For that first REAL sale for my etsy shop. It’s hard to believe that after getting that first one so quickly, only to have it filch out, that it’s taking so long to get another one. Emilee said I should view it as a good thing, that I got that first one, because it can take a long time for that, and it provided a good test. I totally agree with that part. I guess I just thought that after putting all the additional work in – I created some new images for the carousel, updated the banner, renamed and linked the OUT Faebook page – I would drum up at least ONE sale. But nope, nothing yet. I swear sometimes it seems like everything I attempt in life that is centered around my dreams of what I would really love to do is just futile, no matter how much time, work, thought, inspiration I put into it. I keep thinking time after time after time, “Ok this might just work! This is really good! Certainly SOMEONE will appreciate this!” Only to be disappointed time after time after time. I mean, I really did put some thought and work into the OUT site, and there has just been nothing from it – nada.

And the Facebook page for Eternal Tempe (originally OUT) – I was good about posting something every day or 2, created nice images, etc. Nothing. A few people liked the page, but that’s about it. Added some listings from etsy, boosted them with FB advertising. Still nothing. I don’t for how long some people kept trying before they made it, but considering I got my first book of poems together at Willy’s house over 30 years ago, seems like I’ve put quite a bit of time in on and off over the years. I guess it’s just that people don’t want what I’m “selling,” which shouldn’t be surprising. I guess what keeps surprising me though is that I’ve always felt that at some point, that magical, “moment” is going to happen for me, and things are going to kick off – that all of the time, work and dreams I have put into this stuff will eventually be recognized by the Universe and will pay off. But maybe it’s just not meant to be in this life. Maybe that’s just not in the cards for me this go around. That’s sure what it feels like.

I am super grateful for Debbie, the kids, my health, my job, friends, sobriety, etc. I have so much to be grateful for that I guess in some sense it’s no biggie if any of this stuff ever pans. It would be especially devastating if I didn’t have anything else going in my life, but I do – I really do. So I am probably going to enter another “respite” period here soon. I’m getting tired of all this stuff, and need to just pull back and enjoy life as it is.