MY conspiracy theory: If they’re right, they’re idiots

Or have a death wish. Has to be one of the two. Bear with me as I head down the rabbit hole to expose just how dumb or suicidal those who believe covid conspiracy theories have to be.

And just forewarning – much of this is speculative. I am certainly not advocating for any of these theories, and some of this is going to sound outright appalling. But I have to stay true to the line of thinking to expose my thoughts, so forgive some of the blatantly ugly and disgusting racist and other tropes. Please remember, these are NOT mine. I love all people of all colors, ethnicities, religions, etc. One has only to read my twitter posts or other posts here on my blog to know that. Ok, now that’s out of the way, let’s go…

So let’s say that there is a global “cabal,” and just like the Georgia Guidestones advise, they are trying to get the world population down to 500,000,000 or less. Let’s say they really do have a depopulation agenda. And let’s say that they are putting it into action using covid.

Let us assume covid is a form of biological weapon created by the elite to perform the task of lowering global population. If you were going to implement something like this, you would want to try to make sure you “keep” or save the ‘good’ people, right? I mean, you still need scientists, engineers, etc to keep the technological world going – how else could you trade your stocks, etc? So you don’t want something that just kills masses of people indiscriminately. And you want to make sure that the people who remain are those who will be governable – you don’t want a bunch of anarchists, thugs, gun toting maniacs, etc, left, because they might wise up to what’s happened and come after you, right? So how could you accomplish this separation without being too overly blatant?

Well, how about a vaccination program? You could be fairly sure that those who got vaccines were those who trusted the government, trusted science, were compliant, and willing to sacrifice some individual freedom for the benefit of the collective. In order to weed out those of lower IQ or those susceptible to extremism, those who were “persuadables,” you could start a disinformation campaign based on “alternative facts” that any critical thinker who wasn’t brainwashed or beholden to some cult mentality could easily see was complete BS. Basically, vaccination itself could act as a kind of “marker” to select out those who would be seen as being beneficial to the new world order society you were hoping to create.

Now of course, we all know that the global cabal never do anything without giving some kind of warning first, usually via a Simpson’s episode, or something similar. In this case, they designed the virus to mutate slowly, to give people plenty of time to ingest information, and make decisions accordingly. After the virus had made 3 or 4 passes through the population, the elite could feel comfortable releasing something truly devastating, knowing that they had given the general populace more than enough time to take precautions by getting vaccinated, masking up, etc. They would know that some people might not be able to take the vaxx because of certain issues, and that those people could still protect themselves by masking, avoiding crowded indoor spaces, etc. So being unvaccinated wouldn’t necessarily spell certain death. I mean, that wouldn’t be fair, right? And chances are one of them has a relative or family member who can’t or won’t take one, so there’s that.

Now, even for me, this all kinda’ makes sense, in a conspiracy theorist sort of way, right? I mean logically speaking, it all follows I think. So here is the question: if a person really believes all of this, then wouldn’t it make sense to GET the vaccine, so they could survive? Wouldn’t it be just giving in to the plans of the cabal to not get it? And of course we know that most of those who refuse to get vaccinated are the same folks who refuse to wear masks. Because even if they didn’t want the vaccine, they could protect themselves by taking other measures, but they refuse to do that as well. So aren’t they playing right into the hands of the cabal then..???

Now, to go one step further, let’s say, just for giggles, that this all really IS true. And let’s say someone like me is really against the global cabal. Would I want to “resist” by refusing to get vaccinated? Refusing to wear a mask? Well, hell no I wouldn’t! Not me. Why? Because I kinda want to live. And you can’t fight the cabal if you’re not alive to do it, right? So in no way does it make sense to NOT take the vaxx or mask up if you really believe all the conspiracy stuff. At least that’s my take.

I don’t think I have a lot of followers on twitter or readers of this blog who are part of the right-wing belief system or conspiracy theorists that crusade against vaccines and masks, but I would love to hear a serious rebuttal to this article. I’ve thought it through for a long time now, and it seems to me that a certain faction of people are falling prey to a great deception that could ultimately end up being fatal for them. In fact, it has already, for 100’s of thousands of them. And with the new variant that is hitting the news now, that could be millions soon. I really hope more people will wake up to the truth. Because even if it IS the conspiracy theory, the message is clear: vaxx up and mask up to be able to fight another day – don’t die for a lie.

About evil – ask yourself a question

I was thinking about something the other day, and had a bit of an epiphany. As a student of spirituality who has read numerous different religious, spiritual, philosophical texts, I have come to find that there are certain ones that are special – perhaps more “sacred” than others, sacred here meaning closer to Truth. What is it that makes those writings special? For me, it’s the fact that there seem to be many different ‘levels’ to them; I will read something and come away with a certain interpretation. I will read that same thing again 1, 5, 10 years later, and come away with a completely different one – something I didn’t see when I read it earlier. The really good ones – that cycle can repeat 2, 3 times, maybe more.

One such text that definitely displays those characteristics, or I should say part of a text, is the New Testament in the Bible. And to be more specific, the Gospels, where the life and (supposed) words of Christ are detailed. Much of the Bible, some would say, is allegorical, and there are questions whether or not anything mentioned in it actually happened. Archeological excavations have provided proof of some of the locations and people in the Bible, so I think a portion of it could be factual. And when it comes to the words of Christ, while I’m sure (I know) there are misquotations, missing text, edits, etc, I do think a lot of it is attributable to some Higher Being or Intelligence, as evidenced by some of that “layering” I mentioned earlier.

