So yesterday, I finally did my first Tarot reading with my new deck and was not disappointed. I asked the question which direction I should go, what I should focus on to progress along my spiritual path. Here is what the cards said:

I’m re-learning how to read the cards again, but what I basically get from it so far is that I am afraid of radical change, and cling to thoughts of the way things are or are “supposed” to be. I want achieve my dreams, but don’t want, or am afraid to put the work in to do it. Also, it seems like the opporunity, actually the forces for radical change are already in motion, but I am unfocused, going in too many directions. If I can focus on what’s true to me in my heart, and not just my mind, the realization of my dreams is within reach.

It was a powerful reading, and DEFINITELY spoke to me. I realized that I have been spending so much of my focus on trying to create a blog that was popular, the whole “Magick meme” thing, and also trying to possibly create a spiritual order, and also joining one, and looking for another one, and trying to figure out how to write my book, and – you can where I’m going here. I need to focus in on the one thing that is most important to me in my heart, and believe in myself and my abilities, as well as the direction and guidance of The Spirit, and do what it is I am called to do, whether or not I think it will lead to the “success” I seek. Of course, I could have it all wrong, as I am new (again) to reading, so we’ll see if this interpretation holds up! lol.

But I awoke early this morning, and a rush of thought was running through my mind. I am going to step away from the whole “magickmeme” thing for a while. I got all excited about what I read in “Dark Star Rising,” and created something based on it, rather than just take the information for information’s sake. I convinced myself it was a great idea, but got some messages from the Universe that wasn’t necessarily the case (lack of success of blog, questions from Emilee about the name, etc) so I am letting it go. That was ( insert author’s name here) idea.

I’m not going to pursue joining another order either. I say “another” because I signed up to join the AMORC for a month, but am going to let that expire. I sent an email to another supposedly “Secret” group, haven’t heard back from the, but am not going to pursue that either. Thing is, whatever those groups have or know or are teaching obviously isn’t super successful based on the lack of membership, popularity and concrete results, so why pursue membership in them?

I am going to move forward with creating a New Order for a New Age, just like I said in another post. I have been stuck in self-defeating talk, about how everything has already been done, what’s the point, blah blah blah – but the fact is, it hasn’t been done, or at least not in a noticeable way. I want to create whole new thing based on new scientific discoveries, and free from all of the baggage of all the old esoteric orders and New Age stuff (well, not all of it, but most of it) – one that focuses on NOW, and what is actually possible given what we are learning about the nature of reality, matter, consciousness, information, etc. I’m not entirely sure how to do it, or what it will look like, but I have pretty good idea about the overall structure of what the teachings might be. And I even have a name and – I know, here we go again! Lol – purchased a domain based on the name of the order, which came to me this morning and really resonated with me: The Order of Unifying Truth – domain name is orderofunifyingtruth.com – imagine that! Lol

I like it because it has a double-meaning too, like seemingly most good things like that do: unifying truth, where unifying is an adjective describing the kind of Truth the order is concerned with, and unifying truth where unifying is a verb describing the actions of the order, which are to unify all the different strands of Truth. How cool is that? Pretty cool I think.

I made a contact named Alan McDonald I think it is who is an artist from down under and specializes in quantum comics and art. I am going to reach out to him with information about my idea and see what he thinks – being careful, based on the Tarot reading – to not let him try to dissuade or persuade me too much. And honestly, I feel re-energized. I was starting to lose faith a bit, but, thanks to a good Tarot reading, feel like I have the clarity I needed to move forward.

Oh, and I picked up a really nice little clear quartz natural crystal point at Black Market Minerals yesterday too. Something told me I needed one, and I am listening to Something more and more these days. Infinite Gratitude to the Eternal Spirit and all that is… Amen!

I’m not quite sure why, but I have been really hung up on trying to figure out the name of a new order lately. I mean, I’ve spent a lot of time mulling over numerous different ideas for the name of a group that I’m not sure I will ever actually start, and don’t know that anyone would actually want to join. Which begs the question – why does it matter so much? Why is it so important that I figure out what to call this thing that could exist as nothing more than an idea in my mind? I honestly don’t know. I’ve tried to figure it out myself because honestly, it’s a bit annoying. There are times I would/could be thinking about something else, but my mind just won’t let it go.

Here is a list of ideas that I have been kicking around, starting with what I was using most recently:

• The Order of Synchronistic Magick (OSM)
• The Order of the Eternal Quantum Mind (OEQM)
• The Order of Eternal Light (OEL)
• (I know there have a been others, just can’t think of them right now lol)

I’m not sure why, but the abbreviation seems to be important too. Again, don’t know why.

