continuing, even if I do go back into the office someday. Although at this point, it seems that’s not likely. Our company, as many others, has (FINALLY) instituted some full-time telecommuting options, and although I was initially reluctant about it, I love it now. But I digress –

So as I lay there, I was starting to try to meditate, but as I said – was thinking about some of the events that have been going on – in particular, the astonishing heat wave that hit the Pacific Northwest and Canada, and even more specifically, what happened in the poor town of Lytton, CA. They hit the ALL TIME high temperature for the country, ever, last Tuesday of 121F. Just unbelievable. I live in Phoenix, AZ, and that’s hot for HERE. But that’s in CANADA, the Great White North. To make matters worse, and even more tragically incredible, a number of forest fires started, and ended up basically incinerating the little town of Lytton. The video is just surreal. My heart goes out to those people, and the animals, nature. So, so sad.

And if THAT wasn’t enough, there was the “lightning siege” from the storm clouds created from the smoke from the fires, the pipeline fire in the Gulf of Mexico – the ocean on fire – and then, an X-class flare from the sun. It was like Spirit/Mother Nature/The Universe/Divine Presence is telling us, “time is up – here comes the pain.”

As those thoughts ran through my mind, I could feel a cloud of darkness descending on me. It was like I was in the middle of forest fire myself, in my mind, and the clouds of fear and destruction were starting to smother me. It’s always hard to describe something like this, but I truly felt some fear, and a lot of anxiety as the light got fainter and fainter, and I was enveloped by the blackness. It makes me think that must be similar to what it’s like to lose consciousness before dying – the last embers of the light of awareness dimming.

And to be sure, I had always told myself that I wasn’t afraid to die. I have been deeply spiritual for most of my life, and truly believe (at least I think, or thought, or hope) that physical death is not the end – that our spirits live on. I know one day I will pass from this plane of existence, and I have made peace with the Divine Presence, I am ok with my life. So I thought I was ok to face death. But here, in this dark space I was experiencing, it was something different. Because I wasn’t just thinking about my death – I was thinking about Death with a capital D – like the death of everybody, all life on the planet, my kids not having a future, my grandkids. And I was NOT ready for that. And as much as I thought I was ready to face my own end, I realized that I was not – at least not on those terms. I didn’t- I don’t – want to die, especially not in such a hellish end as was suffocating me. And then, as I felt the darkness completely envelop me, and all hope slip away, a word FLASHED into my mind, out of nowhere, in capital letters. And the second it did, light came rushing in, the darkness receded, the light grew stronger and stronger, and I knew I was ‘saved.’ And what was that word?


Yes – SELFISHNESS. Not ‘Love,’ or ‘Truth,’ or ‘Abracadabra,’ or ‘Om,’ or some other sacred or power word; no, it was selfishness. And there was no doubt – that word banished the darkness like nobody’s business! And it wasn’t like some kind of violent thing or battle, it was just a burst of light that filled the darkness, and grew brighter and brighter, until there was no darkness.

Of course it wasn’t long before my conscious mind latched onto the situation, and was like, “What the..?! Selfishness? Really???” I was really confused, I just didn’t understand how a word like that, a word with negative connotations could have power like that. And I have to say here, that of all things I cannot STAND to be called, selfish is one of the biggest. I can’t stand selfish people, and the term itself to me is one of the worst things a person can be called. So that alone is proof that word did NOT come from me – that is NOT the word I would have used, and I just did not understand it.

So I lay there, pondering it, hoping to get some insight. Slowly, it started to come to me, that I was very selfish, with my life, in that I viewed it – like, my literal life, the life force that causes me to draw breath and live – as mine, and I didn’t want to lose it, to have it taken away from me, by God/Source/Universe, or anyone or anything else. I thought I was ok dying, and maybe 40 years from now, on a piece of land up in the mountains, all relaxed with my kids and grandkids at my side – yeah, maybe. But here, in this time, in some kind of apocalyptic climate crisis, one that could very well push the human species to extinction, and rob my kids and grandkids, and my friends’ kids and grandkids of their futures – no, I wasn’t ready for this. This life – our lives – were OURS, and I was clinging tighter to it than I ever imagined.

