Pulling back a bit

I’ve said this a few times before, and always end up putting myself back out there, but I honestly think this time might just be for good. I’ve been getting message after message after message from the Universe telling me that my path is to be a solitary one, at least in regards to the deeper spiritual progress and insights go, and that attempts to share them with others probably won’t amount to much. Thing is, a number of people are going through awakening right now; some started years ago, some months ago, some maybe yesterday. But everyone is on their own path, coming to their own realizations, listening to Spirit speak to them in the manner that they can best perceive. And almost always, at least for me it seems, that manner is different for each person in at least some ways – probably more so now than ever before in history for the simple fact that a person can browse the web and research 20 different spiritual traditions that span 5000 years in 15 minutes.

In ages past, the only way a person learned about spiritual practice was either by direct contact with and initiation by an elder, being approached by a missionary or emissary, or going to a church or other gathering. And often times, in fact most often probably up until a few hundred years ago, a person would only really know of or be introduced to one such tradition. They didn’t know of others. With the birth of the printing press and the ensuing industrial revolution, people had access to books, and could go to a library and read books about different traditions. That was still limited of course to accessibility to a library, the titles that library carried, availability in the appropriate language, etc. There was more diversity, but it was still limited. Then along came the computer age, and everything changed. And once the Internet fired up, well – just like I said above, a person can take in the core principles of untold numbers of philosophies, traditions, religions, etc in a matter of minutes or hours.

And that has changed the role of the “mystic as teacher” to be sure. Things that took years to learn in the past can now be discovered in an evening of insightful browsing. Of course there is a difference between reading a deep spiritual or mystical principle and actually experiencing or truly understanding it. But ultimately, that boils down to individual work anyway – a person has to take the steps necessary for them, and they might differ slightly from the steps another needs to take to reach that same realization. And ultimately, that is a very good thing. It allows people to be free from the need for a guru, guide, or prophet. They can find information themselves, sift through it, pick out the things that fit for them and leave the other stuff. In fact, I just discovered recently that there is something called an “eclectic witch” which is basically just that: a witch who practices on their own, and mixes together a ‘custom blend’ of spiritual and magical traditions into a practice that works for them. I realized after reading it that that’s basically what I am – an eclectic witch. I’m not the prophet, priest, or even warrior I thought I might be, or wanted to be.

I don’t say this just willy nilly either. As I said in the beginning, there have been a ton of signs and messages from the Universe/Spirit telling me as much. I keep going back and forth between accepting it, and rejecting it, back to accepting, back to rejecting. Because I really enjoyed that period time when I was seen as a bit of a guru back in the early 90’s. It made me feel like who I am – who I REALLY am – was actually worth something to other people. My thirst for spiritual knowledge and all the stuff I had learned about it was truly valuable, and people looked up to me in that regard. Not a ton of people – I wasn’t some major leader or “influencer” (this was pre-web lol), but wherever I went, I became known as a mystic poet with some deep spiritual insights, a sage as it were, and it felt really good.

But these days, people just don’t need me, or anyone really, to be that “sage.” And after all, isn’t that what all the great prophets foretold? The return of the Christ. And of course, that never meant the return of the human incarnation of Christ. No, it meant the Christ Consciousness, and that it would return in the hearts and minds of all people, such that they wouldn’t need someone to “lead” them – it would live in them and reveal the Truth to everyone who seeks it. So in some sense, it kinda’ puts folks like me “out of business” lol. And that is a great thing, a wonderful thing really. Because isn’t that the dream? That everyone who wishes to can experience awakening on their own?

Now of course, that’s not to say that everyone who wants to is just going to wake up one day and be “awakened.” No, it doesn’t work like that. I suspect that people, those who earnestly seek, are going to go through the stages more quickly though, like an accelerated course, because the energy that his here right now is much more intense than it ever has been. It’s like the difference in time to fill a 5 gallon bucket with an eye dropper, and now people have a hose hooked up to a spigot. Ok, it might not be quite that dramatic. but you get the idea.

So what does that mean for folks like me who ave been on the path for over 30 years now? Well, I think some are filling that role of teacher, those who teach in a style and format that is more popular in our current time. But for me, it seems that I am supposed to focus on my own path, to not seek to be a teacher or leader or any such thing. That doesn’t mean I can’t keep posting here; I’ve been writing for over 32 years, blogging for 13, not going to stop. But I am going to pull back on the whole “Order of Truth,” the videos, the Eternal Temple website, etc. I’m not going to throw a hissy and take it all down like I have in the past lol. But I am going to stop working on or promoting them.

As I’m writing this, I just thought of the verse “a man cannot serve two masters”:

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else. he will hold to the one, and despise the other, Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” ~ Matthew 6:24

Now I don’t know about the hate and despise stuff. But I do know that trying to keep up the “outreach” while trying to work on my own progress isn’t working so well. I end up getting down about it not catching on, and that sets me back in my own progress. And I guess I really don’t like that; hate still seems strong, but definitely don’t like.

