What the hell…?

Why isn’t my site, The OUT, more popular? Or should I say, why haven’t more than 3 people in the entire world actually checked it out and enjoyed it…?!? I’ve recently thought that maybe I need to edit or change it somehow to improve it, to help it be more successful, more appealing. But I just looked back over all the pages, and honestly, it’s awesome as it is! It’s really, really good! Hard to believe in fact that it was I who put it together. Of course, I had a little self-reflection during my morning prayer/meditation on the way to work and realized that it isn’t I who does those things really. I mean, when something that great comes out, it truly is something working through me, I am just the vessel. And I am ok with that! But back to what I was saying –

So yeah, why isn’t the site gaining any traction? Well, my recent discovery of the writings of Rene Guenon could actually shed some light on that, if he is to be believed. In the introduction of the book I am reading about him, the writer who penned it mentions that he (Guenon) wasn’t necessarily interested in becoming “widely read” or famous. The way he understood it, the information he was providing wasn’t for everyone; it was for those select few who would follow in his footsteps and become mystics themselves in search of Ultimate Truth. In other words – and this is important for me to hear and remind myself – try as we may, there is simply no motivating all of humanity to join this Quest. Many, many people just aren’t able, ready, or even interested in doing so. But that doesn’t mean that our efforts are in vain, because we, the True Seekers, are fulfilling our sacred duty to the Truth, and leaving clues, advice, wisdom, encouragement, etc for the others who will come after us – few as they may be.

And that has been a bit of a bitter pill for me to swallow honestly. I always dreamed of being a famous writer and being able to spread my wisdom (lol! This sounds horrible now) to all those who would listen. Of course now I know what a fool’s errand that would have been – to think that I could control that which works through me to such an extent. Perhaps one day I will reach that place, but not yet. What I haven’t really thought of until this moment though is the idea that I could still be a famous writer – just via other genres or subjects. In other words, I could write a novel maybe, or some short story, or even a work of non-fiction, but not focused specifically on the spiritual principles with the intention of “saving the world.” Maybe that’s the realization I needed. I could still harness my writing talent, become a successful writer, then – under a pen name for anonymity – I could afford to publish the important stuff to get it out there. Hey now – this is sounding like a real idea here!

Now the question would be, what the heck would I write about? What kind of book..? And how in the world would I find the time to write anything like that? These are questions that I have yet to really figure out. I guess maybe I could shift my creative intention process and start asking the Universe about that? I’ve had some ideas, but nothing fleshed out enough to write an entire book about. But maybe I could just start writing – see what happens. I have my Chromebook, I have time at lunch every day. Maybe I could just start banging away on the keys and see what happens..? I think I even started an outline one time – maybe I can see if I could find that.

Of course, I always remember how grateful I am that I make a pretty darned good living doing what I do for a day job, and whether or not I ever become a commercially successful writer, I have MUCH to be grateful for. I am not a “starving artist” by any means, and I was even blessed enough to get a chance to move out of heads-down coding finally after 7 years of praying and hoping, so I am extremely grateful. Becoming a full-time writer would merely be the cherry on top of a blessed life – the fulfillment of a dream I’ve had for over 30 years; an opportunity to give expression to a creative force inside me that has revealed itself throughout my life in a manner that has caused many people to tell me that I should be a writer. And all of that would be wonderful.

So I think I have a plan going forward. In fact, I even bought a voice recorder a while back to capture my thoughts, but now Google has added a great one to the Pixel, so I can use it, and it is much more convenient. I can at least give it a shot, and if it doesn’t work out, or I lose steam or ideas for the plot, I haven’t lost anything really.

I was just thinking this morning that my silly “Scarred Nail Prophecy” hadn’t really come true, even though that nail is pretty much completely healed. But I also thought that perhaps I just hadn’t given it enough time. Who knows – maybe this is all part of it, and the prophecy is actually true. I guess only time will tell. But of course this is getting into the realm of self-fulfilling prophecy now, because it seems it is up to me to at least put the effort in to make it come true. It will be interesting to see what 2020 brings for sure. Although I am still in favor of the “winning the lottery” path forward! Lol

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