Part of me, the optimistic part, thinks that perhaps, because there is power in words, coming up with the name is part of some “birthing” process, and that all will proceed from it: if the name is correct, what it’s meant to be, then whatever it is that is created will take on a life of its own, and manifest whatever is supposed to manifest.

The other part of me, the more pessimistic and skeptical part says this is just another whacky pipe dream, and my mind is being silly, focusing so much on the name of something that is inconsequential to anything or anyone but the workings of my mind. Any other stories I tell myself about some kind of ‘manifestation’ type stuff, or being guided or whatever are just to comfort myself and avoid feeling silly or foolish.

So which is it? Given the fact that I had similar feelings about creating this blog, and it turned out to be a bit of a nothing burger (at least as far as really taking off publicly lol), I tend to think, as much as I don’t like or want to admit it, the second scenario is more likely to be true. Of course there is the part of me that believes in the power of mind and belief, and tells myself that if that’s what I think, then that’s what will be. So I try to tell myself that maybe there is something to it – but is there?

I’m meeting a friend for lunch today, someone who is into metaphysics too, so it will be nice to talk some of this over with here. She has been very supportive of my idea to write a book, and she has a very positive energy. I’m planning on discussing some of this with her. I am also planning to finally do an actual Tarot reading today. I received the second book I had been waiting for, and now have all of the pieces I felt were necessary to have before I could do a reading (another case of following some inner guide – not sure why I felt I needed all of these things ): a Rider-Waite deck, the purple book I used to like so much, the red one, and a special cloth to lay the cards on. I’m planning to do a reading on this very subject, and a bit leery of what the cards might say :-O

It’s kind of funny – I just thought about how I have prayed for so long since getting sober for the whole mystical, Coin-incidental, magickal, guru type stuff to reappear in my life because I missed it so much. Now, I am experiencing that part of it that entails being “led” by some mysterious force, compulsion, drive, etc within myself that seems to be moving towards something and just dragging me along, and it’s honestly pretty wild. At times, I feel almost like I am tweaking again because of the impulsive nature of it, but I know I am not – I am completely sober. And while I like the feeling that there is something greater than I working in my life, and I love the feeling of being “in the flow,” I am concerned that nothing more than just the chase will come of it once again – the fact that I am sober won’t change the outcome.

But then was the outcome really so bad? No, I didn’t start any great spiritual movement or mystical order; I didn’t get a book published and become some famous guru; I didn’t meet people from some secret order to find out I was a bloodline descendant of Christ. None of that happened. But I did learn so much about things I might never have learned of had I not taken that path. I did experience some things that were truly breathtaking and wondrous, and I still have those experiences to look back on to remind me that magick does happen. And I am getting the opportunity to go through some of it again, with the knowledge of the outcome of past choices, and the chance to do things differently.

So maybe there is something more to this. Time will tell. I’m giving myself to it and giving it a chance, because – well, because that’s who I am.

At least I think it is. I think WordPress is rigged, such that directly after purchasing an upgrade of some kind, a number of people seem to somehow be directed to your site, such that some end up ‘like’ing it and some actually follow it. Which in turn gives a sense of hope and optimism that “Hey, this thing is really catching on! Glad I upgraded!” At least that was the case with me.

But now, a few weeks later, it seems as though this blog has fallen completely off the radar. I freely admit that my posts haven’t been the best. And I certainly wouldn’t expect everyone to come by to read a bunch of drivel, But even the number of page views are down – way down. I would think that if legitimate, interested people had followed it, they would at least pop by when there was a new post to see whether it sucked or not lol.

Why does it matter? I guess it really doesn’t, other than the fact that I probably could have just saved my money and kept it private if I had known that it was going to languish still. I think their algorithms push new blogs to the top of whatever “suggested post” notifications they have, and that pushing probably diminishes over time, such that after a month or so, a blog sinks back into obscurity – at least as far as their algorithms go.

And to be honest, I could see why. With people constantly creating new content, they want the newbies to get some exposure, want to let people know about them, and if the stuff is good, it will naturally take off. So perhaps the system isn’t as sinister as I would believe – darn it anyway!

Here I thought I could blame my lack of success on some WordPress conspiracy to dupe me out of my cash. Turns out it’s more simple than that : write compelling content that people want to read, and they will read it. Write what you want, and, well – roll the dice.

Truly awesome stuff here – the first ever picture of a black hole:

https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-47873592

And I’m wearing my black hole pendant today – pretty cool! Especially considering the fact that I had totally forgotten about the reveal being today.

