I’m not quite sure why, but I have been really hung up on trying to figure out the name of a new order lately. I mean, I’ve spent a lot of time mulling over numerous different ideas for the name of a group that I’m not sure I will ever actually start, and don’t know that anyone would actually want to join. Which begs the question – why does it matter so much? Why is it so important that I figure out what to call this thing that could exist as nothing more than an idea in my mind? I honestly don’t know. I’ve tried to figure it out myself because honestly, it’s a bit annoying. There are times I would/could be thinking about something else, but my mind just won’t let it go.

Here is a list of ideas that I have been kicking around, starting with what I was using most recently:

• The Order of Synchronistic Magick (OSM)
• The Order of the Eternal Quantum Mind (OEQM)
• The Order of Eternal Light (OEL)
• (I know there have a been others, just can’t think of them right now lol)

I’m not sure why, but the abbreviation seems to be important too. Again, don’t know why.

Part of me, the optimistic part, thinks that perhaps, because there is power in words, coming up with the name is part of some “birthing” process, and that all will proceed from it: if the name is correct, what it’s meant to be, then whatever it is that is created will take on a life of its own, and manifest whatever is supposed to manifest.

The other part of me, the more pessimistic and skeptical part says this is just another whacky pipe dream, and my mind is being silly, focusing so much on the name of something that is inconsequential to anything or anyone but the workings of my mind. Any other stories I tell myself about some kind of ‘manifestation’ type stuff, or being guided or whatever are just to comfort myself and avoid feeling silly or foolish.

So which is it? Given the fact that I had similar feelings about creating this blog, and it turned out to be a bit of a nothing burger (at least as far as really taking off publicly lol), I tend to think, as much as I don’t like or want to admit it, the second scenario is more likely to be true. Of course there is the part of me that believes in the power of mind and belief, and tells myself that if that’s what I think, then that’s what will be. So I try to tell myself that maybe there is something to it – but is there?

I’m meeting a friend for lunch today, someone who is into metaphysics too, so it will be nice to talk some of this over with here. She has been very supportive of my idea to write a book, and she has a very positive energy. I’m planning on discussing some of this with her. I am also planning to finally do an actual Tarot reading today. I received the second book I had been waiting for, and now have all of the pieces I felt were necessary to have before I could do a reading (another case of following some inner guide – not sure why I felt I needed all of these things ): a Rider-Waite deck, the purple book I used to like so much, the red one, and a special cloth to lay the cards on. I’m planning to do a reading on this very subject, and a bit leery of what the cards might say :-O

It’s kind of funny – I just thought about how I have prayed for so long since getting sober for the whole mystical, Coin-incidental, magickal, guru type stuff to reappear in my life because I missed it so much. Now, I am experiencing that part of it that entails being “led” by some mysterious force, compulsion, drive, etc within myself that seems to be moving towards something and just dragging me along, and it’s honestly pretty wild. At times, I feel almost like I am tweaking again because of the impulsive nature of it, but I know I am not – I am completely sober. And while I like the feeling that there is something greater than I working in my life, and I love the feeling of being “in the flow,” I am concerned that nothing more than just the chase will come of it once again – the fact that I am sober won’t change the outcome.

But then was the outcome really so bad? No, I didn’t start any great spiritual movement or mystical order; I didn’t get a book published and become some famous guru; I didn’t meet people from some secret order to find out I was a bloodline descendant of Christ. None of that happened. But I did learn so much about things I might never have learned of had I not taken that path. I did experience some things that were truly breathtaking and wondrous, and I still have those experiences to look back on to remind me that magick does happen. And I am getting the opportunity to go through some of it again, with the knowledge of the outcome of past choices, and the chance to do things differently.

So maybe there is something more to this. Time will tell. I’m giving myself to it and giving it a chance, because – well, because that’s who I am.