I read a book on mysticism lately, and a lot of the true mystics back in the day were largely unknown until after they passed, often times because they preferred solitary lives. I don’t know that I’m quite at that level, but there is a reason I chose to call this current blog the “Forgotten Mystic.” I need to embrace that, stop letting that sneaky ego get in there with it’s ideas for marketing campaigns, and start moving further up the mountain. It’s ok to be just another seeker. People don’t need a “guide,” and I am doing them, and the Christ Consciousness a disservice, by trying to be that. I can proffer advice when asked, share tales of my journey, but I’m not a guide – I’m just trying to find my way too.

A senseless bad omen, of the highest order

I saw this article yesterday, and was immediately gripped – first, by the sheer tragedy and unnecessary nature of it, and second, by the overt and powerful symbolism.


From the article:

The RSPCA said that it advised officers to leave the deer to make its own way home, explaining that deer sightings in urban areas are becoming increasingly common. But the police said that there was “no option to let the deer wander as it could be a danger to motorists and members of the public in the area”, particularly as the hours of darkness approached.

I read this as, “It’s going to take too long and too much work to try to save the deer, so we just decided to do it the ‘easy’ way and kill it.” Now to be fair, I’m not saying the officers involved were evil people, and perhaps they really did feel that there was no other option, that peoples lives were being endangered. But that thought alone exposes a couple of salient points.

One is the fact that the whole reason the deer was in the town to begin with is because human development has encroached on their natural habitats so much that there really is no chance that deer WON’T show up in towns. And that goes for other wildlife as well. As humanity gobbles up more and more real estate and associated resources, the animals get less and less, and are starting to venture into human towns and cities more in search of food, water, etc. I don’t think animals actually WANT to come into towns, they are probably going out of necessity, loss of natural habitat, or even confusion. Given that, seems we could go out of our way to try to show some understanding and compassion, or – shocker – even have plans in place ahead of time to handle such situations that don’t result in the death of the animal.

The other fact, closely related to the previous one, is that we tend to think that the Earth – all of it, the land, oceans, rivers, mountains, sky – it’s all ours, to do with whatever we wish. And anything, or anyone, who gets in the way can simply be removed. That goes for animals, and also people. The Native Americans found out that applied to them as well – the whole ‘manifest destiny’ thing. So there was no question who had the right to be in the town and who didn’t. We are humans, rulers, given “dominion” over all of creation by god himself, so we can, and do, whatever we wish. The deer had to go. And if it had to be killed to remove it, so be it – was just an animal.

I already had an idea of the importance of the symbolism of the white stag, as I’m sure most people would – especially considering the fact that in the books and films, Harry Potter’s Patronus is a white stag. I figured it was basically a symbol for nature itself, and in particular, the Forest Spirit. But I was surprised to learn that it’s actually a little more than that, and even MORE symbolic:

The white stag or hart is an unusual and elusive animal who has special meaning in ancient cultures. The Celts believed he brought messages from the spirit world. As well, he would appear as a moral reminder if person was veering off the path of righteousness.

In the legends of King Arthur, the white stag represented the pursuit of a spiritual quest.

(from https://www.uniguide.com/stag-meaning-symbolism-spirit-animal-guide/)

And also

In Christian art, like the mystical White Unicorn, the White Stag represents Christ. Sometimes, the White Stag wears a golden crown and chain, both of which are emblems of Christ’s suffering for all of humanity. Here, the color white takes on a different connotation, symbolizing deep spirituality, illumination, faith, humility, protection, perfection, and the Heavens. Stories tell of people meeting a White Stag that inspires tremendous spiritual changes in the individual.

(from https://whatismyspiritanimal.com/spirit-totem-power-animal-meanings/mammals/white-stag-symbolism-meanings/)

So, it symbolizes

  • A messenger from the spirit world reminding someone they are veering off the path of righteousness
  • The pursuit of a spiritual quest
  • Christ, and deep spirituality and tremendous spiritual changes for the individual who encounters it/him

Wow. The connotations and powerful symbolism are absolutely striking. If I knew anything about any of this stuff, I might propose that the killing of it heralds huge changes are are coming, soon; in particular, those of a spiritual nature – for individuals, and humankind as a whole. A lot of us have been feeling that something big is coming – I think there’s little question of that now.

Things are really POPPIN’!

Wow, this last 24 hours has been crazy! So many planetary and solar events.

Of course we have the La Palma eruption: https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/canaries-volcano-blasts-lava-into-air-ash-blankets-area-2021-09-23/

Then this morning, I discovered that there was an earthquake in Australia yesterday: https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-australia-58655306

“Geologists say the quake is the largest in south-east Australia since the 1800s.”

