Tom Petty was right –

The waiting really is the hardest part. Especially when you don’t know exactly what you’re waiting for, or if you should be waiting at all. That’s pretty much the situation I find myself in right now. I feel as though I am waiting for “something” – some kind of sign or guidance to help me figure out what to do next with all of this. I did finally get a response back from one of the communication attempts I made – a response to a post I made on Gary Lachman’s personal site, asking about “The Templar Tradition” book, if he had ever heard of or read it. He said he hadn’t, and asked if it was related to the mass suicides/murders that happened with the order the book mentions, The International Order of Chivalry Solar Tradition. I replied that I wasn’t sure, but that the content of the book didn’t seem to match with that kind of behavior, and asked if he would be up to corresponding a bit more via email about it. I have yet to hear back from him – but then that was just yesterday, so…

In any case, I’ve determined to pay more attention to the song lyrics I sing, as I referenced a bit in my last post, and am really working on monitoring what I tell myself. It strikes me just how many negative messages we tell ourselves, most completely unconsciously or unknowingly, under the guise of “entertainment.” Thinking about the first 3 songs on my Amazon playlist, all of them have some negative affirmations. I’ve actually thought about starting some kind of service that takes popular songs and re-records them with the verbiage changed to positive self-talk phrases. It probably sounds a little kooky, but the fact is, I believe words have power, and we don’t take that power nearly seriously enough.

I have been on the other side too, where I believed that through positive affirmations all by themselves basically, I could achieve all kinds of awesome stuff. And my experience showed that was not the case – at least not in my experience. One could argue that maybe I didn’t believe the words enough, or I wasn’t saying the right ones, or wasn’t doing it correctly – any number of reasons why it didn’t work that don’t necessarily indicate that IT doesn’t work. But I believe that for certain things to happen, they have to fit in with the current “flow” of life and the universe. And if they don’t, well, no amount of positive affirmations is going to make them happen – at least not if they are ones that involve other people.

But here, we are talking about personal affirmations that can affect the way I think about myself: “I don’t believe in fate, no psychic vision,” “I keep on moving backwards, keep on losing faith,” “the less I know the better” – all of these could just sound like harmless lyrics. But, other than than the first one , which is honestly more personal that anything, these statements are not positive, and are not ones I would make to myself if I was hoping to gain greater faith and hope, hoping to gain more knowledge and wisdom and progress spiritually. No, these are all messages that would seem to indicate a desire to do just the opposite – and therefore, they are things I wouldn’t want to say to myself.

So I am working hard to overcome my own negative thinking. Something I have been saying to myself a lot lately is “I don’t know what to do.” Well, it stands to reason that if somewhere in my subconscious, a part of me did know what to do, but I kept telling myself that, I could convince that part of myself that I did NOT know what to do, and fulfill the self-fulfilling prophecy. So I am changing it to “I’m not yet certain what I should do,” to put out the fact that I could possibly know, and the ‘yet’ to frame it as I might very well know in the future exactly what to do. So it is not being dishonest with myself, and it is also not cementing some negative belief. I am trying to scrutinize all of my self talk in this way, hoping to have a better chance at manifesting some dreams.

On a bit of a side note – I found out about this guy named Kevin Quantum today, and I must say I am pretty jelly… Seems he is living the life I might dream for myself. He supposedly started out as a scientist, a physicist, and now works as an actual magician who incorporates comedy and physics into his routine. Seriously Universe? Why you gotta’ be like dat? I could have gone my whole life without knowing about this alter ego. But no. I have to find out about this guy who is basically everything I aspire to be – at least outwardly, in title and career. And it doesn’t help that I have already been thinking that pretty much everything I think and believe has already been put out in books and other media by different people – so what is the point really? Seems as though there is really nothing unique for me to add, and with guys like him walking around – well, it seems like quantum kev has already manifested – in someone else.