So the other day, I was thinking about the age old conundrum of evil – why (an argument that is often made), if God exists and is so loving, would He/She allow evil to exist? The argument goes on to state that there definitely is evil, that there are people and beings who are evil, and so on. For some reason, my mind jumped to the story of Christ going into the wilderness to be tempted by the Devil after being baptized by John the Baptist. Here it is, from Matthew 4:

1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

“‘He will command his angels concerning you,
and they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’”

7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’”

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

I think it’s safe to say that most people, myself included, came away from that story after first reading it with a lesson in morality, about not being materialistic, about temptation, and what was really important in life; and about the goodness of Christ, that he couldn’t be tempted.

But going back and thinking about this, I realized something, and came up with a question –

If evil/Satan/the devil is a force to be vanquished, something that needs to be destroyed or banished, then why didn’t Christ simply put the smackdown right then and there on the evil one, and rid the world of it for once and for all? And why did Spirit lead Christ out there to be tempted? Why does it end saying just that the devil left him and the angels came to him? Why did Christ not take care of business when he had the chance?

And so it was that I came away with a whole new insight into this story. The answers to those questions is something I have come to understand within myself, but never realized how well it was illustrated in that tale. It’s the necessity of, and not the “evil” of, the shadow. The fact is, in my belief, Christ didn’t ‘kill’ the devil, because the devil isn’t evil. Or to put it more clearly, Christ didn’t SEE the devil as evil; Christ was not afraid of him/it; and Christ realized that the shadow/Satan/the devil has his purpose, as do all things.

Now this concept gets people worked up, because they say, “But surely, Hitler was evil! Or what about child killers? They are evil! Or what about…” You get the point. And to be absolutely clear, I am not saying there aren’t bad people out there who do terrible things, because there most certainly are. And stating that there is no real evil doesn’t go down well with someone who has suffered an atrocity at the hands of others – I understand that. What I am saying is that evil, I believe, is a human construct, something we created, a “power,” an egregore we constructed to push everything bad onto so we could have something to hate, something to loathe, to avoid, to be afraid of. And I’m not saying you, or I, or anyone we know did this – I’m talking on a species-wide, collective unconscious level.

See, the thing is, the church and other control systems have used – and were probably instrumental in – creating the concept of “evil,” as it is GREAT for inducing fear, which we all know is one of, if not THE best motivators in the human manipulation arsenal. Think back to the Hitler thing. I can either think that Hitler was a SEVERLY messed up, psychotic, delusional, murderous person, which puts it on him, OR, I can think he was evil, which suggests that there is some sinister outside ‘force’ that he was under the spell of that caused him to do those things. Because in essence, isn’t that what evil is? Evil is not the opposite of good – that would be ‘bad,’ and evil is WAY worse than just bad. So what is evil the opposite of?

One of the definitions of evil says this:

profound immorality and wickedness, especially when regarded as a supernatural force. (Oxford dictionary)

That little bit there at the end – the whole “supernatural force.”

And what about ‘wicked?”

evil or morally wrong (Oxford)

So we have immorality in both, but a bit of circular referencing on the ‘evil’ and ‘wicked.’ Which means we use one to define the other – and both are, in reality, associated ultimately with some supernatural force that (my suggestion here) opposes God. Isn’t that really what wicked or evil mean to most people?

Go back to the Bible story. Christ allowed Spirit to take him into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil, and afterwards, basically said, “Peace out – later dude” to the devil and went on with his ministry. Does that make any sense? Well, it makes about as much sense as praying for those who persecute you, or loving your enemies, or turning the other cheek. See, the thing is, Christ never preached about evil; he never described anyone as evil; and when given the chance, he never banished, conquered, jailed, killed anyone in the Bible whom might have been considered to be evil – including the old goat himself!

Why is all this important? This is all important because if we don’t move beyond the concept of “evil,” I don’t see us ever getting past the divisiveness, war, famine, income inequality, senseless violence, greed, selfishness, etc that plagues our world. As long as there is evil – some ‘force’ out there, just waiting to get us, to turn people bad – how can we expect to progress as a species? See, we have a lot of shadow work to do. There are parts of human consciousness and the collective unconscious that we are afraid to look at, afraid to confront, because we see it as “bad,” as “evil,” and we think the only thing we are supposed to do is defeat it, vanquish it, kill it.

Thing is, we CAN’T. Christ couldn’t – wouldn’t – even do it, because it is a part of us, whether we like it or not. So we see ourselves as at least a little evil, whether consciously or not. And that brings a whole host of psycho-spiritual, mental, and emotional issues expressed individually, and as a species. But we are NOT evil – none of us. Because evil, as most people think of it, simply does not exist. The worst of us – like Hitler – are some very harmful, destructive, terrifying, misled, ignorant, sociopathic, etc people. But not evil. And is there any doubt that, and I KNOW this will make a lot of people upset or stick in their craws, but ask yourself honestly – is there any doubt that Christ would say we need to forgive Hitler? That’s not to say we approve of, condone, don’t care, etc about what he did – not saying that. But did Christ single anyone out, and say “love your enemies, except this guy.” No. Ask yourself honestly. The answer is uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

This has all kinds of ramifications, coming to a realization like this, and changing your view to remove the concept of evil, at least as we currently see it. And contrary to what many think, it doesn’t mean that we are easier on people who did horrible things – no, quite the opposite. Because now, there is no outside force, no devil directing them, no demon leading them astray to blame – they did those things, they alone shoulder the responsibility. Of course there is mental illness to consider too, but that’s another subject for another day.