Then I woke up this morning to see an alert on my phone about this:

And it’s really weird, because I keep getting TONS of articles, videos, etc suggested for me that are about major solar events, all published recently.

Are we ready? Understanding just how big solar flares can get?https://knowablemagazine.org/article/physical-world/2021/understanding-just-how-big-solar-flares-can-get

Could a solar storm wipe out civilization as we know it? | Michelle Thaller | Big Think https://youtu.be/VGYMgU7d00Q

And of course, this is all in addition to my own intuition about a major solar event on the near horizon. How near, I don’t know. But it certainly seems the Universe/Spirit is sending PLENTY of messages about what’s coming. I’ve read somewhere that they always communicate in advance when truly huge things are coming. I think back to the Flood in the Bible. I don’t think it was necessarily God, some old guy in a robe, bellowing out to Noah from on high. No, that was allegory. Chances are there were signs, similar to what we are seeing, but obviously tailored to that time period.

What does all this mean to me? Well, that I was right – surprise suprise! Lol. Seriously though – I think it means exactly what I have been contending for a while now, that we are in the ‘event’ now, and that things are continuing to accelerate, the “quickening,” as we get closer and closer to that tipping point that will really start to reveal where we are in this time. At least for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. Because, just as in the days of Noah, there will be those who don’t see it, don’t want to, and honestly don’t care.

And to repeat what I’ve been saying, it’s not the “end of the world,” it’s the end of this ‘world’ – this phase of human development, if it can even be called that. A lot of people, seers, visionaries, channelers, contactees, intuitives, shamans, etc are saying the same exact thing. It seems very hard to believe that we could ALL be wrong.

It’s not a time to be afraid – it’s a time to rejoice! Not saying it’s going to be all unicorns and rainbows – though that would be awesome! Lol – but it means that there is some karmic balancing that’s finally going to happen. And maybe a chance to start over, or at least remove enough of the forces of life’s destruction to give builders a chance – a rebalancing, a grand attunement to a higher vibrational existence.

Who knows, I could be totally wrong. But it’s not just me saying it. The prophets of old, and even some newer ones have said as much. The good thing is I don’t think we will have to wait too long to see where this train is heading. I, for one, am ready for the ride – ready to get off the train we’ve been on and head for a new destination – all aboard!

This ain’t no “Field of dreams”

I built it, but they didn’t come lol.

Of course, I’m talking about the new forum I created on the relatively new site. But then, I’m talking about this blog too. And the one before it. And the one before it. And – you get the point. I don’t know if anyone has ever actually seen it, but buried down on the bottom right of the page, below the archives, in very small print, is a link to the main blog I had before this one – “The Thought Buffet” http://thethoughtbuffet.blogspot.com/?zx=4200ca3d48d5c8e5 Clever title, right? And then there was the even older blog, “The Cessation of Suffering” http://thecessationofsuffering.blogspot.com/ And I think between both of those, over 10 years, I had maybe 2 people who read them. But honestly, it’s not like I tried to promote them that much, and certainly wasn’t writing for entertainment. They served primarily as personal journals.

Well, that’s not entirely true. For a period of time on “The Thought Buffet,” my cousin had convinced me that I was a great writer, and that my stuff was really funny, so I should try to do more of that and promote it a little bit. And so I did, but it never really got much attention. I tried posting links to the content on Facebook, and spreading the word in other ways – no dice. So I went back to just writing whatever struck me.

And so I have continued to do so, up until about 2 years ago, when I was compelled to put together a website that I hoped would attract some like-minded folks. I thought that people would see it, go “oh wow, that sounds cool!” and reach out to see what it was about. I would then tell them of my desire to start a spiritual order called The Order of Unifying Truth – one like the Knights Templar (the true ones, as from “The Templar Tradition,” not the ones described in all the documentaries and popular books) but modernized, fitted to today’s world. They would say that sounded great, and we would set about on collaborating on how to actually build the order, what we could actually do, etc. Others would join in, and it would be like our very own virtual Knights of the Round Table.

As I write this, is actually sounds a bit silly, honestly. And that’s probably why it hasn’t really taken off. You can’t just throw a website out there with some idea of creating some spiritual order without having it all planned out I’m guessing. I wonder how groups like the Masons, the Templars, the Rosicrucians, etc, got started initially, like in the very very beginning though. They can’t have known everything right off the bat, right? There had to be some formative period where a few people came together and figured out what they wanted to the order to be about? What the codes, ideals, goals, etc should be? I’ve felt compelled – guided one could even say, to try to start (or actually re-start in a sense) such an order. But while I think it is some kind of “destined” thing, maybe I am just deluding myself, living in my own little fantasy story? It’s entirely possible. Or maybe dark mentalists/tricksters/mischievous/malevolent energies/entities are messing with me, stringing me along to waste my time and resources while also sucking the hope out of me? That’s possible too.