Yep, I definitely have a case of them lol. Not in a manner such that I am in a bad mood or anything. More like, I REALLY don’t feel like working and am having an extremely hard time getting motivated to do anything close to work. So, in an effort to kickstart some kind of activity, I figured I’d write a little something, so as to not be a complete vegetable. And speaking of writing –

Why is that every time I read something I wrote a while ago, I find myself thinking, “wow, I used to be such a good writer! What happened?” In this case, I read something I posted on Quora back in 2015, an answer to a question someone had about what to do if you are experiencing an existential crisis, and the answer I wrote was fantastic! Honestly, I don’t that I could even put together such phrasing and vocabulary today. It’s almost like I read it and think, “who wrote that..?” I wonder if other writers experience this same thing? And it’s not something new – it’s been happening for years. Which I guess means that I must maintain some kind of writing skill, otherwise at some point, when looking back, I would think “oh, yep – there’s where I started losing it..” lol.

I suppose it all boils down to whether I’m writing to simply stay busy, like in this post, or I’m writing because I’m truly inspired, as in the answer on Quora. And I would suppose that posts like this are good, even if just to “keep the wheels greased,” to stay in practice, so that when I do get struck with inspiration, I’m ‘in shape’ if you will.

And it definitely happens in spurts. I was all gung ho about blogging a month or two ago. I was on fire, thinking this was it – this was the time that everything was going to come together; my blog was going to be successful and well known; I was going to attract hundreds, maybe thousands of followers; I was going to get enough readership that I could retire from my normal day job and write full time. I had an clever, catchy name, my own domain, some good marketing strategies figured out, and I was going to blog like crazy – post every day, or at the very least every other day. I was truly energized and motivated. And I did post daily for a while. And I did get a couple of followers. But the fire started to abate a bit, as did the likes and follows, and…. you get the idea.

But all is not lost – not at all. I still own the domain name, and I still think it’s a good one. I believe that someday, it might still catch on. I’m still writing, albeit mainly for myself, but that’s ok too. I want to write for the enjoyment, not for profitability or popularity. And I’ve discovered a group that appeals to me very much, and I am becoming an active member in it – seeking to become a member of something instead of trying to start my own thing. And that feels really good. And more than anything, what’s most important to me is my continued spiritual development. This blog is a part of that, and its true value to me is to serve as a place to share my thoughts, even if just with myself, to give them a life outside of just my head, so I can release them as it were.

Oh, and of course, I want to record for posterity all of the cool advancements in quantum physics, AI, CRISPR, etc, so I can have a repository of information on scientific advances that I believe will contribute to the dawning of something truly new in the development and evolution of humanity – biological and otherwise. Can’t forget that! Oh, and magick – I definitely want to record any magickal, mystical, or otherwise coin-incidental experiences so I can look back on them whenever I’m in doubt and remind myself that magick is real, that life is a mystery, and that coin-incidences still happen. May the Divine Mystery that so inspires continue to reveal itself to me and all who seek that we may grow closer to it and to our true selves.

So just now, I was trying to do something on my Chromebook, and for whatever reason, had highlighted the address bar and a string of 9’s got typed into it. So just for fun, I hit “Enter” to see what would come up. One of the first entries was for a Canadian country song from 1976 named “9,999,999 Tears.” Ok. No seeming connection to anything there.

Then I read the Wikipedia post about it to discover that it was a single on an album titled “Angels, Roses and Rain.” Well now… given the happenings of the last few days, THAT is very interesting indeed, is it not?

I love when stuff like that happens!

So I recently discovered – or I should say re-discovered – a group/organization that sounds like something I myself would have created. I’m not quite sure what the confidentiality expectations are, so I’m not going to say what the group is. I can say that it is not the Freemasons.

Reading through the teachings and beliefs, I was struck by how much I related to them. It’s a group I learned about a long time ago, but I guess I never really looked too deeply into them. But for some reason – can’t quite remember how or why..? – I decided to investigate them more over the last week or so, even looking for mentions of them in my “go to” tome for that kind of stuff, “The Templar Tradition.” And lo and behold, there is an entire chapter devoted to them, and Gaetan states explicitly that the Templars recognized them as legitimate heirs of the primordial tradition.

I was starting to get a little skeptical, thinking I already “knew it all,” and was considering not joining because of that. I even sent an email to the order asking about that, and received a nice reply stating that the teachings would give me a deeper understanding of the concepts I have learned about over the last 30 years. It helped me to realize just how arrogant and egotistical I have been regarding this stuff – to think that I am the only person who has ever thought about this stuff… to think that over all the previous centuries, no one had ever thought to start an order focused on the things I think are important… to think I have really learned all there is to learn about that stuff. How horrible would that be? It would be terrible indeed.