Still, this didn’t sit real well with me, but I realized it was true. I have been thinking about it more since it happened, and the more I do, the more it makes sense – the more I see how it ties in with the teachings of the great spiritual masters. The Buddha taught about overcoming attachment – how it alone was the cause of all suffering. And what greater attachment could one have than to their own life? Oh sure, I like to think I am ok with whatever happens, but if truly honest with myself, I still struggle with that – and just might always. I’ve also been thinking back to that verse in the Bible, “Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” In some translations, it says “whoever clings to his life.” Wow… I am starting to see what all that stuff was really about – it was far more literal than I ever imagined. The Bible is so often, in fact mostly, allegorical. But this – this is pretty straightforward.

I guess the reason that word banished the darkness then was because it reminded me that life, even the one I am enjoying as this consciousness in this physical vehicle, is not mine. And I need to stop fooling myself into THINKING that I understand that and am good with it, and really work on BELIEVING that, in my innermost self. I need to make peace with that fact, and let go of the selfishness of thinking that it’s mine. And I need to let go of my thoughts, hopes and dreams about the way everything should go. Because honestly, they are selfish too. I don’t want to see all that destruction, the pain, the suffering, the loss of life and beauty. But again, I don’t want to see it because it causes me pain, and sadness, grief. Of course I care about the lives and livelihoods of other living things – I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. Love of all life is a huge part of who I am, and I will never lose that. But it has to be balanced with acceptance – with letting go of attachment – attachment to how things should go for everyone and everything else.

And so this, THIS is the real cross to bear then, isn’t it? Knowing that our freedom is in letting go of attachment to life – to our life, to all life – all while carrying deep love for all of life, feeling the pain of what could have been, and knowing that it is not in our power, or even in the best interest of those suffering necessarily on a spiritual level, to stop it. Now I saw a post the other day, something about a person saying that people who had it rough in this life ‘deserved’ it based on their past karma, and I am NOT about that. It is not for me to say. And I’m not saying that if people are suffering, I am just going to let them suffer while thinking, “It’s God’s will, I shouldn’t do anything.” Hell no! I don’t operate like that. I help people, and believe EVERYONE is worth saving. The acceptance I am speaking about is the acceptance that, as much as I want to save everyone and everything – and I SO do, I just love this planet, it’s people, it’s wildlife, ugh – I cannot. Buddha couldn’t do it, Christ couldn’t do it, Gandhi couldn’t do it, MLK couldn’t do it – I can’t do it. And that is a bitter pill to swallow. It is acceptance in its highest form.

So what does that mean practically speaking? How can I implement that wisdom in my life to improve myself spiritually? That’s what I’m working on now. I thought I had already been down this path, learned the lessons, and moved onward up the mountain. But now I find myself at a very similar vista, realizing there is more to learn on this lesson of acceptance. I am reminded of the old Zen saying: “Before enlightenment – chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment – chop wood, carry water.” It’s like there are core spiritual concepts, and numerous levels to each of those concepts that we must pass through on the Path to Truth. Acceptance – it seems to be one of those “Holy Grail” type ones on my journey. The more of it I have, the more peace and serenity I experience, and the more the Light of Spirit can shine in my life.


Did I get it right, I wonder – my insights about it? Maybe it was saying that selfishness was the cause of all the darkness, and in recognizing that, the darkness was washed away. Or maybe it was more literal, and saying that I was being selfish in my own life, and in realizing that, and awakening to selflessness, the light burst forth. I’m sure this is one of those things I will ponder and meditate on for some time to come. But in this time of uncertainty and (as much as I would like to deny it) fear, it is comforting for me to remember that life isn’t really mine anyway. It’s like a rental – at some point, I’m going to have to return it. Rather than dread that day, or try to just keep it and go neurotic trying to avoid them taking it back, I can accept the situation, make the most of each moment I do have with it, and try to bring some love, kindness, and compassion to other people and living things. I can appreciate the fact that I get to borrow it for a while, and make the very most of the time, hoping to have as few regrets as possible when it comes time to turn it in. And who knows – maybe if I took good enough care of it, and did enough good stuff, I will get an even better rental next time, maybe even an ‘upgrade’ 😉

Before I Continue – Special Request

I realized today while pondering writing what I had planned to be Part II of this – I’m not sure that it’s really worth it, if I am writing it only for myself to read. I mean, I already know the stuff lol.