And who knows – I guess there is always a chance, slim as it may be, that it could still happen, and I just have to be – oh God, I can’t hardly stand to say this again – PATIENT. That word has been the biggest challenge of my life when it comes to all this stuff. It’s not so fun being an “old soul” when people are telling you that at like 12 years old. This shit has been old for a long, LONG time already lol. But if I am nothing else, I am persistent. I guess I make up with my lack of patience with that dogged determination. In fact, my old best friend Doug (God rest his soul; tomorrow is his birthday – Love you brother) always liked to jokingly repeat a phrase my mom yelled at me one time, one that he thought encapsulated me nicely – “You bull-headed little f**ker!” He would exclaim that, and we would both crack up; because my mom said it, and because it was actually true!

So you know how there’s that old question, “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” Well, what happens when an incredibly persistent person keeps trying to create something, unsuccessfully to this point, that he is extremely impatient to get going? I’ll tell you what – a huge number of blog posts just like this! Lol. Seriously – I bet if I looked back over the last 13 years of posts, there are probably at least 50 just like this. Hell, I should do that – go back and find some good ones, just copy and paste them, save the keystrokes.

Of course I have a few more than 2 followers now, which just goes to show how hopeless things really are haha! But if there’s one conclusion I have come to, it’s that I am going to write whatever I am moved to, without any concern of who might read it or whether they will like it. It’s been just me for so long, that the only audience I really have to please is that bull-headed little f**ker who just won’t quit. Because even though I get SO sick of that guy, I’ve learned to love him too. Because he still has his dream, silly as it may be. And he’s STILL going for it, 13 years, 3+ blogs, and a gajillion posts later. So maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone else comes to the field of dreams. In fact, Mother Theresa’s Prayer just came into my head – seems like the perfect end to this post:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

         If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

         If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

         If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

         What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

         If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

   The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

  Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

Epiphany – we are IN the “event,” now

I was responding to someone on Twitter this morning who was saying that he keeps hearing about some big “event” coming – these are the actual words from his post:

“I keep seeing that we are entering some sort of new new time and changes, but when? The waiting sucks. I don’t care if it’s the rapture or a giant asteroid or even the lizards invading.”

I thought about it for a moment or 2 and started writing…

“A pretty smart dude once said that no one knew the exact day and time lol. But seriously, it’s now. It’s a process, and we are in it. Ultimately, it’s an inside job, personal revelation. The pieces are being provided, it’s for each us to put them together.”

And as I was typing, I started to have a bit of an epiphany –

“I’m starting to think that’s what “the great deception” is really about – making us all think that there is going to be some singular, spectacular “event” or catastrophe, such that we are all waiting, and waiting, and waiting… such that we miss the true event, even while it passes right in front of us. I keep thinking back to the parable Christ told about the ‘thief in the night,’ and it makes sense in this context. I don’t know anything more than anyone else, but the signs are all around for those with eyes to see.”

Now to be sure, I’ve thought for a long time that we are in the middle of what is going to be a longer process than I ever wished for. Much like the guy who posted that comment, I was tired of waiting like 30 years ago! Lol. And I have predicted, incorrectly, time and time again that the “event” was nigh – probably partly out of wishful thinking. And the more I started to think about that very dynamic – the constant wishing for a truly apocalyptic event; the cycles of waiting, hope, then disappointment when it doesn’t happen (think 2000, 2012, etc etc); the loss of faith that comes with waiting over years and years, only for things to keep going; and – wait, hold on a minute – that last one, it stuck with me. The loss of faith –

And it dawned on me – what if we truly ARE, and not just speaking hypothetically or metaphorically, but what if we really are right smack dab in the middle of said “event,” and the great deception is that we don’t even realize it! Jesus spent quite a bit of time in Matthew 24 giving parable after parable about being ready, not being fooled, keeping watch, etc.

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,g but only the Father. 37As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark. 39And they were oblivious, until the flood came and swept them all away. So will it be at the coming of the Son of Man. 40Two men will be in the field: one will be taken and the other left. 41Two women will be grinding at the mill: one will be taken and the other left.

This part – it’s not about being physically taken – it’s about the spirit, the soul. And the one taken, they aren’t the “lucky” one being ‘raptured’ – the one being taken is being taken by the dark mentalists, by the powers of hatred and destruction set loose on the world. Christ was not one who would look to be whisked away from trouble – no reason to think that he would expect those who follow Spirit to. The person left is the fortunate one. Think about Noah – he wasn’t taken, right? He was left here, he remained.

42Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day on which your Lord will come. 43But understand this: If the homeowner had known in which watch of the night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44For this reason, you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour you do not expect.