So maybe I just enjoy the life I have, be super grateful for it, and be happy for Kevin Quantum, Greg and others who are living my dream. Because in many senses, I am living my dream too. I have the awesome partner, great kids, stable job, nice home, good friends – lots and lots of good stuff. I would like add a career as a writer or something to all of that too. But if I had to give up anything I have now for that, I would not do it. I have what I always wanted most, and I know that if I really want to succeed as a writer or something else, I need to work at it – I can’t just expect some handout from the Universe. I am not owed anything, and it would be SO hypocritical to act as if I am.

I’ve been thinking about plunking down the $47 to try writers work and maybe giving that a go. At least then I could actually DO something to try to achieve my dream instead of just waiting for someone to plop it in my lap lol. I have a lot of doubt, fear, insecurity, etc to be sure. I know the fear of economic insecurity has not completely left me. But perhaps I can find a way to keep the job I have now and still write a little…? I guess I am scared I’m not as good a writer as I used to be too. Sometimes I read stuff from a while back and think, “wow, that was great! I don’t know if I could even write that now.” But as I shared last night at a meeting: it isn’t for people who need it, or who want it – it’s for people who DO it. I need to quit complaining and do it. Only then can I know for sure whether or not there is something there or not.

Modern Music and Militant Materialism

Talk about an alliteration, eh? I have been listening to my new favorite song, “Superposition” by Young the Giant, a lot lately, but having difficulty with a few of the lyrics – particularly the first lines:

“I don’t believe in fate, no psychic vision…”

Now I do love pretty much all of the other lines in the song, absolutely love all the quantum physics and cosmology terminology. But those first few lines get me, because I do believe in a form of fate, and I certainly would like to believe in psychic vision. I realized that a number of popular new songs out these days have patently negative messages. I was going to list a number of them, but they are so numerous, it seems almost pointless.

But for the sake of example, here are some lines from another song I really like right now:

“I keep on running backwards, I keep on losing faith
I thought I had the answers, I thought I knew the way ” from “Make it Up as I Go” by Mike Shinoda.

Now to be certain, one can’t expect everything to be all roses and smiles all the time. And it wouldn’t be honest art if it didn’t reference the tough times, the difficult feelings, the sadness and tears as well as the joy and laughter. But I believe words do have power, and I believe that the constant repeating of words or phrases can affect our minds, moods and attitudes (hey, that rhymed! Lol) I remember back in ’89-90 when I was living with Willie, he would catch me singing “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for,” and he would encourage me to changed the lyrics to “I still have IT found…” He was a huge proponent of positive thought and positive affirmation. And while I had kinda’ forgotten about it for a while, it’s coming to the forefront of my consciousness again now. I want to be more careful about what I tell myself.

Now it has me thinking, wondering, if there isn’t something bigger involved – (warning: possible whacky conspiracy stuff that may or not be true, but likely has some element of truth to it coming up) in the creation, dissemination and popularity of music with such messages. I’ve been reading a lot about magick, egregores, collective unconscious, etc lately, and it has brought back thoughts I used to have about “black mentalists” and those people in power who like to maintain control of the masses to maintain their power. And I honestly believe those people are compelled to do things by forces beyond their knowledge or understanding. Of course, they may just be completely ignorant or uncaring, or truly selfish and aware of what they are doing too. I guess I would hope it’s the former though, for their sake.

Whatever the case may be, I am being more careful about what I tell myself. I’m changing the lyrics in my head to “I believe in fate, in psychic vision,” and “I keep on moving forward, I keep on gaining faith, I know I know the answers, know I know the way.” If the mind is like a computer, which in many ways it is, one has to think that the programming we give it, which I believe words to be a major form of, has to have some kind of effect on it – especially when presented through a powerful medium such as music or spoken word. It’s not really so hard to program and control people because so many of us are completely unaware, uncaring, or unbelieving about how it all works. There is so much more to say about this, but concerning the title of this post – the trend in these tunes seems to be based on a similar theme: loss of faith, loss of belief – central tenets of hardcore materialism, the currently-ruling paradigm of our age.