So I thought I would put this request out there. If you are reading this, and are interested to read a Part II to this, please leave a comment below, or click on the “Contact” page and send me a message. Even if there is only one other person reading, it will be worth it to me to write. If not, then I can let it go and write about other stuff. Also, lack of response might indicate that you enjoy reading some of my stuff, but aren’t really interested in hearing me drone on with my theories about what’s really going on, and wouldn’t blame you! Lol.

Either way, you know what to do – or not do : )

What’s Really Going On


I have been thinking about writing something like this for some time now, had always hoped to write an actual book, but I honestly didn’t think it would be about what I am going to write about now. I had always hoped to write some book about the spiritual path – about my experiences, and how things were moving towards some great enlightenment (for some people anyway); about the return of the Christ impulse, as well as all the other great Messianic archetypes; about how UAP, AI, quantum physics, and other advancing fields play into that enlightenment or awakening; about how we were the luckiest people since the dawn of humanity, because we would get to actually SEE that happen. And to be clear, I do still think all of that, and part of this will be about that. But there’s another side of the story – one that is becoming painfully, blatantly, and undeniably clear: we are in some very deep shit on this planet. I try to keep explicatives out of my speech and writing, because I think they are intellectually lazy, and there are more eloquent and less offensive ways to convey meaning that are child safe. But in this case, given the gravity of the situation, I just don’t think anything else quite captures the gravity and depth of concern I have

And I should offer a forewarning here – this is going to get pretty dark before the light. This is probably going to be like a dark night of the soul that is imposed on you, if you haven’t already reached some of these conclusions yourself. I’m not going to offer arguments for my assertions, so if you don’t believe in human-caused climate change, then you probably want to duck out now, because that is a large part of the first part of this. I will include some links to information from other sources, but again – I am not going to defend them or the content of what they say. I am a mystic, but I also believe very strongly in science, and the science is, has been, clear. If you don’t believe so – don’t let the digital door hit you on the way out.

Part 1 – A Current Assessment

Ok, now that I have that out of the way – I have to make an admission here and tell on myself. I have believed for a very long time, since I was a child actually, that I would live to see the apocalypse, the end of days, the second coming, whatever I thought it would be when I was a kid. I was raised in a Roman Catholic family, so those are the terms I was taught then, but the point remains – I thought I would live to see prophecy fulfilled. And for a while, it really scared the crap out of me, because I was never baptized, and in the Roman Catholic tradition, because of the teaching of original sin, I was going to straight to hell – do not pass go, do not collect $200 – and there was absolutely nothing I could do, no amount of Hail Mary’s I could say, to change that. That’s a whole story in itself, so I’m not going to get too deep into it. But suffice it to say, for whatever reason, I really believed I would get to see that horrible/wonderful event in my lifetime.

My spiritual path took a number of twists and turns, thank GOD, and suffice it to say, I no longer believe in that psychopathic, condemning, child judging god. My spirituality is based on all KINDS of different teachings and beliefs (see my post on the Religion Smorgasbord). But one thing I do still believe in, and surprisingly enough to me and many I think, is the prophecy about some kind of “end of days,” some return of a Messianic figure, some karmic reckoning for the human race. Again, I have a post out there about several different prophecies (Return of the Gods?) from Buddhist, Hopi, Jewish, and other traditions. Turns out it wasn’t just the Christian savior who was prophesied to return – there was a whole pantheon. In fact, I would suggest that MOST spiritual traditions have some concept of the end of the world coinciding with the return of – well, something, or someone, or a group of someones. And about that end of the world part –

Another disclaimer here first: I have been somewhat notorious for crying wolf for a big portion of my life. There have been many times when I thought the end was literally upon us – nuclear Armageddon in 80’s, Shoemaker-Levy 9 in ’94 (I thought it would miss Jupiter and hit earth lol), May 5th 2000 planetary alignment, December 21, 2012, and a lot of wars and conflicts and CMEs and solar flares in between that provided apoca-fodder. And of course the recent years, with covid and climate change are rife with doomy feelings.