It could definitely be said that right now, especially in the US, we are in a dark night of the soul as a nation. And the thief is doubt and fear. Our house is our temple – our mind, body and spirit. And the thing the thief is coming for is our faith, our belief, our hope.

45Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of his household, to give the others their food at the proper time? 46Blessed is that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

48But suppose that servant is wicked and says in his heart, ‘My master will be away a long time.’ 49And he begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50The master of that servant will come on a day he does not expect and at an hour he does not anticipate. 51Then he will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

That last part especially – he begins to beat his fellow servants. Seems to be a lot of that going on, especially when you think of ‘beating’ in a spiritual/psychological sense, and not necessarily physical. We are all being beaten down by the impacts of the things they have down to Mother Earth, to our civility, to life and hope itself.

I am honestly tripping out a bit right now, and realizing that I REALLY need to work on protecting myself – physically, mentally, and most of all spiritually. Because the battle of Armageddon is happening right now, on the spiritual plane, LITERALLY. It’s fairly easy to see that sides are being chosen as never before. And we need to be careful – I need to be careful – not to underestimate the powers of ignorance and division – the egregore of the antichrist. Because it/they are coming for those whose Lights shine brightest. Their only hope at this point is to extinguish all the light they can. And the longer we all remain complacent, in a state of waiting for some event, instead of realizing it’s already here, the easier it will be for them to accomplish their mission. Wow.

I could argue that this is the most important epiphany I’ve ever had. I too have been waiting and waiting and waiting, growing weary, impatient, and hopeless – all while my spirit and belief have been taking a beating, as are those of so many others. We need to see what’s going on right now, believe it in the depth of our souls, and start working on strengthening our spirits as much as possible.

That being said, I have started a forum for people of like minds and spirits to gather and share thoughts, ideas, wisdom, encouragement, experiences, etc. I am curating it carefully, because I want it to be a place free from the negativity, doubt, skepticism, division, etc, of other social media hangouts. If you are interested in joining, please send a message via the “Contact” link on my site, and I will provide the info.

I think that at this time, those of us who take our spirituality seriously and see what’s going on need to join together for strength and support. Because the battle for our very souls is happening now. And we need to stop waiting, and start fighting, to save them – together!

Video, or no video..? Feeling disenchanted

I think the title sums it up pretty well. I’m considering whether or not I should do another video for YouTube or not. I had an idea all planned, what I was going to talk about. But the more I kept thinking about it and seeing posts on Twitter of the things other people were covering in their podcasts – along with the fact that the video I personally thought was great and right in my wheelhouse, the “Two Pillars,” did so poorly – has me wondering if I should do any more or not. There are a few people who say they enjoy them, and that’s nice to know. And the quantum physics vid, it’s doing great – almost 100 views. Which just goes to show, I guess, that science is much more popular than spirituality. But then I already knew that. I wonder how many people realize how little “nuts and bolts” there really is to quantum physics?

The other thing I am running into is the fact that I really don’t know anything. No, honestly – I don’t. Someone even called me out today on a post I made about Siberian shamanism, which I have read about. I didn’t think they did hallucinogenics – turns out they did/do. So even a topic I THOUGHT I knew about, I don’t. And I don’t know any more than anyone else about spirituality, prophecy, meditation, anything. I read posts from other people and am amazed at how much better they put things than I do. I think the only thing I know, I can know, is what I myself have experienced. And that isn’t worth a hill of beans these days lol. Oh sure, I could tell personal stories. But there are tons of other people out there with much more compelling, interesting, funny, insightful, valuable, etc etc stories than mine. And this isn’t a self-pity thing (I mean, maybe it is a little bit lol) – it’s just the truth.

I was going do a video about prophecy. But I don’t know anything for certain about it, and there’s probably nothing I could say about Christ Consciousness that Whitley Streiber or others like him haven’t already said. I was going to talk about egregores and consciousness – but Anjali, Marshall Summers, and others like them have that covered pretty well. When I read their stuff, I’m like, “Yep, that’s what I would say.” When it comes to mysticism even, there are far better people than I out there sharing their profound insights about it. If anything, Twitter has been extremely humbling. It’s shown me how “un-special” I and my “wisdom” are.

And I suppose that’s a good thing. So much of this, for me anyway, is ego. I was thinking about it tonight – why do I care? Because I, my ego, WANTS to be popular. I want to be that person being retweeted. I want to be the person being invited to podcasts to share my mystical and philosophical insights. I want to be that person people look up to as a sort of guru or whatever.