If you stop believing in evil, if you stop seeing it, and instead see profound ignorance, or selfishness, or psycopathy, or something else, how might your view of the world… of others… of history… of yourself, change?

He’s a witch!

A quantum witch, to be exact. And if you didn’t catch it, the “he” is me lol.

So over the last few months, for whatever reason (and no, it’s NOT because of the currently popularity of witchcraft, or “WitchTok,” which I’ve never even seen or whatever) I have had this strange compulsion to identify as a witch. I fought it for a while, because honestly, it seemed corny to me, and I was concerned that maybe I WAS hopping on the witchy bandwagon, even if only subconsciously. So I allowed myself to think about it, but not take it entirely seriously.

But the compulsion wouldn’t go away. For some reason, some part of me inside was demanding to have some kind of identification, and I tried out all kinds of other names, titles, roles, identities, etc, none of which felt right. No matter how much I didn’t like the thought of it myself, I kept being pushed towards accepting witch as my identitification.

So I started taking it slightly more seriously, and some concerns arose about what might happen if I did identify as such. Would people think I was just trying to jump on the “current trend” bandwagon as I mentioned above? What would women who are witches think of some guy declaring himself a witch? Would it be like some kind of appropriation? And do I even ‘qualify’ to be called a witch? I mean, I don’t want to come out and say I am something if really am not. All these questions floated in my head. And would not go away. Lord knows, I tried to ignore or shoo them away.

I finally decided to take the next logical step, which, for a mystic lol, was to do a Tarot reading for myself. The gist of it was basically that the path I was currently on, the one of the mystic knight, was no longer productive for me; that I knew it, but wasn’t being entirely truthful with myself; and that I needed to balance seeking answers within with seeking answers from others. It really resonated, given the yearning, the compulsion I had been feeling to identify as a witch instead of the spiritual knight, or even magician. I also happened to be reading a book about archetypes, and it opened my eyes to the possibility that I had become stuck in the Warrior archetype, but it was time to move on – to stop being hung up on the Templar stuff, the coin-incidence, all that stuff.

Next, I saw that someone was offering to do readings for people, so I took her up on one. She actually recorded the reading on video so I could see it, which was really cool! This was the very first called she pulled:

So yeahhh… I mean…

The rest of the reading indicated that I had a decision I needed to make. The very last card was from a different deck, and it was a butterfly, with the caption “Metamorphosis.” Seeing a pattern here? I was.

“Ok, ok Universe – kinda getting a vibe here that maybe I SHOULD take the leap and identify as a witch.” But before I could do that, I needed to talk to a few very spiritual women I know, one of whom is a witch herself, and get their opinions. I am very cognizant of the way that the Divine Feminine has been treated down through the centuries, and I did not, DO not, want to be seen as another man taking something that belongs to women. That was really important for me.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that both of the wonderful women I chatted with believed it was perfectly fine, and actually encouraged me. In fact, the one whom is a witch herself basically said that she thought I already was one, had the altar and everything! Lol. Which is totally true. So now I had Tarot guidance from my reading, direction (confirmation maybe even?) from another reading, and expression of support from some women friends.

The next thing I started wondering about was, what KIND of witch am I? It’s not like there’s just one. There are several different kinds it seems, some overlapping – eclectic, hedge, cosmic, gray, coven-based, solitary, thelema, etc etc. I had seen something a while back about eclectic witches, and the description fit me to a T. So initially, I was going with that, but it just didn’t seem entirely right for some reason. I thought about ‘eclectic gray witch,’ which felt closer, but still not quite right for me. I thought more about me – what I believe, what I practice, how I meditate and pray, what I study, etc – and it seemed pretty clear that, if there was such a thing, I was probably a “quantum witch” – a witch with a strong science background who works primarily with energy itself, using the knowledge of quantum physics, like superposition, entanglement, etc, to support and strengthen their spiritual practices.

I started doing some searching on “quantum witch,” and 2 things quickly became clear:

1 – there were very few pages, articles, etc discussing such, and those that were out there had not been maintained or updated from anywhere from 1 to 7 years.

2 – the few things I did find TOTALLY resonated with me, and led me to believe that I was a quantum witch.

And number 2 was topped off by this finding this image on the FB page of that name. I considered this the final “sign” – I was, I am, convinced.

But why is that so convincing?

Because this is my profile header for Twitter, and the red and blue Mandelbrot pic has been my Google and Gravatar image for several years now:

And it’s not like the Mandelbrot set is some hugely popular thing you are just bound to see. I have seen a few other profile pics out there, but I mean, what are the chances? Even the placement at the lower left hand corner of the banners is strikingly similar.

So there you have it folks – I am now Kevin, the Quantum Witch. I think I always have been, or at least have for a long time, but I am claiming it now. Actually, to be more accurate, it is claiming ME! Lol. And I am good with that.

Time to enjoy the adventure of integrating a new archetype, one shrouded in intrigue, mystery, and MAGIC – whoopee!

Pulling back a bit

I’ve said this a few times before, and always end up putting myself back out there, but I honestly think this time might just be for good. I’ve been getting message after message after message from the Universe telling me that my path is to be a solitary one, at least in regards to the deeper spiritual progress and insights go, and that attempts to share them with others probably won’t amount to much. Thing is, a number of people are going through awakening right now; some started years ago, some months ago, some maybe yesterday. But everyone is on their own path, coming to their own realizations, listening to Spirit speak to them in the manner that they can best perceive. And almost always, at least for me it seems, that manner is different for each person in at least some ways – probably more so now than ever before in history for the simple fact that a person can browse the web and research 20 different spiritual traditions that span 5000 years in 15 minutes.