But I and some others really hope to challenge and change that. I personally am strengthening my faith and gaining more hope by reading books by authors who share similar ideas and sentiments, and seeing posts on various sites by people from various disciplines who agree that the worship of materialism has gone too far, and we have lost something vital to being human – our faith, our belief, our imagination. I guess I’m hoping I get a chance to play my part in helping to spread the message of magick to counterbalance and even dismantle the militant materialism that is inundating our world.

Disillusioned – or just a case of the “Mondays”…?

I guess it is probably a bit of both. But for whatever reason, I seem to have fallen off the little pink cloud I have been riding lately. Strangely, I just now looked down and noticed that I’m not wearing any of my mala bead bracelets today, forgot to put them on this morning. I don’t necessarily think that could have anything to do with it – could it? I’m also wearing a different pendant, my rose quartz crystal, instead of the Abracadabra one I have been wearing. Again, not sure if that really has anything to do with it. But, they are some differences from my “normal state.”

On the way to work, I found myself questioning whether or not there is anything to all this stuff I am thinking, or if it’s just silliness. I thought back in the day that things were going somewhere, and figured that my excursion into addiction pretty much took them off the rail. I guess at some level I thought that if I hadn’t gotten so wrapped up in my addiction, I might actually have “made it” as a – well, I’m not sure what… guru? Spiritual leader? Author? Writer? Poet? Something. And perhaps I have been thinking that, with the return of some true synchronicity and magick, and me being sober now for some time, things might actually work out differently – I might actually make it to the next level, and achieve my dream.

But then what if it wasn’t the drugs that derailed the dream necessarily? What if it’s just not meant to be, not my true destiny? What if God’s will is that I am just the software developer I am? I mean, it is entirely possible. I thought of a cool analogy, using Michael Jordan – my favorite personality to reference for analogies. It’s rather like thinking that I want to be the next Michael Jordan, but in addition to training, I got caught up in drugs, so I was not able to achieve my dreams of making the NBA. If I happened to get sober years later, and started training again, chances are I would still not make the NBA – even though I had gotten sober. Could the situation with the writing be analogous to that? I mean, it could be.

And because I am not sure at this point, I have prayed for both assistance and direction. I’ve reached out to a few people about some information, and have yet to hear back. I have this blog out there, I have and have been flushing it out. But I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve been seeing these little advertisements for “Writers work” on Facebook – some freelance writing site that has me curious. Seems like a bit of work to get it started though. I say that like it’s a bad thing. Honestly, I’m afraid of trying it, spending money on it, then it not working out. Perhaps I need to get over that fear and look more closely into it. Everyone always tells me I’m a good writer. I guess I’m afraid of not making it.

Not sure what else to say… guess I will wait to see if the Universe has an (unambiguous) answer for me today.

CRISPR and the Coming of True Mutants

The title of this post probably sounds like something filled with hype, but considering this article, is it really? A scientist in China was revealed to have edited the genes of twins that were born last year using CRISPR technology to supposedly protect them from some kind of birth defect, and it is now being revealed that the same procedure may have led to superior mental abilities for the twins.

The article states that “The genetically-modified Chinese twins born resistant to HIV last year may also have mental ‘superpowers’ their creator has kept quiet – a cognitive superiority that could kick off a genetic arms race, according to new research.” But when asked about the possibility of the deletion of the gene possibly leading to superior cognition and memory,
“the Chinese researcher insisted that wasn’t his intention. “’I am against using genome editing for enhancement,’ He told a genetics conference a week after the twins were born, though he admitted he was aware of research on the effects of CCR5-deactivation on the brain.”I trust him totally – I mean, why would he lie about that, right? Riiiiight. 

The point here is not whether he knew or not, whether it’s ethical or not – the point is that it is now actually possible to perform such procedures, and that it is actually being done. More accurately, the fact that it is being done has now been released to the public. I’m fairly certain though, as I’m sure others are, that this had been done long before the publication about the Chinese researcher. As I always say in my current career when asked if something is possible or not: given enough time and money, we can do pretty much anything. And there’s no doubt that there are plenty of people out there with enough money and influence to have tried this already. The fact that it made it to public release simply signals that it is happening on a more widespread basis.