And don’t we all, really? I mean, doesn’t it suck when you post something you think is really great on Twitter, and you get one, yes 1, like, if that even. Then you see someone else post almost the exact same thing, and they get tons of likes. It stings, right? We all want to be seen, to be heard, to feel like we matter. And I, I’ve had these stupid experiences over my life that I have interpreted to mean something. But apparently, that interpretation was wrong – wishful thinking, or delusions of semi-grandeur perhaps. Because I have tried repeatedly to pursue what I thought those experiences were leading me to, and it has resulted in pretty much nothing – at least to the outer world.

Personally, I have gained a TON of humility. And resilience. And patience. Ok, I’m still working on that one lol. But I have learned a lot. And I have learned that I don’t know squat. I truly understand what Socrates meant when he said a wise man knows he knows nothing. I just don’t think I can do any more videos, because I don’t know anything. I’m thinking about maybe telling the story of the coin-incidence, but I don’t even think that would come across right, don’t think I can capture the true spirit of it, and it would probably sound lame.

So, while I thought maybe I was transitioning back to the The Magician, like I was for a while back in my heyday, it’s looking like I will be staying The Hermit. And that’s ok I guess. I did a Tarot reading last week that kinda pointed in that direction, that I need to re-evaluate what I think my purpose is. Then I had a blood vessel break in my left eye, and there was a similar message in that. I hear you Universe/Spirit/God/Whatever. I don’t really like what you’re saying, but I know better than to try to keep paddling up river, all while the current shows no signs of changing. Time to just let go again – for a while anyway.

Time to just focus on climbing again. I need to focus on the summit, and not on telling people “Look how close I am! I’ll tell you how I did it…” Because honestly, they could be closer than I. I just need to keep climbing, stop comparing progress to others, and remember that it’s between me and my Higher Power – that’s it, that’s the Quest. Onward and upward.

The OUT is out – for now

Well, after months, actually years of trying to get an Order started, it looks like the Universe has spoken, and the answer is to let it go for now and focus on other things. Now this is not easy for me, because ever since the coin-incidence back in ’94, I have been trying to figure out the meaning of it, what I was meant to “do” with the info. And the conclusion I had come to – both back then, and recently as I have started to get deeper into spirituality and mysticism again – was that I was meant to ‘rebirth’ the Order of the Knights Templar, but a new version of it – one that admitted men and women, and was updated to better reflect the environment and challenges of our modern age. I created a website, even commissioned a really cool logo to be created just last week. But I have been confused on just how to move forward. And now I’m thinking that might be because that’s not the direction I was supposed to go – that isn’t the my real “mission.”

How did I reach that conclusion finally? For starters, last week, I had a blood vessel burst in my left eye. I wasn’t even aware of it until my wife looked at me and said, “Honey, did you know you have blood in your eye?” I did not. When I looked in the mirror, this is what I saw:

A friend of mine asked if I had looked into the spiritual meaning of it, and I said that I had not. She sent me this link:

The part that really caught my eye (punny, right? Lol) was this:

“You may need to internalize a message from your intuition now, even if part of the message involves dramatically changing your view of yourself. You may have to examine your inner motivations and subconscious desires now. You may also be shocked to learn that your true mission or purpose is not what you thought it was and this revelation can change the way you see yourself.”

That really got me thinking. She mentioned that the means by which the message was delivered was pretty bold. It also mentioned something about the Divine Feminine energy and developed psychic abilities, but I digress.

Sunday I spent a little time working on the page for the Order, and again, was a bit confused about how to move forward. So yesterday, I decided to do a Tarot reading on it. My question was if I should continue pursuing setting up the OUT or not. This is the reading:

The upside down chariot and 10 of swords smacked me right off the bat – definitely some “not the right path” vibes going there. The knight of wands reversed, same kind of energy. Interestingly, the outcome card being Justice upright was a bit of a surprise, and I’m still trying to work out the overall message. The friend I mentioned said she thinks the overall message is not “no,” but “not yet.” And that makes sense. Perhaps the reason I can’t think of how to move forward is because it’s not the right time yet. However, that doesn’t mean all my work has been in vein – it just means I need to do something I struggle with sometimes – be patient.

So for the time being, I am going to go back to blogging here, making videos, and just being open to the Universal Flow. It’s hard for me to do nothing in regards to all this stuff, but blogging, doing videos, and posting on Twitter is not nothing. My friend recommended I follow my passion, my creative side, and ask my Higher Self to guide me. She also said her guides told her I can need to “let things happen!” so that is exactly what I am going to do. I can listen, I can take guidance, and I can be patient today – I can do this!

Apocalypse now – like, NOW

I couldn’t think of a better or more fitting title for this post today. This morning, shortly after logging on for work, news of the bombing in Afghanistan came across the wire. The whole situation over there has been a mess over the last 20 years, but noticeably so especially over these last few weeks as the US has started pulling out. A number of people were killed, including US service persons. Another tragic loss of life. But even so, this alone certainly isn’t “apocalypse worthy.” But one has to take in the context of everything else that’s going on right now. And it’s a LOT.