In ages past, the only way a person learned about spiritual practice was either by direct contact with and initiation by an elder, being approached by a missionary or emissary, or going to a church or other gathering. And often times, in fact most often probably up until a few hundred years ago, a person would only really know of or be introduced to one such tradition. They didn’t know of others. With the birth of the printing press and the ensuing industrial revolution, people had access to books, and could go to a library and read books about different traditions. That was still limited of course to accessibility to a library, the titles that library carried, availability in the appropriate language, etc. There was more diversity, but it was still limited. Then along came the computer age, and everything changed. And once the Internet fired up, well – just like I said above, a person can take in the core principles of untold numbers of philosophies, traditions, religions, etc in a matter of minutes or hours.

And that has changed the role of the “mystic as teacher” to be sure. Things that took years to learn in the past can now be discovered in an evening of insightful browsing. Of course there is a difference between reading a deep spiritual or mystical principle and actually experiencing or truly understanding it. But ultimately, that boils down to individual work anyway – a person has to take the steps necessary for them, and they might differ slightly from the steps another needs to take to reach that same realization. And ultimately, that is a very good thing. It allows people to be free from the need for a guru, guide, or prophet. They can find information themselves, sift through it, pick out the things that fit for them and leave the other stuff. In fact, I just discovered recently that there is something called an “eclectic witch” which is basically just that: a witch who practices on their own, and mixes together a ‘custom blend’ of spiritual and magical traditions into a practice that works for them. I realized after reading it that that’s basically what I am – an eclectic witch. I’m not the prophet, priest, or even warrior I thought I might be, or wanted to be.

I don’t say this just willy nilly either. As I said in the beginning, there have been a ton of signs and messages from the Universe/Spirit telling me as much. I keep going back and forth between accepting it, and rejecting it, back to accepting, back to rejecting. Because I really enjoyed that period time when I was seen as a bit of a guru back in the early 90’s. It made me feel like who I am – who I REALLY am – was actually worth something to other people. My thirst for spiritual knowledge and all the stuff I had learned about it was truly valuable, and people looked up to me in that regard. Not a ton of people – I wasn’t some major leader or “influencer” (this was pre-web lol), but wherever I went, I became known as a mystic poet with some deep spiritual insights, a sage as it were, and it felt really good.

But these days, people just don’t need me, or anyone really, to be that “sage.” And after all, isn’t that what all the great prophets foretold? The return of the Christ. And of course, that never meant the return of the human incarnation of Christ. No, it meant the Christ Consciousness, and that it would return in the hearts and minds of all people, such that they wouldn’t need someone to “lead” them – it would live in them and reveal the Truth to everyone who seeks it. So in some sense, it kinda’ puts folks like me “out of business” lol. And that is a great thing, a wonderful thing really. Because isn’t that the dream? That everyone who wishes to can experience awakening on their own?

Now of course, that’s not to say that everyone who wants to is just going to wake up one day and be “awakened.” No, it doesn’t work like that. I suspect that people, those who earnestly seek, are going to go through the stages more quickly though, like an accelerated course, because the energy that his here right now is much more intense than it ever has been. It’s like the difference in time to fill a 5 gallon bucket with an eye dropper, and now people have a hose hooked up to a spigot. Ok, it might not be quite that dramatic. but you get the idea.

So what does that mean for folks like me who ave been on the path for over 30 years now? Well, I think some are filling that role of teacher, those who teach in a style and format that is more popular in our current time. But for me, it seems that I am supposed to focus on my own path, to not seek to be a teacher or leader or any such thing. That doesn’t mean I can’t keep posting here; I’ve been writing for over 32 years, blogging for 13, not going to stop. But I am going to pull back on the whole “Order of Truth,” the videos, the Eternal Temple website, etc. I’m not going to throw a hissy and take it all down like I have in the past lol. But I am going to stop working on or promoting them.

As I’m writing this, I just thought of the verse “a man cannot serve two masters”:

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else. he will hold to the one, and despise the other, Ye cannot serve God and mammon.” ~ Matthew 6:24

Now I don’t know about the hate and despise stuff. But I do know that trying to keep up the “outreach” while trying to work on my own progress isn’t working so well. I end up getting down about it not catching on, and that sets me back in my own progress. And I guess I really don’t like that; hate still seems strong, but definitely don’t like.

I read a book on mysticism lately, and a lot of the true mystics back in the day were largely unknown until after they passed, often times because they preferred solitary lives. I don’t know that I’m quite at that level, but there is a reason I chose to call this current blog the “Forgotten Mystic.” I need to embrace that, stop letting that sneaky ego get in there with it’s ideas for marketing campaigns, and start moving further up the mountain. It’s ok to be just another seeker. People don’t need a “guide,” and I am doing them, and the Christ Consciousness a disservice, by trying to be that. I can proffer advice when asked, share tales of my journey, but I’m not a guide – I’m just trying to find my way too.

A senseless bad omen, of the highest order

I saw this article yesterday, and was immediately gripped – first, by the sheer tragedy and unnecessary nature of it, and second, by the overt and powerful symbolism.

