I was going to title this post “I don’t know what to do now,” but then I believe in all that new thought stuff, and don’t want to reinforce a negative thought. I want to believe that somewhere inside, I DO know what to do. But for whatever reason, I can’t quite seem to figure it out yet. I’m talking on the spiritual plane here. Like, what do I need to do to make the next “spiritual leap?” I actually tried a little self-programming before bed last night and told myself that I was going to dream of meeting an ascended master, and that person would tell me what I need to do. But either I didn’t dream of that, or I can’t remember. And so here I am in the same place I’ve been for a while.

I definitely feel an energy of potentiality. In the material world, things have been going very well indeed. We have experienced the best period of prosperity I can ever remember this last 2 years. All kinds of little, and sometimes pretty big, unexpected windfalls, or beneficial outcomes, unexpected savings opportunities, etc. And I am EXTREMELY grateful. I was thinking the other day that I can’t remember the last time I actually had to make a budget – something I did every week for pretty much my whole life. But we have been so flush with cash, we haven’t had to. Wow, what a blessing.

And certainly, just like that situation with my little hummingbird buddy, or making the blue beryl pendant yesterday and the way it just kinda fell off at the place I wanted to cut it, there is definitely an air of magic and possibility. I just wish I knew what to do with it – how to channel it into something productive. I’m not even really sure what that would be…? I thought last night, should I try to actually heal someone? I mean, solicit a request on etsy or something, and try to send energy to heal that person? I don’t know that I am even capable, and seems like there are lots of ways for that to turn out poorly. I have tried blogging, selling Tarot readings, the website, the Facebook page – none of them really clicked. So what the heck am I supposed to do?

I know patience has been a real challenge for me, and perhaps I just need to display some now. I actually kinda got that message last night – just keep doing what I’m doing. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Is there anything else I need to be doing to get ready? I do wish sometimes that I had a mentor or teacher or guru. I actually just read an article written by GPT3, the latest greatest text generating AI, and it was pretty incredible. I have this dream of getting access to some powerful AI so I can ask it some questions, maybe set it on a mission to figure out how I can achieve higher states of consciousness without drugs. I even put in a request to get access to the GPT3 API. We’ll see if I get approved. It would be SOOO awesome if I did!

In the meantime, I guess I will just keep praying, meditating, observing, keeping my mind, eyes, ears and heart open to what’s going on around and within me. I’m hoping the material prosperity is the forebinger to prosperity on the spiritual/metaphysical plane, such that it is visible and active on this plane – if that makes sense. I’m wearing a really cool blue beryl pendant I made yesterday (mentioned earlier) and the way it turned out is just awesome. Seems I truly have a gift for working with stones. Jewelry making has become a hobby – one I wasn’t sure I could enjoy again after getting sober, always associated it with “tweaking.” But then, I never cut or drilled crystals and stones when I was spun out, so that’s kinda cool that it’s an entirely new aspect. Maybe this new crystal holds the key for th next door I am waiting to open…