And the thing about what’s going on is that some of the events are global, and pose existential threats to our species. Of course the major one in that category I am speaking of is climate change. It has been just relentless this year, and reared its head in SO many different ways and places: killer heatwaves, unprecedented rainfalls that have caused deadly flooding, rain in places it’s never rained before, extreme drought in other places, exacerbating/contributing to massive wildfires. It’s just off the charts this last year or two. Even the most skeptical folks are starting to wake up to the reality that the climate is changing, RAPIDLY.

Then there is the covid pandemic – a truly global phenomenon that has touched every country on earth I believe. Of course, chances of it wiping out the entire species are extremely low, especially considering the fact that humanity has made it through other ones – the flu of 1918, the Black Death in the Middle Ages, etc. However, it exposes something else that most certainly DOES pose an existential threat, and that is a level of willful ignorance and disregard for the lives of others, including children, that is truly shocking – even to old cynics like me. The stuff that is going on in Florida and Texas right now, it’s right out of a dystopian novel. And it’s easy enough to just tell ourselves that those are isolated pockets of insanity. But I have a number of friends whose spouses or other family members are avid conspiracy theorists. My wife works with a woman who is one, as is her husband. There are far more of these people out there than any of us would like to believe – and they definitely pose a threat to our species. Imagine if covid had like a 90% mortality rate, and we were trying to contain it, with all their misinformation. It would be a BAD thing for humanity, for sure.

And what drives that existential threat is the rise and global reach and influence of social media. In fact, someone who commented on my last video mentioned that and asked if I would address the dark mentalists more in my next one, especially in the context of social media, explain if/how they are using it to do what they do. Absolutely, they are using it, and it is DEFINITELY having a negative impact on our world, as referenced above. Another effect is has is creating this situation right here:


Now to be sure, social media didn’t create the whole “women as sexual objects” thang. No, that’s been around for a long, LONG time. But it has certainly increased the visibility of women and girls as she, and also increased the expectations on what a “pretty” girl is supposed to look like. It has also laid bare just how screwed up our values as a society are: we value this woman more for her face, butt and boobs than we do her skills as a healthcare worker – and all of this in the time of a pandemic. Honestly, that article is what sent me over the “apocalypse edge” today. If there were any better example of a modern day Babylon…

This is all good and well, we are in the apocalypse, the end of days is here, yadda yadda yadda lol. But so what – what can we do about it? Well, that’ what I’m here for! I am planning on doing a 2, maybe more, part video series called “Crash Course on Spiritual Survival” during which I am going to talk about the spirituality I practice, how it is grounded (as I see it) in science, why that’s important, and then the actual spiritual dynamics of what’s happening, the focus on ignorance over evil, and how – just as Willy said – we all have the same ultimate destiny – to be healers. I even made an outline, on the suggestion of a fellow “doomscroller” I have gotten to know via Twitter.

I’m looking forward to doing the vid, and am going to try a different technique for video capture – going to just use my phone instead of the computer. It will give me more flexibility, and I think the video will look better. I will be curious to see if anything ELSE happens between now and then. I did notice a post about this sunspot today, and had a bit of a prescient feeling about it… who knows, we’ll see if it pops off like I am thinking it might. If it does, well, there will just be another thing to talk about it!

Holy crap – the synchronicities are INSANE!

Ok, this is getting to the point that I am almost losing ability to function in actual career, as the number of synchronicities and coincidences is piling up so much, so often – it’s just astonishing. To think that at one point, not that long ago, I was afraid I might never again experience a period like that one all those years ago. I’m about one miracle away from saying that what’s happening now actually ECLIPSES that, if you can believe that.

I should probably try to list them all out here for posterity or something, but I’m vibing way too hard right now, if that makes sense lol. So here is a bullet list – this is all just today:

  • Was pondering the organization of the Eternal Temple last night, then saw the post from Anna about people need to create stuff together, basically
  • Chatting with Kristi about the golden eagle being hurt, how she prayed in the Temple about it, “Love it if We Made it” came on ALT Nation at that very moment
  • A few people posted some stuff about dreams involving the sun, I posted a poll about it, this afternoon a friend posts a spaceweather notification that the sun popped off 2 C class flares and small CME
  • Tessi finally checked her mail, and sent me a text flipping and tripping out, because she was literally JUST going to text me to ask for a crystal or necklace, only to open the mailbox and find one

I think I even missed a few, but this is the gist of what’s been happening. Reading this over as an objective observer (I just tried that), it’s easy enough to say “meh,” and I wouldn’t blame anyone. That’s the thing about synchronicities – there is a major aspect to them that is subjective, that another person can’t necessarily “get” without having experienced it themselves. Some are easy enough to get the general specialness of, like the story Jung tells about the beetle showing up on the window outside his office when he was working with a patient. But some require a little more background, or intimate, inside knowledge.