From the article:

The RSPCA said that it advised officers to leave the deer to make its own way home, explaining that deer sightings in urban areas are becoming increasingly common. But the police said that there was “no option to let the deer wander as it could be a danger to motorists and members of the public in the area”, particularly as the hours of darkness approached.

I read this as, “It’s going to take too long and too much work to try to save the deer, so we just decided to do it the ‘easy’ way and kill it.” Now to be fair, I’m not saying the officers involved were evil people, and perhaps they really did feel that there was no other option, that peoples lives were being endangered. But that thought alone exposes a couple of salient points.

One is the fact that the whole reason the deer was in the town to begin with is because human development has encroached on their natural habitats so much that there really is no chance that deer WON’T show up in towns. And that goes for other wildlife as well. As humanity gobbles up more and more real estate and associated resources, the animals get less and less, and are starting to venture into human towns and cities more in search of food, water, etc. I don’t think animals actually WANT to come into towns, they are probably going out of necessity, loss of natural habitat, or even confusion. Given that, seems we could go out of our way to try to show some understanding and compassion, or – shocker – even have plans in place ahead of time to handle such situations that don’t result in the death of the animal.

The other fact, closely related to the previous one, is that we tend to think that the Earth – all of it, the land, oceans, rivers, mountains, sky – it’s all ours, to do with whatever we wish. And anything, or anyone, who gets in the way can simply be removed. That goes for animals, and also people. The Native Americans found out that applied to them as well – the whole ‘manifest destiny’ thing. So there was no question who had the right to be in the town and who didn’t. We are humans, rulers, given “dominion” over all of creation by god himself, so we can, and do, whatever we wish. The deer had to go. And if it had to be killed to remove it, so be it – was just an animal.

I already had an idea of the importance of the symbolism of the white stag, as I’m sure most people would – especially considering the fact that in the books and films, Harry Potter’s Patronus is a white stag. I figured it was basically a symbol for nature itself, and in particular, the Forest Spirit. But I was surprised to learn that it’s actually a little more than that, and even MORE symbolic:

The white stag or hart is an unusual and elusive animal who has special meaning in ancient cultures. The Celts believed he brought messages from the spirit world. As well, he would appear as a moral reminder if person was veering off the path of righteousness.

In the legends of King Arthur, the white stag represented the pursuit of a spiritual quest.


And also

In Christian art, like the mystical White Unicorn, the White Stag represents Christ. Sometimes, the White Stag wears a golden crown and chain, both of which are emblems of Christ’s suffering for all of humanity. Here, the color white takes on a different connotation, symbolizing deep spirituality, illumination, faith, humility, protection, perfection, and the Heavens. Stories tell of people meeting a White Stag that inspires tremendous spiritual changes in the individual.


So, it symbolizes

  • A messenger from the spirit world reminding someone they are veering off the path of righteousness
  • The pursuit of a spiritual quest
  • Christ, and deep spirituality and tremendous spiritual changes for the individual who encounters it/him

Wow. The connotations and powerful symbolism are absolutely striking. If I knew anything about any of this stuff, I might propose that the killing of it heralds huge changes are are coming, soon; in particular, those of a spiritual nature – for individuals, and humankind as a whole. A lot of us have been feeling that something big is coming – I think there’s little question of that now.

Things are really POPPIN’!

Wow, this last 24 hours has been crazy! So many planetary and solar events.

Of course we have the La Palma eruption:

Then this morning, I discovered that there was an earthquake in Australia yesterday:

“Geologists say the quake is the largest in south-east Australia since the 1800s.”

Then I woke up this morning to see an alert on my phone about this:

And it’s really weird, because I keep getting TONS of articles, videos, etc suggested for me that are about major solar events, all published recently.

Are we ready? Understanding just how big solar flares can get?

Could a solar storm wipe out civilization as we know it? | Michelle Thaller | Big Think

And of course, this is all in addition to my own intuition about a major solar event on the near horizon. How near, I don’t know. But it certainly seems the Universe/Spirit is sending PLENTY of messages about what’s coming. I’ve read somewhere that they always communicate in advance when truly huge things are coming. I think back to the Flood in the Bible. I don’t think it was necessarily God, some old guy in a robe, bellowing out to Noah from on high. No, that was allegory. Chances are there were signs, similar to what we are seeing, but obviously tailored to that time period.

What does all this mean to me? Well, that I was right – surprise suprise! Lol. Seriously though – I think it means exactly what I have been contending for a while now, that we are in the ‘event’ now, and that things are continuing to accelerate, the “quickening,” as we get closer and closer to that tipping point that will really start to reveal where we are in this time. At least for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. Because, just as in the days of Noah, there will be those who don’t see it, don’t want to, and honestly don’t care.

And to repeat what I’ve been saying, it’s not the “end of the world,” it’s the end of this ‘world’ – this phase of human development, if it can even be called that. A lot of people, seers, visionaries, channelers, contactees, intuitives, shamans, etc are saying the same exact thing. It seems very hard to believe that we could ALL be wrong.

It’s not a time to be afraid – it’s a time to rejoice! Not saying it’s going to be all unicorns and rainbows – though that would be awesome! Lol – but it means that there is some karmic balancing that’s finally going to happen. And maybe a chance to start over, or at least remove enough of the forces of life’s destruction to give builders a chance – a rebalancing, a grand attunement to a higher vibrational existence.

Who knows, I could be totally wrong. But it’s not just me saying it. The prophets of old, and even some newer ones have said as much. The good thing is I don’t think we will have to wait too long to see where this train is heading. I, for one, am ready for the ride – ready to get off the train we’ve been on and head for a new destination – all aboard!