I’m sure to some this may sound like “conspiracy nuttiness,” and perhaps it does. And I am the first to admit that I do lean towards conspiracy thinking on a number of issues. But I should clarify only on the ones that are scientifically possible or plausible (no flat earth, no reptilians, NO alt-right crap about races or anything), such as some of the ancient alien stuff, NWO, free energy being repressed (think Tesla – Nikola, not Elon), etc. But we know that certain technologies like GPS were known of and used by the government and the military long before they were released for public use. And in today’s world, where money is king, even above governmental power, there’s little reason to believe that a person with significant capital couldn’t procure the services and technology of another scientist in possibly the same or another country.

What does this mean for all of us? Well, the way I see it, it means that the stratification between the wealthy and the poor or middle class will only get more pronounced – that is, if nothing else fundamentally changes. But the whole point of this blog, of my other site (, of my whole like really, is that something can, needs to, and WILL change fundamentally if only we believe it can and work to make it happen in alignment with the will of the Spirit. In other words, as I have been saying, it’s time for the rebirth of True Magick – the kind that can stand against the darkness that the love of money and wealth is spreading. There is much more to write on this, but suffice it to say that the OSM (Order of Synchronisitic Magick) is something that needs to happen sooner than later. I am putting the intention out to the Universe, putting out a call for help if you will, to aid me in getting this thing started off. I am humble enough to know I need help and to ask – I only hope my prayer will be answered. And if it could be soon, that would be great…. yyyeaahhh.

Magick in the Mind – Magick is REAL

If this doesn’t indicate that Magick is possible, and real…

The article talks about “.. a self-propagating ‘wireless’ communication they encountered that can jump across different sections of the brain.” When I read that and the rest of the article, my jaw dropped too. I mean, as I said above – if this doesn’t prove that Magick – the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity with will – isn’t real, I don’t know what does! This article basically states that the brain generates electrical fields that cause changes in other cells that are not physically connected to that part of the brain. In fact, “The team managed to simulate communication across completely severed brain tissue while the separate pieces remained in close proximity.” Wow! Just think of the implications of that…? Wireless communication being generated by the brain.

Now of course, all the hardcore materialists will say that this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, that nothing of real importance could ever be achieved using this faculty, blah blah blah – like they say about everything they don’t completely understand, but supposedly understand well enough to know what’s impossible. Yeah, ok – that makes sense. No, this DOES mean exactly what it says: the brain is capable of generating electrical fields that can communicate to other cells wirelessly. Magick is possible – Magick is REAL.

….Or maybe not.

Continuing on my last post lol. Ok, so I am trying to be positive and think of things in the affirmative – that somewhere deep inside, I know what to do with the website, that there is some idea just waiting to be expressed in there, some idea that will allow me to somehow make enough money to be able to do what I truly want to full time – BUT, the thing is, I once again feel confused, overwhelmed with thoughts, and honestly a bit alone in all of it.

Ever since I was young I felt as though there was some higher purpose I was here for. When the poetry thing started right before high school was over, it ushered in a new experience of believing that even more deeply; the poetry was so evocative, powerful, spontaneous, certain – it definitely seemed to come from somewhere else, and many of the themes were what could be called Messianic in a way..? Or at least very much a Paraclete kind of voice.

Then there was the period of delving into New Age thought, starting mainly with Willie in Prescott, and progressing through the whole “guru” phase, when I (and a few others honestly) thought I might be some kind of “Second coming” or something. I gave Tarot readings, argued with my elders about my “idealistic” thoughts, experienced a lightning bolt flash in the sky, following the path of my finger as I, filled with frustration, admonished this lady who believed she was beyond salvation that if God wanted her to know that he loved her, he could make a lightning bolt flash right across the sky – and He/She must, cuz He/She did! It all culminated in a series of related events which stretched over a couple of years and culminated in “the Coin-incidence” – something experienced by myself, Doug, Luke and Sam, and something that blew their minds as well. And part of that, a big part of it, was the matching (not exactly, but more mystically) of the coin in the front of a book, “The Templar Tradition,” with one that Luke took out of a desk drawer at Sam’s mom’s house (where we lived). I think I had seen it before then. It was definitely a “BOOM!” moment. For a while, I rode that wave of exhilaration and surety of purpose. But I ended up actually losing the coin very shortly after, which would prove to be very symbolic of what would happen to me and the path – I got lost.