In any case, even my daughter said that she has been experiencing a ton of them too, and was actually feeling some anxiety about it. I get it. It’s so unreal, that it doesn’t quite feel right – almost unsettling. Hmmm… that sounds familiar.. wasn’t there a video titled that or something? Lol

But I told her to embrace it, to recognize it as magical and spiritual and that it was a sign in being in Flow with the Universe. She seemed to feel better after that. It truly is magical, and the thing this time is, I’m SOBER! And it’s not just me this time either – it’s a bunch of different people! Wow… I swear, I am literally vibrating. I find myself wishing SOOO much again that I could just win the lottery or something so I could have all my free time to devote to this, to the Temple. This stuff is happening, like, really, and I want so badly to be able to help bring focus to this energy to assist in the creation of something truly grand!

I pray that the opportunity will manifest in my reality soon. I always had an intuition that when the time was right, it would happen. And I have been wrong many, MANY times before. I am really hoping and praying that

1 – it was/is real intuition and not just wishful thinking, and

2- that this really is the time, because I feel like I have been waiting FOREVER. And

3 – this is my destiny I believe, like the thing I am really good at, the thing I want to give back to humanity, to Mother Earth, to all the plants and animals and other living things, to all the Teachers who have come before.

In a phrase from Hamilton, “I don’t wanna’ miss my SHOT!”

If there was ever a time, it is now. If ever there was enough high strangeness, synchronicity, and magic happening, it is now. Please Spirit/Creator/Source/God, let it be NOW!

Cast ye not your pearls…?

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit inspired, really grabbed on to the “Grand Attunement” idea, was pretty stoked, and actually thinking about doing a video on it. That was yesterday.

Today, whatever inspiration I had is pretty much completely gone. I checked back on my YouTube channel, and interest seems to have completely fallen off a cliff. My first vid got like 70 views – the next 2, like only 20 or so. Which indicates to me that over half of the people who watched the first one weren’t interested enough in whatever message I had to offer to watch any more. Or perhaps the awesome production value was just too much for them lol.

Now of course I know, have known for a long time, that it is a very small population of people indeed who are truly interested in the stuff I am, to the depth I am. It’s always been that way. I had thought, hoped, that the community on twitter was a bigger audience, and certainly, 20 views is like 18 more than I would have expected. I guess I was just hoping for a little more interest. To be sure, I have a few people who are extremely interested, and I don’t want to downplay or take that, or them, for granted. I GREATLY appreciate them (you know who you are lol), and I would happily continue making videos if it was only them interested.

I guess I never really gave up on the dream I had all those years ago of truly being some kind of “prophet” for the current age. That probably sounds very self important, or like a delusion of grandeur, but if one knows about the fate of most *true* prophets, it’s not a position of fame, fortune, acclaim, etc – hence Jesus saying “And he said, Verily I say unto you, No prophet is accepted in his own country” Luke 4:24.

So I guess I pretty much answered whatever question I had then, didn’t I? True prophets – not that I am one, mind you, though I aspire to be – don’t get rich, don’t have tons of followers, don’t become “influencers.” We are the voices in the wilderness that cry out to those who will listen. And what do we really know anyway? Honestly, it doesn’t take any prophetic skills to see where we are right now in this world, and where we are headed. No, it’s become painfully clear even to the skeptics.

I do have some kooky ideas about some things I thought/think might be possible, and throw them out sometimes to see if others think they might be so too. I always hope that someone will. And as I mentioned, there are a few people who are there with me; for them, I am extremely grateful. But maybe my thoughts and ideas aren’t really “prophecies” or divinely inspired – maybe they are just what they are, kooky ideas I have that are more wishful thinking than anything. Maybe other people see that, and that’s why they don’t stick.

So maybe I need to start keeping those ideas to myself and to my inner circle of friends who truly are interested. Maybe there is no real value in exposing myself and my deepest thoughts to the world; maybe it’s the “cast ye not your pearls before the swine” – not that they are pearls, and certainly not that I think anyone out there is “swine.” But maybe putting myself out there is doing more harm to me than good for others. I don’t know. That’s certainly how I’m feeling today.

So I won’t be doing any video today. I spent some time doing some personal research on some Native American teachings about the True White Brother/Pale One, but will probably just save them for a later blog post. UFOs are far more interesting and glamorous than this stuff. And if it’s hard to provide any proof for them, well – good luck proving ANY of this drivel! This prophet is out for the day, maybe the week or month a far as videos go. I will continue posting here on my lightly trafficked website where I can whine and wallow in self-pity mostly unnoticed. I guess if there is any real benefit in having very little interest, it’s that!