This ain’t no “Field of dreams”

I built it, but they didn’t come lol.

Of course, I’m talking about the new forum I created on the relatively new site. But then, I’m talking about this blog too. And the one before it. And the one before it. And – you get the point. I don’t know if anyone has ever actually seen it, but buried down on the bottom right of the page, below the archives, in very small print, is a link to the main blog I had before this one – “The Thought Buffet” Clever title, right? And then there was the even older blog, “The Cessation of Suffering” And I think between both of those, over 10 years, I had maybe 2 people who read them. But honestly, it’s not like I tried to promote them that much, and certainly wasn’t writing for entertainment. They served primarily as personal journals.

Well, that’s not entirely true. For a period of time on “The Thought Buffet,” my cousin had convinced me that I was a great writer, and that my stuff was really funny, so I should try to do more of that and promote it a little bit. And so I did, but it never really got much attention. I tried posting links to the content on Facebook, and spreading the word in other ways – no dice. So I went back to just writing whatever struck me.

And so I have continued to do so, up until about 2 years ago, when I was compelled to put together a website that I hoped would attract some like-minded folks. I thought that people would see it, go “oh wow, that sounds cool!” and reach out to see what it was about. I would then tell them of my desire to start a spiritual order called The Order of Unifying Truth – one like the Knights Templar (the true ones, as from “The Templar Tradition,” not the ones described in all the documentaries and popular books) but modernized, fitted to today’s world. They would say that sounded great, and we would set about on collaborating on how to actually build the order, what we could actually do, etc. Others would join in, and it would be like our very own virtual Knights of the Round Table.

As I write this, is actually sounds a bit silly, honestly. And that’s probably why it hasn’t really taken off. You can’t just throw a website out there with some idea of creating some spiritual order without having it all planned out I’m guessing. I wonder how groups like the Masons, the Templars, the Rosicrucians, etc, got started initially, like in the very very beginning though. They can’t have known everything right off the bat, right? There had to be some formative period where a few people came together and figured out what they wanted to the order to be about? What the codes, ideals, goals, etc should be? I’ve felt compelled – guided one could even say, to try to start (or actually re-start in a sense) such an order. But while I think it is some kind of “destined” thing, maybe I am just deluding myself, living in my own little fantasy story? It’s entirely possible. Or maybe dark mentalists/tricksters/mischievous/malevolent energies/entities are messing with me, stringing me along to waste my time and resources while also sucking the hope out of me? That’s possible too.

And who knows – I guess there is always a chance, slim as it may be, that it could still happen, and I just have to be – oh God, I can’t hardly stand to say this again – PATIENT. That word has been the biggest challenge of my life when it comes to all this stuff. It’s not so fun being an “old soul” when people are telling you that at like 12 years old. This shit has been old for a long, LONG time already lol. But if I am nothing else, I am persistent. I guess I make up with my lack of patience with that dogged determination. In fact, my old best friend Doug (God rest his soul; tomorrow is his birthday – Love you brother) always liked to jokingly repeat a phrase my mom yelled at me one time, one that he thought encapsulated me nicely – “You bull-headed little f**ker!” He would exclaim that, and we would both crack up; because my mom said it, and because it was actually true!

So you know how there’s that old question, “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” Well, what happens when an incredibly persistent person keeps trying to create something, unsuccessfully to this point, that he is extremely impatient to get going? I’ll tell you what – a huge number of blog posts just like this! Lol. Seriously – I bet if I looked back over the last 13 years of posts, there are probably at least 50 just like this. Hell, I should do that – go back and find some good ones, just copy and paste them, save the keystrokes.

Of course I have a few more than 2 followers now, which just goes to show how hopeless things really are haha! But if there’s one conclusion I have come to, it’s that I am going to write whatever I am moved to, without any concern of who might read it or whether they will like it. It’s been just me for so long, that the only audience I really have to please is that bull-headed little f**ker who just won’t quit. Because even though I get SO sick of that guy, I’ve learned to love him too. Because he still has his dream, silly as it may be. And he’s STILL going for it, 13 years, 3+ blogs, and a gajillion posts later. So maybe it doesn’t matter if anyone else comes to the field of dreams. In fact, Mother Theresa’s Prayer just came into my head – seems like the perfect end to this post:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

         If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

         If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway.

         If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway.

         What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

         If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

   The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

  Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

         In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

Epiphany – we are IN the “event,” now

I was responding to someone on Twitter this morning who was saying that he keeps hearing about some big “event” coming – these are the actual words from his post:

“I keep seeing that we are entering some sort of new new time and changes, but when? The waiting sucks. I don’t care if it’s the rapture or a giant asteroid or even the lizards invading.”

I thought about it for a moment or 2 and started writing…

“A pretty smart dude once said that no one knew the exact day and time lol. But seriously, it’s now. It’s a process, and we are in it. Ultimately, it’s an inside job, personal revelation. The pieces are being provided, it’s for each us to put them together.”

And as I was typing, I started to have a bit of an epiphany –

“I’m starting to think that’s what “the great deception” is really about – making us all think that there is going to be some singular, spectacular “event” or catastrophe, such that we are all waiting, and waiting, and waiting… such that we miss the true event, even while it passes right in front of us. I keep thinking back to the parable Christ told about the ‘thief in the night,’ and it makes sense in this context. I don’t know anything more than anyone else, but the signs are all around for those with eyes to see.”