So I saw the folly of my ways and decided to join the order. I received and started my first lessons yesterday, and really like what I have seen so far. Indeed, some of it is stuff that I have already learned or experienced, but there is no such thing as too much practice, and there have been some cool little nuggets of wisdom in there that I have appreciated. I am honestly blown away by how familiar it feels and just how closely it aligns with my own core beliefs. So instead of trying to start my own order, I am going to join an order that has been around for centuries, be humble, and learn all I can.

Instead of being jealous, or sad that I’m not the one who started it (seriously, how horrible does that sound? Yuck!) I’m grateful that I’m NOT the only one to think of starting something like this, and there is already a course of study and group of people that I can connect with. In fact, I just now got off the phone – someone from the member services offices called me directly to answer a question I emailed. Pretty cool… So yeah, instead of being stuck in self-pity today, I am opening myself up to new opportunities, getting back to some humility, getting back to being teachable, and embarking on a new quest. Exciting stuff! Thank you God 🙂

Well, once again the cold, harsh reality that blogging will probably never be anything more than just a little hobby I do for myself is starting to set it. For the last 8 years or so, I have started blog after blog, excited about the possibility of it becoming even a little popular, only to realize that’s not going to happen. And to be certain, I don’t mean this entirely in a self-pity, poor me way (though honestly I do feel that way sometimes – bleh heh! Lol). I know that I don’t do as much as a person really needs to do to promote it. I mean, I have been posting links on Facebook a lot, but sadly enough, almost no one – not even my family! Lol – actually click on them to check it out.

Of course there’s a lot of stuff going against this site ever being popular too. For one, the name is probably very misleading to a lot of people. If older, they might think “I don’t want to see some silly memes.” They might also be turned off by the magick part of it. Those seeking awesome occult information in the vein of Aleister Crowley who come here might be disappointed to find out it isn’t all about that. There is some of that, but there’s a lot of other stuff too. And people who are into science probably think the site title points to the fact that this site is run by some silly magic-believing New Age weirdo who doesn’t know the first thing about science. So in retrospect, I probably should have chosen something a little different. But I think it has a ring to it, and according to the definitions I posted on one of my earliest posts, the title IS accurate:

Magick:  the Science and Art of causing Change to occur in conformity with Will 

Meme:  an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation.

“Blogging with a conscious intent to bring about a change in people’s thinking and behavior – that’s Magickmeme.”

I thought it was clever, and might draw people in. And honestly, there aren’t a lot of affordable, decent domain names left these days. It was cheap!

And I’m sure there are hundreds, if not thousands of other people out there blogging, hoping to get “discovered” and gain enough followers to really do something. And I’m sure many of those are much better than mine. But of course there are the Kardashians, the guy who got famous for pouring champagne on half or fully naked women, and a gaggle of other people who got rich and famous posting things that weren’t necessarily Peabody material either lol.

I have put more into it this time than ever before. I did purchase a custom domain, as questionable as the name might be lol. I have been trying to post almost every day. I have been adding images to make the posts more visually appealing. I have been posting links and trying to promote them on Facebook. I’m not really sure what else to do at this point – other than keep writing, and say “screw it.”

I am fortunate enough to have a career that allows me to have a nice life, so it’s not like I NEED this blog to become some cash cow. I am not interested in “selling out,” or putting a bunch of advertising up to bring in income. And I want to enjoy writing – not do it because I feel I need to. You know, I think I may have posted a post like this already, and if so, this is repetitive. But so be it – I must need to hear it again.

I’m going to stop trying so hard and just write again. I’m not going to post on Facebook anymore, only to have not one person come over from there. I’m not going to post as if others are reading this, not going to add images to make it more visually appealing – except when I want to. And most importantly, I am going to commit to my innermost self not to get caught up in false hope again. Perhaps someday, I will have the time and resources to write the book I want to write, and maybe I will even be able to self publish or something. But for now, it’s back to journaling here and recording things I want to remember and to be able to access across different devices.

To those who have made it in the blogging world, I say kudos to you and congrats, because I’m sure it takes a lot of work – work that I honestly am not willing or able to put in at this time. A very wise sage once said (pretty sure I’ve already posted this too lol) : “You gotta’ know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em.” I’m out on this hand! Lol

PS – and I’m turning off “like” and “comment” notifications too. They have become like an addiction, and I feel icky when I post and don’t get any at all. Don’t need that in my life, so yeahhh… Notifications = off.