Fast forward to now, 24 years after the Coin-incidence. I am 15 years clean and sober, have a great wife (been married for almost 7 years), kids (mine anyway) are grown and out of the house, doing well, I’m a homeowner, a successful developer working for a good company – life is good. Although there was a bit of heaviness to all of it, because until about a year ago, I thought I would never again experience the magic, mysticism and connectedness I once felt – and I wasn’t happy about it, at ALL. It seemed as though it was the price to pay for sobriety, and that did not seem fair to me at all – especially when I remembered the Templar Tradition specifically warning against using drugs to take shortcuts.

But lo and behold, a little while back (maybe 8-months ago..?) I experienced a pretty powerful synchronicity (memento mori – I have a post about it here…) that seemed to kick start what has felt more and more like “Coin-incidence 2 : this time, he’s sober” lol. And, much like I felt during much of the time back then, I am starting to have ideas about something I am supposed to “do,” like some higher purpose. And, again, much like back then, things seem to be leading me into certain realms of knowledge and experience, like some mystical thread weaved between all these things that my spirit is following. I will read a book, think “wow,” pick up another book that is not necessarily directly referenced, but there will be something in the next book that ties directly to the one before – just like happened way back when. Ok, that’s all fine and dandy, but what’s my point?

My point is that back during Ci1 (coin-incidence 1 – I’m getting tired of typing it out lol), I did try a few things to get something going, to make my “dream come true.” Of course I was totally high, and I’m sure that had a good deal to do with a lack of any true or lasting success of a practical kind. Now I am sober, and still, all of these ideas have been rushing into my mind about what I should do – what I would like to do. With the rise of “social media influencers,” the youtube culture, etc. it seems evident that it is possible to “make it” just by having an idea and an audience. Of course the trick is, you have to have something people want – and what people want more than anything these days it seems is to be entertained. But how entertaining can the Temple Tradition be, really? And is that even what I should be worrying about? Should I focus more on trying to “gather” like minds? And if so, to what purpose? Am I just deluding myself, again? I mean, just because I’m sober doesn’t mean this is a great idea.

I’ve been praying a lot over the last week or 2 for a little help from the Universe if this is something I am meant to do. This morning, I decided to make it more specific, and asked that if it is meant to be, the Universe bless me with $500k (the least amount possible for my purposes) so I could take a year and work on this – whatever “this” is. Honestly, and I know this isn’t conducive to allowing it to happen, I am pretty skeptical about it. Seems I have prayed so many times for a little help on stuff like this. And don’t get me wrong – God has always provided for my needs, and WAY more than I deserve. My gratitude is truly infinite. I guess I had just hoped that when I really needed it, and when I was worthy (sober?) and ready (again, sober lol) I might get some little “miracle” to help me at least TRY to achieve my dream. According to all the magick and new thought stuff, I need to believe it has already happened, with total faith. I guess the question should be, am I capable of doing that..? I’m sure going to try.

Whatever happens, what is most important to me (honestly) is that I do the will of Spirit/God and not just my own. I don’t want to follow in the steps of others who have done magick just for the sake of gaining power or their own “Wows”. I don’t want to become some guru and lead others in some kind of religious movement. I just want to help bring forth some real Cosmic Christ, Christ Consciousness, Buddha Nature kind of Magick into this world in a manner that can truly help this planet and all beings who are suffering. If Trump, the ultra welathy, and the capitalists, the “show runners” of this place can guide the consciousness of people like they do to achieve their means, why can’t someone with truly good intentions do the same in a manner that counters, or even overpowers the lords of mammon..? I don’t know, but I’d sure like to give it everything I can think of.