Now to be sure, I’ve thought for a long time that we are in the middle of what is going to be a longer process than I ever wished for. Much like the guy who posted that comment, I was tired of waiting like 30 years ago! Lol. And I have predicted, incorrectly, time and time again that the “event” was nigh – probably partly out of wishful thinking. And the more I started to think about that very dynamic – the constant wishing for a truly apocalyptic event; the cycles of waiting, hope, then disappointment when it doesn’t happen (think 2000, 2012, etc etc); the loss of faith that comes with waiting over years and years, only for things to keep going; and – wait, hold on a minute – that last one, it stuck with me. The loss of faith –

And it dawned on me – what if we truly ARE, and not just speaking hypothetically or metaphorically, but what if we really are right smack dab in the middle of said “event,” and the great deception is that we don’t even realize it! Jesus spent quite a bit of time in Matthew 24 giving parable after parable about being ready, not being fooled, keeping watch, etc.

“No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,g but only the Father. 37As it was in the days of Noah, so will it be at the coming of the Son of Man. 38For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark. 39And they were oblivious, until the flood came and swept them all away. So will it be at the coming of the Son of Man. 40Two men will be in the field: one will be taken and the other left. 41Two women will be grinding at the mill: one will be taken and the other left.

This part – it’s not about being physically taken – it’s about the spirit, the soul. And the one taken, they aren’t the “lucky” one being ‘raptured’ – the one being taken is being taken by the dark mentalists, by the powers of hatred and destruction set loose on the world. Christ was not one who would look to be whisked away from trouble – no reason to think that he would expect those who follow Spirit to. The person left is the fortunate one. Think about Noah – he wasn’t taken, right? He was left here, he remained.

42Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day on which your Lord will come. 43But understand this: If the homeowner had known in which watch of the night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. 44For this reason, you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour you do not expect.

It could definitely be said that right now, especially in the US, we are in a dark night of the soul as a nation. And the thief is doubt and fear. Our house is our temple – our mind, body and spirit. And the thing the thief is coming for is our faith, our belief, our hope.

45Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of his household, to give the others their food at the proper time? 46Blessed is that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions.

48But suppose that servant is wicked and says in his heart, ‘My master will be away a long time.’ 49And he begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50The master of that servant will come on a day he does not expect and at an hour he does not anticipate. 51Then he will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

That last part especially – he begins to beat his fellow servants. Seems to be a lot of that going on, especially when you think of ‘beating’ in a spiritual/psychological sense, and not necessarily physical. We are all being beaten down by the impacts of the things they have down to Mother Earth, to our civility, to life and hope itself.

I am honestly tripping out a bit right now, and realizing that I REALLY need to work on protecting myself – physically, mentally, and most of all spiritually. Because the battle of Armageddon is happening right now, on the spiritual plane, LITERALLY. It’s fairly easy to see that sides are being chosen as never before. And we need to be careful – I need to be careful – not to underestimate the powers of ignorance and division – the egregore of the antichrist. Because it/they are coming for those whose Lights shine brightest. Their only hope at this point is to extinguish all the light they can. And the longer we all remain complacent, in a state of waiting for some event, instead of realizing it’s already here, the easier it will be for them to accomplish their mission. Wow.

I could argue that this is the most important epiphany I’ve ever had. I too have been waiting and waiting and waiting, growing weary, impatient, and hopeless – all while my spirit and belief have been taking a beating, as are those of so many others. We need to see what’s going on right now, believe it in the depth of our souls, and start working on strengthening our spirits as much as possible.

That being said, I have started a forum for people of like minds and spirits to gather and share thoughts, ideas, wisdom, encouragement, experiences, etc. I am curating it carefully, because I want it to be a place free from the negativity, doubt, skepticism, division, etc, of other social media hangouts. If you are interested in joining, please send a message via the “Contact” link on my site, and I will provide the info.

I think that at this time, those of us who take our spirituality seriously and see what’s going on need to join together for strength and support. Because the battle for our very souls is happening now. And we need to stop waiting, and start fighting, to save them – together!

Video, or no video..? Feeling disenchanted

I think the title sums it up pretty well. I’m considering whether or not I should do another video for YouTube or not. I had an idea all planned, what I was going to talk about. But the more I kept thinking about it and seeing posts on Twitter of the things other people were covering in their podcasts – along with the fact that the video I personally thought was great and right in my wheelhouse, the “Two Pillars,” did so poorly – has me wondering if I should do any more or not. There are a few people who say they enjoy them, and that’s nice to know. And the quantum physics vid, it’s doing great – almost 100 views. Which just goes to show, I guess, that science is much more popular than spirituality. But then I already knew that. I wonder how many people realize how little “nuts and bolts” there really is to quantum physics?

The other thing I am running into is the fact that I really don’t know anything. No, honestly – I don’t. Someone even called me out today on a post I made about Siberian shamanism, which I have read about. I didn’t think they did hallucinogenics – turns out they did/do. So even a topic I THOUGHT I knew about, I don’t. And I don’t know any more than anyone else about spirituality, prophecy, meditation, anything. I read posts from other people and am amazed at how much better they put things than I do. I think the only thing I know, I can know, is what I myself have experienced. And that isn’t worth a hill of beans these days lol. Oh sure, I could tell personal stories. But there are tons of other people out there with much more compelling, interesting, funny, insightful, valuable, etc etc stories than mine. And this isn’t a self-pity thing (I mean, maybe it is a little bit lol) – it’s just the truth.