But this last 2 weeks has been truly extraordinary, and honestly scared me. And I don’t say that lightly. I am not a person to live in fear. I have great faith, and I know ultimately, that which I am can never be threatened or destroyed. But I have kids, and grandkids, and like to think that they can know there will be a world that they can survive in when they are my age. Events of the last 2 weeks have been so astonishing, so over the top, and so truly apocalyptic, that I honestly fear for their future – and for their mental outlook. It has to be scary, utterly terrifying, to see what’s happening and wonder what the world will look like in 10 years, heck 5 years, let alone 20 or 40. So what was it that was so utterly terrifying, so jarring, as to make me think this?

To be sure, the heatwave experienced in the Pacific Northwest and Canada has been absolutely mind-blowing. I live in Phoenix, Arizona, and know all about heat. And I can say honestly that I can handle 115, 116 no sweat (bud pun, trying to inject a little lightness anyway). But 120F? 120 is hot. Anything over that is just brutal. So when I heard that it hit 121F, in Canada – CANADA, the “great white north” – where the normal high temp this time of year would be in the mid-70’s, it really shook me. And not just Canada, but Portland, OR hitting 116F, and records shattered all through the Pacific Northwest – temperatures even higher than we had down here in the Southwestern Desert. I keep using the word astonishing – just can’t think of a better one.

And it’s not just in the US and Canada. Europe and Russia are being broiled as well.

So it’s not just a US thing. I know I am often guilty of viewing things through a bit of a myopic lens, like what’s happening here in the US is apocalyptic. But to be truly apocalyptic in the greater spiritual sense, it really needs to impact the whole world. And this is – the climate changes are happening everywhere, rapidly and intensely. I’m not going to list articles from all over the globe, but easily could. All that is troubling for sure.

Then yesterday, I saw this:

This is the very town where it was 121F just a few days ago – now, it has been incinerated, literally burnt to the ground.

And then, the thing that really did it for me – that just SCREAMED at me, shook me to my core.

This is an area that experienced record shattering high temperatures, now burning with wildfires so intense that they are creating their own weather, which is spawning hundreds of thousands (yes, 100’s of THOUSANDS) of lightning strikes, which are then igniting more fires. If that isn’t terrifying, and the very embodiment of “apocalyptic,” I truly don’t know what is. My heart goes out to all the people, all the wildlife, all the plants, trees, etc up there. It is beyond sad, beyond tragic – it’s just horrible. And this isn’t some isolated event. All of western North America is in a severe drought – a giant tinderbox, ready to burn. Ugh.

Probably good to take a break here and remember – I said this was going to get pretty dark. But the thing is, it’s reality. It’s what is happening right now. It’s fact, truth. There is no denying, debunking or dismissing it. This is what is happening now. And regardless as to what someone believes about the cause, we are in it, and it is going to accelerate. But there IS a bright side to all this. I know, you’re probably thinking, “How in the hell could there be?” But there is, I promise, and we will get to that. But not before we grasp the full gravity of the situation we are in, and how we got here.

This is a great video that does just that, regarding the climate. Again, very sobering – but truth.

Turns out, the Christians were right – there really is, there has been for a long time, an “antichrist” driving us towards this destruction. But we have all been deceived, just as was foretold. I will explain more about that in my next post.

I don’t like to leave things on a down note, so here is a little prayer I wrote a while back. May it bring you some peace until my next post 🙂

There is a Power greater than all other powers.
There is a Force that cannot be stopped by any barrier or obstacle.
There is an Energy above all energies that interconnects and gives meaning to all that is.
That Power, that Force, that Energy is the unceasing Love of God and the forgiveness, mercy and compassion that flow forth from it into the hearts, minds, bodies and spirits of all things.
Let us all embrace this Power, this Force, this Energy.
Let it flow through us and become us as we relinquish our egos and their petty grievances and resentments.
Let us once again claim our Oneness and recognize the God in each other and in ourselves and reunify that we may, as One, be the perfect expression of God’s Love that we all desire to be in our deepest hopes and dreams.
Let it be so – now, and for always.

Until next time…