And that’s a lot. I’ve thought about setting an NI loose on a number of selected texts and asking it to extract the “Truth.” I’ve also thought about setting NI loose on some mind maps/brain scans/? to see if there is some way to bring about an increase in God consciousness/that feeling of connectedness without doing drugs. I’ve thought about creating memes (hence the name of this site) that are thoughtfully created to be just entertaining enough that people will want to share them, but will have some kind of Temple “hook” if you will that will call forth the appropriate archetype in their subconscious. Perhaps they could even be arranged in an order as to lead up to some kind of experience or openness to experience. I’ve though about using the website to put a call out to the Born Knights of the Temple to attempt to gather us all to ??? Lots of ideas, some, none, or all of which may be good.

So come on Universe – it’s your move now! I’m ready, willing and eager to help in whatever way I can, I need only a little assistance. And some money – yeah, that too lol.

I know what to do…

…at least my subconscious, my Higher Self, my whatever knows lol. I am saying this now instead of what I was saying this morning during my morning prayer – “I don’t know what to do now?” I realized that is a negative statement, and affirms something I don’t believe to be true. It is more accurate to say that my conscious mind is not yet fully aware of what exactly I need to do. But that is much different than “I don’t know what to do.” It changes the attitude and perspective from one of helplessness and confusion to one of looking deeper, increasing awareness, quieting the ego and chattering mind, keeping eyes, ears, mind, body and spirit awake and aware of signs, signals and synchronicities all around me.

I was also thinking the other day about the idea of “Teachers” or “Masters,” and how I used to be envious of people who claimed to have been approached and taught by mystic masters, as in the book “The Ultimate Frontier.” But then I thought back to the Coin-incidence, and remembered that I WAS being led and taught, although not necessarily by some old dude in a physical body. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was being led by some “Ascended masters,” or channeling some strangely named entity like “Zykon” or something…. but there was a series of events, spurred by intuition, other people, strange happenings, coincidences, etc, that definitely seemed to be all aligned in some specific purpose – connected, corresponding if you will.

And it seems like that kind of situation is starting up – actually, is in full swing again now. The last number of books I have read seem to follow each other perfectly, even inasmuch one will directly reference one of the previous ones I’ve read. But what’s really interesting is the directionality of that referencing : it’s not like I read a book that says “go check this out,” and then I go get that book. No, it’s more like I read a book, think it’s good, look for something else to read that may or may not be remotely related, and then when reading the new book, come across a reference to the book I’ve just read, or perhaps one I read a while back. An example would be the book “Real Magic” I just finished. Just before reading it, I read “Synchronicity – An Acausal Principle” by Carl Jung. To be fair, a large part of that book was about non-local (psychic) experiences. But not necessarily about magic, and was written long before “Real Magic” – which I discovered mentioned Jung’s work, which I had just read, pretty early on.

Now I know that this isn’t necessarily mind-blowing, as the topics are related. When talking about psychic or non-local effects, we are basically talking about Magick, so it shouldn’t be any big surprise that the books reference each other. For me, it’s more about the exact order in which things are happening… the way the concepts are building on each other… it’s as if a course of study has been laid out, and I am following it unconsciously. And I am hoping that course leads to some kind of “capstone project” this time – an actual manifestation in the material world of that concept/idea/whatever inside of me that has been crying for full expression for years now.

Funny, I almost said again “I don’t know what it is…” and that is EXACTLY the kind of thinking I need to change! Because I DO know what it is. I am going to keep affirming that until this baby I’ve been gestating for the last 28 years (at LEAST!) is finally born into this world. And I know it’s there. I’ve seen some things, experienced some things, when I was convinced that I knew. Now, I am entering a state of being convinced again, coaxing it even, and this time, without the use of hallucinogenics or other mind-altering substances. It has been a much longer road to get here, and I honestly thought at times I never would. But alas, here I am, and it seems as though the coincidences are starting to pile up, leading hopefully to another, even more profound Coin-incidence – or something even better – hopefully.