I was going do a video about prophecy. But I don’t know anything for certain about it, and there’s probably nothing I could say about Christ Consciousness that Whitley Streiber or others like him haven’t already said. I was going to talk about egregores and consciousness – but Anjali, Marshall Summers, and others like them have that covered pretty well. When I read their stuff, I’m like, “Yep, that’s what I would say.” When it comes to mysticism even, there are far better people than I out there sharing their profound insights about it. If anything, Twitter has been extremely humbling. It’s shown me how “un-special” I and my “wisdom” are.

And I suppose that’s a good thing. So much of this, for me anyway, is ego. I was thinking about it tonight – why do I care? Because I, my ego, WANTS to be popular. I want to be that person being retweeted. I want to be the person being invited to podcasts to share my mystical and philosophical insights. I want to be that person people look up to as a sort of guru or whatever.

And don’t we all, really? I mean, doesn’t it suck when you post something you think is really great on Twitter, and you get one, yes 1, like, if that even. Then you see someone else post almost the exact same thing, and they get tons of likes. It stings, right? We all want to be seen, to be heard, to feel like we matter. And I, I’ve had these stupid experiences over my life that I have interpreted to mean something. But apparently, that interpretation was wrong – wishful thinking, or delusions of semi-grandeur perhaps. Because I have tried repeatedly to pursue what I thought those experiences were leading me to, and it has resulted in pretty much nothing – at least to the outer world.

Personally, I have gained a TON of humility. And resilience. And patience. Ok, I’m still working on that one lol. But I have learned a lot. And I have learned that I don’t know squat. I truly understand what Socrates meant when he said a wise man knows he knows nothing. I just don’t think I can do any more videos, because I don’t know anything. I’m thinking about maybe telling the story of the coin-incidence, but I don’t even think that would come across right, don’t think I can capture the true spirit of it, and it would probably sound lame.

So, while I thought maybe I was transitioning back to the The Magician, like I was for a while back in my heyday, it’s looking like I will be staying The Hermit. And that’s ok I guess. I did a Tarot reading last week that kinda pointed in that direction, that I need to re-evaluate what I think my purpose is. Then I had a blood vessel break in my left eye, and there was a similar message in that. I hear you Universe/Spirit/God/Whatever. I don’t really like what you’re saying, but I know better than to try to keep paddling up river, all while the current shows no signs of changing. Time to just let go again – for a while anyway.

Time to just focus on climbing again. I need to focus on the summit, and not on telling people “Look how close I am! I’ll tell you how I did it…” Because honestly, they could be closer than I. I just need to keep climbing, stop comparing progress to others, and remember that it’s between me and my Higher Power – that’s it, that’s the Quest. Onward and upward.

The OUT is out – for now

Well, after months, actually years of trying to get an Order started, it looks like the Universe has spoken, and the answer is to let it go for now and focus on other things. Now this is not easy for me, because ever since the coin-incidence back in ’94, I have been trying to figure out the meaning of it, what I was meant to “do” with the info. And the conclusion I had come to – both back then, and recently as I have started to get deeper into spirituality and mysticism again – was that I was meant to ‘rebirth’ the Order of the Knights Templar, but a new version of it – one that admitted men and women, and was updated to better reflect the environment and challenges of our modern age. I created a website, even commissioned a really cool logo to be created just last week. But I have been confused on just how to move forward. And now I’m thinking that might be because that’s not the direction I was supposed to go – that isn’t the my real “mission.”

How did I reach that conclusion finally? For starters, last week, I had a blood vessel burst in my left eye. I wasn’t even aware of it until my wife looked at me and said, “Honey, did you know you have blood in your eye?” I did not. When I looked in the mirror, this is what I saw:

A friend of mine asked if I had looked into the spiritual meaning of it, and I said that I had not. She sent me this link:

The part that really caught my eye (punny, right? Lol) was this:

“You may need to internalize a message from your intuition now, even if part of the message involves dramatically changing your view of yourself. You may have to examine your inner motivations and subconscious desires now. You may also be shocked to learn that your true mission or purpose is not what you thought it was and this revelation can change the way you see yourself.”

That really got me thinking. She mentioned that the means by which the message was delivered was pretty bold. It also mentioned something about the Divine Feminine energy and developed psychic abilities, but I digress.

Sunday I spent a little time working on the page for the Order, and again, was a bit confused about how to move forward. So yesterday, I decided to do a Tarot reading on it. My question was if I should continue pursuing setting up the OUT or not. This is the reading:

The upside down chariot and 10 of swords smacked me right off the bat – definitely some “not the right path” vibes going there. The knight of wands reversed, same kind of energy. Interestingly, the outcome card being Justice upright was a bit of a surprise, and I’m still trying to work out the overall message. The friend I mentioned said she thinks the overall message is not “no,” but “not yet.” And that makes sense. Perhaps the reason I can’t think of how to move forward is because it’s not the right time yet. However, that doesn’t mean all my work has been in vein – it just means I need to do something I struggle with sometimes – be patient.

So for the time being, I am going to go back to blogging here, making videos, and just being open to the Universal Flow. It’s hard for me to do nothing in regards to all this stuff, but blogging, doing videos, and posting on Twitter is not nothing. My friend recommended I follow my passion, my creative side, and ask my Higher Self to guide me. She also said her guides told her I can need to “let things happen!” so that is exactly what I am going to do. I can listen, I can take guidance, and I can be patient today – I can do this!