Legally.

That’s the question that is burning in my mind this morning after waking up at 4am with thoughts about the book coming very, very strongly to me. I so wished I would have had the opportunity to jump out of bed and write down the stuff that was coming to me. Honestly, I could have – there was nothing really stopping me. The major concepts, the ideas to talk about, the purpose, the intro and title – it was all there. I felt for the first time since all this started happening again that I know exactly what I want to write about.

And more than that, I thought about how to speak to it, how to market it, “add-ons,” like a corresponding mobile app.. basically an entire business plan of sorts. Of course when I say “business,” I don’t necessarily mean it in the sense that the business world thinks of it. I don’t have some plan to market something that will make people a ton of money. I mean, I do think the book will be very successful, especially given the trick marketing campaign I have thought up (or has come to me maybe I should say). I even have an idea for a little “shtick” that will make it extra cool to all the millenials and young whippersnappers out there – a cool hashtag. Now, the trick is getting the funding to take the time I want to dedicate to really put all this stuff together.

I have been trying and trying to remember a site I had posted something to back in 2012 seeking investors for my “alternative community” that would survive 2012 lol. It was a pretty neat site, and while I obviously didn’t attract any investors, it was easy to use and seemed like it would fit the purpose I need now. I know there are people out there who write books while they are working their 9 to 5 jobs, and if I were better at multi-tasking, perhaps I could do that too. The thing is, I am having to take time away from my “real” job to write this stuff as the inspiration comes, and it honestly doesn’t feel good – it’s not right. At the same time, I am being compelled to write this stuff very strongly now, so I find myself in a bit of a conundrum.

I even thought this morning about taking a huge risk and seeing if I could get a small business loan for $250K. I’m fairly certain I could think up something web-based to get it. The thing is, I am terrified of what happens if I don’t succeed, then I owe all that money, and having been out of the field for a year, have a tough time getting back into the labor market. Part of me says “you know you can do it! Take the chance!” The other part of me says “are you crazy? You have a wife, kids, animals to feed and house – you can’t afford to risk their security like that!” So what am I to do…?

Again this morning, I made my plea to the Universe for a break of some kind. Honestly, it was a bit of a teary one, because I feel this so deeply, right down to the very core of my being – the person I have been since I can remember, and the thing I always wanted to do. It seems every time I read the story of someone who “made it,” they had some kind of small break – someone noticed them, or encouraged them, or something along those lines. I am really praying for my break. I remember back in ’90 when I quit my job at the bank and went to live with Willy to write my book. And I did just that. I spent many hours at his computer, organizing all of my works, typing them up, and putting rough drafts together to send out. And I did just that – sent them out to 10-11 different publishers. So it’s not like I haven’t done it before, and not like I wouldn’t actually complete the work. The difference is back then, I was young and single and could work like 20 hours a week so I would have time to write the book. I don’t really have that option now – not if I want to keep my family clothed, fed and sheltered.

I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I am trying to do my part to make something happen. I have this blog I am actively posting to, I have my website that I am working on, I created a profile on writers.work, and am now trying to figure out how to secure some funding. I just need the Universe to do me a solid and give me a little “break” of some kind. The past few days, whenever I have prayed about something, it has been wild the way the Universe has answered; yesterday, finding the article about quantum monism; today, looking in my gmail inbox to see an email from David Wilcox talking about “going deeper.” I wonder what today will hold…?