So very shortly after publishing my previous post about Skyborg and comparisons with Skynet, I checked out one of my feeds to see this article, titled “AI disaster won’t look like the Terminator. It’ll be creepier.”
That’s the question that is burning in my mind this morning after waking up at 4am with thoughts about the book coming very, very strongly to me. I so wished I would have had the opportunity to jump out of bed and write down the stuff that was coming to me. Honestly, I could have – there was nothing really stopping me. The major concepts, the ideas to talk about, the purpose, the intro and title – it was all there. I felt for the first time since all this started happening again that I know exactly what I want to write about.
And more than that, I thought about how to speak to it, how to market it, “add-ons,” like a corresponding mobile app.. basically an entire business plan of sorts. Of course when I say “business,” I don’t necessarily mean it in the sense that the business world thinks of it. I don’t have some plan to market something that will make people a ton of money. I mean, I do think the book will be very successful, especially given the trick marketing campaign I have thought up (or has come to me maybe I should say). I even have an idea for a little “shtick” that will make it extra cool to all the millenials and young whippersnappers out there – a cool hashtag. Now, the trick is getting the funding to take the time I want to dedicate to really put all this stuff together.
I have been trying and trying to remember a site I had posted something to back in 2012 seeking investors for my “alternative community” that would survive 2012 lol. It was a pretty neat site, and while I obviously didn’t attract any investors, it was easy to use and seemed like it would fit the purpose I need now. I know there are people out there who write books while they are working their 9 to 5 jobs, and if I were better at multi-tasking, perhaps I could do that too. The thing is, I am having to take time away from my “real” job to write this stuff as the inspiration comes, and it honestly doesn’t feel good – it’s not right. At the same time, I am being compelled to write this stuff very strongly now, so I find myself in a bit of a conundrum.
I even thought this morning about taking a huge risk and seeing if I could get a small business loan for $250K. I’m fairly certain I could think up something web-based to get it. The thing is, I am terrified of what happens if I don’t succeed, then I owe all that money, and having been out of the field for a year, have a tough time getting back into the labor market. Part of me says “you know you can do it! Take the chance!” The other part of me says “are you crazy? You have a wife, kids, animals to feed and house – you can’t afford to risk their security like that!” So what am I to do…?
Again this morning, I made my plea to the Universe for a break of some kind. Honestly, it was a bit of a teary one, because I feel this so deeply, right down to the very core of my being – the person I have been since I can remember, and the thing I always wanted to do. It seems every time I read the story of someone who “made it,” they had some kind of small break – someone noticed them, or encouraged them, or something along those lines. I am really praying for my break. I remember back in ’90 when I quit my job at the bank and went to live with Willy to write my book. And I did just that. I spent many hours at his computer, organizing all of my works, typing them up, and putting rough drafts together to send out. And I did just that – sent them out to 10-11 different publishers. So it’s not like I haven’t done it before, and not like I wouldn’t actually complete the work. The difference is back then, I was young and single and could work like 20 hours a week so I would have time to write the book. I don’t really have that option now – not if I want to keep my family clothed, fed and sheltered.
I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but I am trying to do my part to make something happen. I have this blog I am actively posting to, I have my website that I am working on, I created a profile on writers.work, and am now trying to figure out how to secure some funding. I just need the Universe to do me a solid and give me a little “break” of some kind. The past few days, whenever I have prayed about something, it has been wild the way the Universe has answered; yesterday, finding the article about quantum monism; today, looking in my gmail inbox to see an email from David Wilcox talking about “going deeper.” I wonder what today will hold…?
I say reappearance, because I don’t think Magick ever died – it just hadn’t appeared in my life very much since getting sober – at least not in a way that made me go “wow!” Of course that’s not to say that getting and staying sober wasn’t (isn’t) a miracle, because it absolutely is – one I get to experience every single day. But as someone who has experienced some pretty powerful experiences – the “coin-incidence” and all that went along with it being the biggest example – I know what it’s like to feel as if I am witnessing actual magic – like the emergence of something beyond explanation in a meaningful way in my life, in this world, and it is – well, magical lol.
For a long time, I went between being depressed, thinking I would never again be able to experience those kind of peak experiences because I wasn’t going to take mind altering substances anymore, to being very angry at God/Great Spirit/Higher Power/Universe/Whatever for those same reasons. It seemed extremely unfair to me to think that I would have to give up the thing that I valued most in the world, true mystical spiritual experiences, because I was now sober – as if being punished for doing what I though, what I KNOW, is the right thing. I mean, why should anyone who is deeply spiritual be punished and deprived of those experiences? I just didn’t understand. But there is plenty of literature out there that says many shamans, medicine men, etc, use(d) psychedelics to achieved altered states so they can experience those things. I truly hoped that it wasn’t a necessity.
Then, about a year ago, maybe a little more, little synchronicities starting happening again; little situations arose that pricked up my ears; coincidences that went beyond the normal occurred, more than just once. And so I started getting that old feeling again, that I was back in the “flow” of Spirit, of Universal Consciousness, and that I was once again on the Mystic Path.
In quantum physics, superposition is defined roughly as “[the] idea of a particle being in multiple possible states at the same time when not being observed.” I mention this here because I rather think of myself existing in a superposition of multiple possible states, especially concerning what I do for a living to earn a paycheck, and what my mind would much rather be doing, and often does do, even when I am supposed to doing the stuff I am paid to do so I can pay the bills. Hence, writing this piece explaining that situation, which in itself is yet another state. Or, maybe I just don’t want to work on the project I have been working on for the last 8 months and will do anything – even go so far as trying to make an analogy between quantum superposition and my desire to avoid it to – well, avoid it.
What I really wanted to talk about a bit is synchronicity, which is defined as “the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” This is a phenomenon that has intrigued and delighted me my whole life, and at times has displayed situations that were SO unlikely that I, and sometimes others, were truly stunned. I have come to call these especially poignant synchronicities “coin-incidences” based on a string of them I had back in ’93-’94 that I will explain in depth another time. Actually, I think I already explained it on my other (previous) blog, so maybe I will copy it over from there. But back to the current story…
After what seemed like a VERY long time passing without experiencing any major instances of synchronicity, let alone coin-incidences, last year, they started occurring again, much to my delight. I think the first real one happened one night after we had watched an episode of “Lemony Snickets and a Series of Unfortunate Events” on Netflix. One of the themes of it was “Memento mori,” a phrase I had never heard before. It featured rather prominently, and it definitely struck me as interesting. What was truly astonishing though was that when I picked up the book I was reading at the time just before bed – not more than an hour later – the page I was reading mentioned that very same phrase, “Memento mori.” Now while some people might say, “oh, that was just a coincidence,” the fact that I saw the same instance of a phrase I had never heard before in my life twice, within an hour of each other, was jaw-dropping. I can’t even imagine what the odds are that I would watch that show on that night, and be on that same page in that book on that very same night. Wow. I’m not quite sure if it reaches the level of coin-incidence, as that is reserved for only the most profound coincidences, but it is definitely the closest anything has come in a very long time.
And lately, there have been more of them. I’m not quite sure what it means, if anything at all. But I do hope that I get a chance to get into the stream of mystical happenings that I was in back in that period in the early to mid 90’s, and that this time, because I am sober, I can make better, more meaningful and longer-lasting use of the experience.While I may have changed a lot as a person, and no longer take mind-altering substances, I am still keen to having my mind, body and spirit altered in such a way as to make me a more perfect vehicle for the movement of Spirit and Energy through me and a truer expression of my Highest Self.