On a side note, I wrote a little while back about one of those coincidences or synchronicities related to seeing a work van with the name “Abracadabra” on the side of it as I was praying about something astonishingly relevant on the way to work the other day. So I ordered a cool pendant I found that has that on it. And the best part? It’s in Hebrew. That was one of the attributes of the Coin that made it so outstanding and special – the Hebrew writing on it. Another cool thing is that it is a 6-sided amulet. I had been having some strong intuition to get a six-sided pendant lately, almost bought one at Black Market minerals the other day, and was actually shopping for one online. Lo and behold, the Abracadabra one, with Hebrew writing, just happened to be one… imagine that. “I will create as I speak” – Abra-Kadabra! goes live!

What is WHAT IS MAGICMEME.COM??? Yeah, now that you ask, what IS I honestly have no idea at this point. I do know that I bought a domain name through godaddy named that, and have taken them up on their one month free trial of their website builder to throw a site on it. But I have no idea what, if anything, I am actually going to do with it at this point. I start thinking about it, and my mind starts racing, and all of these ideas come to me. But the more I think about them, the more I realize that they are all too scattered, and I don’t have a defined purpose figured out just yet. Is the primary motive to just get knowledge out there? And if so, what kind of knowledge? For what purpose? Do I want to leverage the site to maybe somehow, someday generate revenue? And if so, how would I do that?

This is a kind of desire or compulsion I have had for a long time now, to have some kind of site on the web from which to share my (ideas?) with the world. And to be sure, I have had a number of different blogs, none of which was all that successful. I still have The Thought Buffet out there, and obvi, this one. In the beginning, I had “” and had my own little site I had created that talked about DNA and code and stuff. But nothing more than information that intrigued me was really ever posted. On the Numsunghero, I had a little run of publishing funny posts, and had my cousin and one other guy following. But I got depressed and wasn’t able or willing to be funny any longer (back then), so I gave it up.

Now here I am, in 2019, with yet another blog out there, and now with a domain, and still I have no idea of what to do with it really lol. It seems like there is something I could do. I am kinda smart, kinda funny, have some wisdom I’ve learned, am a pretty good communicator, am mildly creative… seems like there is something in there that has been festering for a long time now and wants to be expressed, but I have trouble popping the zit that is this great idea. It’s more like those under-the-skin ones that you squeeze and squeeze and squeeze, but they never pop – they just leave scars.

Anyhoo, enough talk of zits. What inspired me to create this crazy new site anyway? Well, something more reliable, certain, accurate and dependable than you could ever hope for : an online Tarot reading. And though I said that facetiously, as someone who has done his share of Tarot readings myself, I can say that it was pretty darn powerful. I’m going to see if I can embed images of it in this post. Considering all of the stuff I have been experiencing and posting about magic(k), it’s quite interesting indeed who showed up in the number 6 slot of the horseshoe spread. And truly, it did give me chills, resonated deeply with me, and I do honestly feel like I am on the brink — again. It’s just that the last (?) times I’ve felt this way, nothing truly lasting or profound – wait, let me re-phrase that – nothing truly lasting or profound the way I WANTED IT TO BE lol – ever came to be. I can’t say nothing profound or lasting, because there was the Coin-incidence, which was very profound, and the effects are still with me, and other, albeit less powerful, still memorable and life-changing experiences.

So who knows – maybe this baby is ready to be birthed now. Would sure be nice. I feel like I’ve been carrying this thing for YEARS, and it sure would be nice to see it be delivered, have life breathed into it, to grow and flourish, and – well, some more baby analogies lol.

Here’s the Tarot spread:

Not every day is magical – but yes, every day IS magical

I guess the first part of that title stems from the fact that it seems like not every day can be filled with synchronistic experiences, coincidences, “wow!” moments. No, those moments seem to be spread out just a bit, and I suppose that makes sense. But that doesn’t mean that a day isn’t magical, for just being alive and being sober is VERY magical to me, and I always need to remember that. And I don’t mean that in fluffy way – I mean it in a very real sense. The fact that I am completely sober and live a life free from the compulsion to use drugs is nothing short of a miracle.

