That’s basically what I just did – I killed it all: The Eternal Temple, The OUT, the Etsy shop – all of them, dead. Deleted. I did my best, and I guess my best wasn’t good enough, cuz here we are back where we started from. The times they keep changin’, my plans are rearrangin’, but I’ve had enough of that shit! Lol. Nothing to take the edge off like a song. The funny, well not really funny, sad really, thing is that no one will probably even notice. Never did get an actual sale from the Etsy shop. Was crazy – got that one just a few days after opening it, then the guy ended up not actually wanting a reading. Refunded his money – poof. Literally nothing after that. A few people “favorited” it. And as far as the Eternal Temple website, nada there either. Oh well, at least I didn’t go overboard buying “stock” to sell. I have some bracelets I can give as gifts.

I’ve been into the whole “shaman” study thing lately, reading about it, watching what few (decent) videos there are on it. I finally found some that WEREN’T about ayahuasca. Seems like when a lot of people talk of shamanism, it’s really about taking that stuff and tripping. No want that part of it. I even emailed a guy from ASU who published a paper about, and he seemed to almost take offense, suggesting that it was fine for addicts to take it, and it is even used for addiction therapy in some settings. That’s all fine and dandy for some, no judging, but homey ain’t gonna’ play that. I know myself TOO well. One thing leads to another, and I will want to be tweaking. Fortunately, in Siberia, where the term “shaman” actually comes from, they induce the trance state using drumming and singing – no drugs. So there are ways other than psychedelics to achieve it. And I don’t even know that I would want to be an actual shaman – I’m just interested in the phenomenon and learning more about it academically.

I watched a video on YouTube, and interview of a French guy named Paul DeGryse, and I loved what he had to say about his “brand” of it, called Toltec Shamanism. He mentions that he was a little averse to using the drums and chanting, that it seemed like appropriation of rituals that didn’t really pertain to his culture (European). So he came up with a system that didn’t use any of that, or psychedelics from what I could gather. I was eager to read some of his books. One small problem – none of them are translated into English, French only. I actually emailed him about it because i really wanted to check some out. But he said that there are no translations at this point, and it sounds like his editor isn’t working too hard to get any out anytime soon. I even looked a bit to see if there was something I could do to get one made, haven’t really found anything. He said he would keep in touch, so who knows.

So I’m basically where I have been for several years – looking for that next step, that next mentor or teacher, that next initiation, that next opportunity. I did discover a book just today that I am REALLY looking forward to reading called “Synchronicity (some subtitle lol).” It’s brand new, just came out, I learned about it through one of the quantum physics email alerts I get. Supposedly it tells the story of Wolfgang Pauli’s interactions with Carl Jung and their conversations about causality, consciousness, and cool stuff like that. I can’t wait to read it. I have make myself finish the book I am reading now first, “Siberian Shamanism and the Western Imagination.” It’s more of an academic, historical look at shamanism in Siberia, which I thought might be dry, but I am actually enjoying it.

In the (un)real world, things are going great. We traded in the Sonata on a new Nissan Rogue, which I LOVE – way more comfortable seats, bomb diggity stereo, climate control. I was really grateful Debbie was even open to looking at one. Financially, the abundance continues, super grateful for that. And the kids, other than Emilee, all seem to be doing well. Even had Galen, Tess and Alex over for pizza the other night, and it was wonderful. Emilee, she has some kind of stomach/gas/constipation issues she’s been experiencing for a while. It seems it’s always something with her – at least when she isn’t in college. She was doing so well then. Sigh.

Anyhoo, life really is good. I wish there was a little more mysticism/spirituality/magic, but then maybe there is, and I’m just not appreciating it. I am really happy, and that is magical indeed 🙂