I’ve wanted to write about the strange string of experiences that led up to the Coin-incidence for over 25 years now. But because I’ve thought it would basically take an entire book to explain, I’ve avoided doing so, fearing I would never have the committed time to actually write such a book. And I was afraid that if I tried to just piece-meal it, it wouldn’t come out right – it would just be a big, tangled mess of words and sentences, with no cohesion or meaning. And there is still a risk of that happening. But because I don’t want to miss out on the chance to record what happened, and I’m not getting any younger, I want to at least try to capture the spirit of what happened that caused me to forever see “coin-incidence” when I come across the word “coincidence.”
The first few posts here at AO (Atque Occultatum) play heavily into the story, because it’s really the story of me – at least the “me” that is constantly seeking something. It started when I was very young, got extremely interesting in a very outward way in the coin-incidence, and continues to this day. In fact, a string of circumstances has led to the creation of this site and these posts that falls right into line with the whole epic of – well, whatever it is lol. I guess I would call it my life, my journey, my Quest – to find the meaning of life, of my life, and why I just don’t seem to completely feel at home in this world, this time. And don’t get me wrong – or at least I hope my wife and kids don’t take this wrong if they read it – I am VERY at home in the life I live now. I am EXTREMELY blessed, and more comfortable and happy than I deserve. But I think even they know that dad/sweetie has some longings, some questions and drives that go beyond the mundane.
So what is this all about? I mean, I know I would be wondering that. “You’ve told us this is going to be some long, confusing mess of words about something you can’t even explain – so what the hell is it?” Lol. I mean, it’s not even that it would be anti-climactic to just come out and say what it is, it’s just that it wouldn’t really seem like much of anything at all. In fact, here is what the actual coin-incidence was: my friend Luke put a coin down on this page with a “boom!” and we all went “Whoaaaa…”
See – it doesn’t seem like much of anything without any context or backstory. But if I’m an even halfway decent storyteller, I hope to lead you along the path so that you can partake in the wonder of the coin-incidence yourself. Honestly, looking back, I sometimes doubt whether or not what happened was really all that awe-inspiring or special. But I reached out to one of my good friends who was there, and he agrees – in his words, it was a “whoooaaaaa” moment. And he’s much more pragmatic than I. Back in the day, I was quite the hippy/poet/guru/mystic/wanderer, etc. I still am to some extent. But I am a little older, quite a bit more responsible, and MUCH more sober than I was back then lol. In fact, I’ve been clean and sober for over 17 years now.
And I think that is part of what has taken so long too. For a long time after getting sober, I pretty much jettisoned all of those experiences from the time before into the “I was on drugs” bin of life, which caused me to not only throw out everything I had ever written up until that point (boy, do I regret doing that), but also to automatically toss out the importance or validity of any experiences I had, at least in as far as being able to share about them. I always see someone reading parts of it and saying, “Well yeah, but you were totally high dude.” And in honesty, I probably was. But in this brave new world of legalized marijuana (here in Arizona and many other states), legalized heavier drugs (Oregon, other locales) and even respectability for hallucinogenic use for depression, PTSD, etc – not to mention the whole DMT/Ayahuasca thang – yeah…. I think I can talk about this now without being automatically dismissed.
And so begins our tale of a knight on the quest for truth. And that’s probably a great place to start – what’s up with all the “knight” and “quest” stuff anyway…???
See Footnotes 2 – Purely coin-incidental