Of course there are layers, as there are with all things. That sobriety and serenity is the base “layer.” And for a long time, it seemed like that was the only layer of the cake of magic I was ever going to get to experience again. But lately, as I have been recording here, the other layers have started to manifest. Now, I have to be careful, because as with all things, as an addict, the things that make me feel good, I want more, and more, and MORE of! So of course I want more synchronicities, more coin-incidences, more “wow!” moments. I try to tell myself that if they were to start happening much more frequently, as I hope and wish they will, I won’t lose that sense of awe, wonder and gratitude. Actually what I’m doing is bargaining with the Universe, saying basically “if you allow me to experience being in the Flow on a much more regular basis, I promise I won’t let it go to my head, nor will I stop appreciating it and being extremely grateful for it.” I’m hoping that by making this promise to my Higher Power, I will be granted more frequent experiences of synchronicity, coin-incidence and being in the Flow.

It does seem as though I am being led again, and I feel as though that Master, that Teacher that was guiding me back during the Coin-incidence, that type of situation is happening again. I noticed last night while reading my latest book pickup, “Dark Star,” it references the Carl Jung stuff I just got done reading, as well as some Hermetic texts, which I have a copy of. It seems as though there is this Golden thread that has been weaved, and I am being led along it. And it’s very invigorating, especially considering that not that long ago, I was having trouble finding anything to read that I was interested in. Now, I have just finished 2 books that were fascinating (“Real Magic,” “Synchronicity”), just started another one that I just mentioned, and have my next one (“Grail”) lined up. So, much like that period back in the early 90’s, it’s as if I am being led by Spirit into knowledge that my Spirit craves – and it’s awesome.

I keep hoping that maybe this time, I can stay in the Flow, that I can remain on the Path, and progress further spiritually, in a persisting manner. I’m hoping it’s not just a “phase” this time, but a true, lasting shift in my life experience. I like to think that if I can stay sober and humble, that will be the case. Only time will tell, but I am feeling pretty good about it.

Magic, magic – magic everywhere – LITERALLY

A spam email from Oracle with the title “Top Reasons to Attend: Including a Touch of ‘Magic'”. An umbrella ordered from Amazon by my wife, the brand is Magictec. A post about quantum physics that mentions magic. A van I see on the way to work yesterday as I am praying about metaphysical/magical stuff, the name of the company in big letters on the side of the van, “Abracadabra.” Magic is literally everywhere lately it seems.

And I found myself wondering this morning – has it always been like that, and I am just now noticing? It is possible, though I tend to think not. How is it that it is popping up so much now? I am reading the book “Synchronicity : An Acausal Connecting Principle” by Jung right now, and in it, he discusses this very question. The levels of synchronicity occurring right now are off the chart it seems, particularly as far as magic is concerned. Is it perhaps like a virtuoso sitting in an audience as just another member, unnoticed, but filled with awesome potential if only he is called on to perform..? That is an analogy I came up with to illustrate the fact that it has always been there, I just haven’t called on it, if that makes sense.

I have been wondering if this is all leading anywhere magical – I certainly hope it is. I remember the coin-incidence back in ’93-’94, and I felt very strongly it was leading to somewhere incredible – like I would realize my deepest dream and desire. But then I lost the coin, which I think was extremely symbolic – I lost it both literally and figuratively, physically and spiritually. Is it possible that I get another chance to hold the coin and this time, I am strong, disciplined and humble enough to carry it to a more magical reality? I really, really hope so.

And maybe this is all just stuff that’s happening, that I am noticing, and this is the more magical place. I guess ultimately I would like to be able to make a living doing something more spiritually fulfilling, and that’s what I mean to myself when I say “magical place.” I certainly have put that intention out to the Universe, and and hoping and praying that it is a place that exists for me – or is coming into manifestation. Abracadabra! ß